Live Your Words [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Language is among the most powerful yet rarely acknowledged and mostly discounted forces on earth. We name our experiences, we story our lives with words. Alter a single word this way or that and the story of a lifetime takes on a completely different cast. Success. Failure. Together. Alone.

Currently we are witness to an aspiring autocrat label fellow citizens as vermin and thugs. A well-worn page from the despot playbook. Dehumanization of others is the first step in approving, priming, unleashing, and then normalizing violence. If history teaches us anything it is that language is not only capable of creating unspeakable beauty, it is also capable of unleashing unimaginable horror. This is not playground rhetoric or locker room talk. This is laying the groundwork for brutality. White. Black. Supremacy. Equality. Community. Tribe. Division. Togetherness.

Language matters (education matters).

Consider this simple phrase chalked onto a park bench: I With. This phrase struck me as particularly potent yet unappreciated. I accompany you. I am with you. I walk with you through this life. I choose to stand with you. With. I.

No word is more dynamic and intoxicating than “I”. There is no more necessary or formidable preposition than “with”. I with love? I with hate? I with unity? I with division? I with open-heart? I with closed-mind? I fear. I embrace.

The great power in language is in the words we choose to live.

read Kerri’s blogpost about I WITH

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Invite The Bacon [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Of course, the problem with leaving well enough alone is that the phrase only pops up when things are not well enough. When change is on the horizon, when a hidden truth is about to breach the crusty surface, when the globe spins and a new insight dawns, it is a sure bet that the keepers of the conservative will bellow, “Leave well enough alone!”

Call it creative tension. The space between progress and conservation is a taut rubber band. Both poles serving a necessary purpose, neither is trustworthy when absent the other pole. So, phrases like, “Leave well enough alone” are signal flags, signs that the tension on the band is high and the snap forward is inevitable. Pulling back always signals an impending forward step. Always.

I’m particularly fond of this image. A tomato slice demanding inaction. And won’t this crabby tomato be surprised in a day or two to see the icky green results of inactivity! Better to invite the bacon, lettuce and toasty bread to the plate, a bit of salt and pepper, and get on with the business of yummy sustenance. Progress by any other name.

read Kerri’s blogpost about LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE

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buymeacoffee is a progressive impulse meeting a conservative over-reaction causing deep distress that can only be cured by an action in the direction of intention to make a better world for the tomatoes that envision it.

Bring On The Comfort [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Last Tuesday evening we sat on the deck until late. We were in short sleeved shirts. Kerri wore summer shorts. It was an anomaly for late October in Wisconsin. The warm breezes set the chime symphony in motion. It was an evening of low talk and high peace. The Dogga slept on the deck. Hope-the-frog meditated by the pond.

Since then the temperatures have headed south. We are wearing layers, warm socks, and replacing the cotton sheets on the bed for flannel. The quilt has made an appearance. Slippers and Uggs stand at the ready.

And, just like that, it’s soup weather. The return of comfort food. In our cupboard, patiently waiting for this day, is a humungous can of peeled tomatoes. We’ll launch the good boat Comfort with a vat of Joan’s tomato soup. It’s simple and delicious. We’ll bake bread for dipping or to tear and toss like croutons into the soup. It never fails: once the soup is ladled into the bowls, all coherent conversation stops. This soup is that good.

No worries, 20 will help us eat it. With a vat this big, there will be plenty of leftovers (for days).

Comfort: 1) physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint. 2) easing or alleviation of a person’s feelings of grief or distress.

This is some seriously powerful soup. Bring on the comfort!

read Kerri’s blogpost about SOUP!

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Start There [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

The rest of her quote went like this: “And not everyone has had that chance.”

A simple gratitude too often missed.

For years I’ve made it my practice to list my gratitudes at the end of each day. It became my practice because I was – in my original orientation to time on this planet – hyper-focused on what was wrong with me and the world. Obstacle focused. Conflict obsessed. Judgmental of my every move. Refocusing my eye on the abundant generosity of this ride was – at least initially – an act of survival. I’ve come to realize that is was the most self-loving choice I’ve ever made. I’ve found that I am now counting gratitudes in real-time, as they happen.

See the glimmers. Note the kindness. Do not miss the sun on your face. Appreciate the smile. My nightly gratitudes rarely recount monumental happenings. The first sip of coffee. A message from a friend. The Dogga made us laugh. We wrote together. Warm bread and camembert cheese. Kerri held my hand.

I had a full day of life. Let’s start there.

read Kerri’s blogpost about CHANCE

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Savor The Words [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Her delight in finding the stack of Nancy Drew novels, her girlhood favorites, sparked a question. She asked, “What did you read as a kid?” Instantly, I was a deer in the headlights. I muttered something incomprehensible and changed the subject in order to dodge the question.

It’s not that I didn’t remember. The truth is that I wasn’t a reader until I was in my mid 20’s. It’s as if someone threw a switch and I was instantly transformed from dullard to a voracious reader. I generally have two or three books going at the same time, making up for lost reading time.

A few years ago it occurred to me that I was reading like a starving man at a smorgasbord. I was gobbling words without breathing or tasting. So I decided to try an experiment. Read books like they are poetry. Savor a few pages at a time. Consider for a full day what I have read in my few pages. Re-read it if I am unclear. Re-read it if it is gorgeously written.

My experiment is going well. I’m living in the books rather than blowing through them. I delight in the phrases, the way words are put together to invoke images and sounds and tastes. Sometimes a phrase is so beautifully written it makes my eyes water. I feel as if I’ve pulled off the freeway, stepped out of the car, and am walking through a meadow. I see more. I appreciate more.

I credit the age of information with my new reading practice. I’ve been studying how people engage with their screens, how I have been engaging with my screen. We skim. We jump. We tab hop. There’s so much information demanding our attention, stuffing the nooks and crannies of our minds. Emails, texts, slacks, social streams…

I’m finding my peace, out of the stream and off the info-super-highway, turning paper pages with intention, paying full attention to what is written there, no more than a few pages at a time.

read Kerri’s blog about NANCY DREW

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Peel The Layers [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

We lay awake deep into the night. The window was open and the crisp fall air drove us deep beneath the quilt. And we talked. Lately, for reasons too complex to explain, we’ve been steeped in a comprehensive full-life review. Gently peeling back the layers and bandages of our lives, uncovering the hard choices and left-hand-turns that led us to this place, this cold sleepless night, with the rhythmic rumble of trains in the distance, the lake lapping the shore.

The dark of night rolling into dawn is an ideal time to soul search.

We talked of the times in our lives when we didn’t speak up. We talked of the times when we couldn’t speak up. Fear is a great silencer. We told stories of running from our voices.

We talked of the times when we spoke up and paid a heavy price. We shared the times when we refused to speak up, when we stood in the self-made-fire and balked at screaming. We’ve had our share of fire but do not be fooled: fire does not always purify. What works with minerals does not necessarily work with people.

“It’s like a Viewmaster,” she said. The toy from childhood. “My memories are sometimes like clicking through a wheel of static images.”

More than once, as we shared our memories, I thought of a quote by Hermann Hesse:

“My story isn’t pleasant, it’s not sweet and harmonious like the invented stories, it tastes of folly and bewilderment, of madness and dream, like the life of people who no longer want to lie to themselves.”

As the sun rose on our conversation I understood that our searching souls had at long last arrived at a place of truth-telling. We no longer want to lie to ourselves. It is easy to speak up when there’s no need to hide or run or ignore what we know is true. In loss personal truth is found.

And we both know what is true for us. We know what is ours-to-do.

We lapsed into silence as the light through the window slid from soft grey into subtle pink-and-purple-blue. “We’ve both come a long way,” I thought-but-did-not-say, as we finally slipped into a deep dream-filled sleep.

read Kerri’s blogpost about SPEAK UP

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See The SISU [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Sisu is a word that is often used in Kerri’s family. With Finnish roots braided through strands of Norwegian, for them it is more than a word. It’s an inheritance. It’s DNA.

It was new to me when I entered the clan. Innate strength of will. Determination. Perseverance. I’m told the full meaning of the word doesn’t translate well to English.

It was an abstract concept for me until these past few years. I have now been witness to Sisu and it is awesome.

Keep in mind that Kerri is a pianist, a recording artist, a composer. She is a Yamaha artist which means she is considered an acknowledged master of her instrument by people who make performance pianos. When, just prior to the pandemic, she fell and broke both her wrists, when we lost our co-managing directorship to the virus, when she was nearly fully recovered and fell again on a wet floor, re-injuring her wrist beyond the capacity to recover, and then her day-job popped like a soap bubble and disappeared, when she lost motion in her left shoulder…I discovered the full meaning of Sisu as the force of DNA arose in my wife.

It’s true. The full meaning doesn’t translate well into English.

We have words like Fortitude or Pluck. Grit. Mettle. They are good words and go far in describing what I’ve been witness to in Kerri to these past three years. They simply do not go far enough. Most people I know, myself included, would have thrown in the towel, lapsed into parties of pity, or simply admitted it was all too much and given up the fight. Most people do not have Sisu in their DNA.

Recently, Rob wrote to ask us if we could see light at the end of our tunnel. The short answer is no. The long answer is that it really doesn’t matter whether or not we see light. We have Sisu in our camp. If we don’t find light we will either create it or blow a hole in the tunnel. Or both.

There’s no way to describe it but there is a caution or two: I wouldn’t bet against Kerri-full-of-Sisu. She is full to overflowing with her inheritance. And, it’s probably best to stay out of her way.

read Kerri’s blogpost about SISU

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Tuck It In [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

We open the garage, push the VW Bug out into the sunlight for its annual washing. It’s a yearly ritual. After cleaning the garage and scrubbing the Bug, we push it back into the garage and cover it like a sacred object (it is).

This was Kerri’s first car. Her parents bought it when they vacationed in Europe in the 70’s. They shipped it back to the states. After a time, they “sold” it to her. It was light blue then. Now, it is titanium white.

It hasn’t run in the decade that I’ve lived here but that is of no matter. It is filled with stories. It is filled with connection to her parents. She’s walked up to line a few times, thinking she should sell it to someone who’ll fix it up, get it running again. She steps back from the line, “Not yet. Not yet.” After all, it’s not simply a car that she’d be selling.

“Maybe I should take pictures of it, make it into a Shutterfly book. Then I’d have the memories,” she says, suds to her elbows, as she gives the VW Bug its yearly bath. This, too, is part of the ritual. Imagining it gone. Imagining letting it go.

“That’s a good idea,” I say, playing my part in the ritual.

She climbs in the driver’s seat, releases the brake. “Okay!” she says and waves to me. I put my shoulder into it and push the Bug back into the garage. Her connection to her mom and dad, their stories, her stories, safely tucked in for another year.

read Kerri’s blogpost on THE BUG

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Exercise Your Glimmer Eyes [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

They are easy to miss. Glimmers. They appear and disappear so fast. The first sip of coffee in the morning. The hint of fall on the cool breeze. Dogga snuggles in for a pet.

At a dinner party with friends, Kerri and I caught each others eye. It’s good to be alive. Together. With these treasured friends. A tiny smile of a shared recognition.

We made Joan’s tomato soup recipe. Even before we tasted it, the soup wrapped us like a warm comforting blanket.

We set our chairs to catch the waning sun. Also, to see the hummingbird feeder. “I love them!” she exclaimed as the first tiny iridescent bird buzzed in for a drink.

We cursed Jay when we opened the party-size bag of Cape Cod chips. We cursed Frank for saying that Apothic was a very drinkable wine. “Now we can’t help ourselves!” we giggled, having fully divested ourselves of responsibility, diving headlong into our guilty pleasures.

After an exhausting day, we climb into bed with newly washed sheets. “Oh, god!” I sigh.

They are easy to miss. Glimmers. They appear and disappear so fast. They are abundant, like stars in the night. Too many to count. Perhaps that is why they are so easily overlooked.

It’s an odd quirk of human nature to focus almost entirely on the low hanging clouds, to ball our fists and curse our misfortune. Yet, with the smallest bit of intention, focusing on the glimmers is infinitely doable. It’s like a muscle. The more you exercise your glimmer-eyes, the easier it is to see the sparkles. Even through the clouds.

The unique sound of her fingers tap-tapping on the keys. The comfy anticipation of our morning ritual: sharing what we’ve just written.

[I LOVE this piece, Good Moments. If you never have, give it a listen. It will give you a sweet lift]

good moments/ this part of the journey © 1998 kerri sherwood

Kerri’ albums are available on iTunes or streaming on Pandora and iHeart Radio

read Kerri’s blogpost about GLIMMERS

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Give A Heart Lift [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

We found a quilted heart. Gently fluttering in the breeze, colorful splashes suspended from a limb, we stopped and said simultaneously, “What’s that?” The truth: we needed a heart lift that day. It was why we were on the trail in the first place. This little quilted heart did the trick.

For me, the story gets better. Suspended from the heart was a note: I need a home. The note included a site: ifaqh.com. We were happy to give the quilted heart a home. We were eager to visit the site. What we found gave us yet another lift. From a simple origin story, people all over the world are making quilted hearts and leaving them in public places for others to find – for no other reason than to bring joy to a stranger, to give their heart a lift.

Simple goodness spreads. Brighten someones day and they will do the same. Read some of the stories written by people who found a quilted heart. They will give you a lift, too.

My favorite phrase on the site is on the About page: IFAQH has had a few minor changes over the years, but our heart is to keep it simple, anonymous, random, and neutral with no hidden agenda. Simply leave hearts in a public place for a random stranger to find to brighten their day

Simple. Anonymous. Random. Neutral. No hidden agenda. Now, isn’t that a refreshing intention in a world obsessed with garnering accolade and attention!

“What did you do today?”

“I brought light to someone’s life.”

“Whose life?”

“Does that really matter?”

read Kerri’s blog about A QUILTED HEART

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