Squirrel Lore [David’s blog on KS Friday]

My dad had a special relationship with squirrels though I doubt he thought of his squirrel-connection as special. He kept a BB gun at the ready to keep the little varmints from eating the peaches from his tree. He never aimed to hit them. He’d shoot the leaves close by to scare them. Once, when his eyesight was failing, he accidentally hit a squirrel. “Did I hit him?” he asked me, horrified. The squirrel was stung but otherwise uninjured. My dad was wounded to his core. “I didn’t mean to hit him,” he repeated, misty eyed throughout the evening. I am not certain but I think that was the last time he touched his BB gun.

Our yard is alive with squirrels. Dogga chases them. He gives them a quick bark as he skids to a stop while they scurry to the safety of the pine tree. And then he prances, triumphant in his mission of yard patrol. Later, we laugh as he lounges on the deck, uninterested in the yard-antics of the squirrels.

The squirrels have easily cracked the code of every bird-feeder-squirrel-protection-mechanism on the market. They are furry little ninjas stealing birdseed like their human counterparts heist diamonds. After years of gadgets and guards and placements – and serious thoughts about finding my dad’s leaf-ready BB gun – we’re in full surrender. We now scatter birdseed on the potting bench and on the top of Barney-the-piano. We invite the furry masses. The birds and squirrels dine peacefully together. They take turns. They are well fed.

When I refresh the scatter of seed I think of my dad. His squirrel campaign gave him a sense of purpose. Protecting the peach tree from the squirrels was a worthy-and-fun retirement mission. Without their constant assault on the peaches he would have been left with nothing more meaningful than cutting the grass (note: he edged the yard on his hands and knees with handheld clippers. My brother threatened to buy him an edger but he adamantly resisted. In analogy, my brother assumed the role of a squirrel, threatening my dad’s yard aesthetic routine).

I sometimes wonder if the squirrels watch us in utter fascination. We humans need challenges to feel useful. If we don’t have challenges we invent them; we call them hobbies. It’s the reason that “conflict” is the driver of every human story. A yearning meets an obstacle (Robert Olen Butler’s definition of “story”). Yearning needs obstacle like my dad needed squirrels. And now I have a special relationship with the squirrels: I do not try to deter them. I love watching them. I love Dogga’s daily game with them. They give him purpose. I love scattering seed for them. I love that they make me smile and remember the gentle man who was my father.

YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE © 2002 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s music is available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about SQUIRRELS

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In The Form Of Food [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

As you probably know by now we close-out our day by watching hiking videos, usually of people attempting long distance thru-hikes like the Pacific Crest Trail or the Appalachian Trail. Much of the time on trail the hikers dream of food. Hamburgers and pizza, burritos and pancakes. Hiker hunger fills their imaginations with Romanesque feasts. They ache to satisfy their deepest-food-yearning.

I used to delight visiting a bakery with Joe. He would press his nose to the glass and moan with delight at the prospect of eating pie. Making a choice was never easy and took considerable time. Patrons would come and go with bags full of goodies before Joe would at last settle on a selection. He reverently carried his wild berry or apple cinnamon pie to a table, his first taste was nothing short of adoration.

We delight in cooking together. I am the sous chef and Kerri the masterful Julia Child. We have favorite recipes which are supplanted by new favorites which help us rediscover the old favorites as if they were brand new. Like the hikers, when we plan our menu for the week be begin to dream of Wednesday’s dinner or “We can’t wait for Saturday!” Sometimes the anticipation is too much and we rearrange our plan to eliminate the delay in our gratification. We are not good at delayed gratification. It’s something we will have to work on if we actually attempt a thru-hike; we imagine a drone service bringing meals-on-demand to us on the trail. Or, perhaps, a chef hikes ahead of us with a mule train of supplies to make all that we yearn to eat.

Late in the night we heard the clang of the useless squirrel guard on the bird feeder. It sounds like someone dropped a metal garbage can lid. We flipped on the back porch light and peered through the blinds. A raccoon was feasting on the bird seed. He expertly worked the mechanism to deliver new seed to the tray. He snacked like an uninvited guest at a wedding buffet. We chuckled at his delight, his nonchalance. The bright light did not deter his dining. His worship was more gluttonous than Joe’s pie-idolatry but no less satisfying. I suspect he knows that we will refill the feeder and do nothing to deter his future food frenzy.

We believe that in these dark days it’s important to affirm in any way possible that there’s enough love to go around, especially if the love comes in the form of food.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE RACCOON

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Just Right [David’s blog on KS Friday]

Melange Wardrobe Fun Facts:

#1. We don’t consider our jeans broken-in until they have holes.

#2. On the day we met we both chose to wear non-holey jeans. We didn’t want to scare the other person away. Everything else, the boots, the blacks sweater…it was as if we called each other to coordinate.

#3. We were married in jeans that had holes. We were beyond the appearance phase of our relationship. The truth – our truth – has holes-in-the-knees. In fact, much of our wedding prep involved a world-wide search to find the perfect pair of new holey jeans. Holy jeans.

#4. For reasons I can’t explain, a hole always forms in the right knee of my brand new non-holey jeans. Always the right knee. Kerri, on the other hand, rarely achieves naturally holey jeans so she has to search for her truth. Mine always finds me.

#5. An anecdote: An elderly man in a maga hat stopped Kerri in the grocery store. “You must have a cat?” he sneered.

She was polite. “I used to have a cat,” she said, playing along. “How can you tell?”

“You need new pants,” he crowed his punchline. She acted like his joke was funny and the holes in her jeans were a complete surprise. The old man, feeling clever, repeated his joke to other shoppers. “Look at her pants! She must have a cat!”

#6. A common question in our house as we prepare to go out: “Do you think it’s okay to wear these?” A common answer to a common question: “Of course. Why not?” A common response to a common answer to a common question: “I guess I should wear what I want to wear.” I suppose there are holes in the fabric of acceptance that must always be considered.

We enact this ritual almost every day and always arrive at the same conclusion. The holes are in self-acceptance. Memories of Quinn always fill the holes for me. I hear his good laughter: “There are 6 billion people on the planet and you’re the only one who cares what you think.”

Now there are over 8 billion people on the planet and I am eternally grateful that there is one other person on this earth who cares what I feel and think and wear. This grand old universe knows how to coordinate.

And the shirt above the jeans with holes? A black thermal. Always. Oversized for her. Just right for me.

Just right for me.

***

Happy Birthday, my love!

on the album AS SURE AS THE SUN © 2002 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about HOLES IN JEANS

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Time To Linger [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

These days Dogga rarely bursts out of the house to clear the yard of marauding squirrels and trespassing birds. Now he lopes out the backdoor, stands at the end of the deck, finds a good cool spot, lays down and surveys his vast territory. We tease that he is doing what my dad, Columbus, did in his final chapter. He sat in the shade and thought his thoughts.

The thimbleweed along the trail reminds me of cotton. The pods usually release their seeds in the fall but sometimes they hang on through the winter. I wonder if these seeds have missed their moment. They hung on too long. Is this puffy white cluster a failure to launch or are these the seeds of an older plant that no longer needs to toss wild dreams into the future? Perhaps it is time to linger.

Yesterday was a particularly nasty day outside. We binge-watched an entire season of Virgin River. One of the characters, in a moment of crisis, realized that she was trying very hard to hang onto an identity – a version of herself – that was no longer relevant. Life had stripped away a layer of her mask. She needed to let go. I completely understood her revelation. Old dreams need not fly from the pod in search of fertile ground. Sometimes old dreams are just that: old. Letting go makes space for new dreams and new questions. It clears space for Now. There is certainly no end to life’s questions.

We had a rare day of sun. We bagged all of our plans, pulled out our chairs and basked. In truth, our decision to sit in the sun was about Dogga. Rather than leave and explore the world, we chose to sit in the sun with him. His favorite thing to do is hang out with us. There is no end to our questions but there is absolute clarity in our priorities. How long will we have him with us? We don’t really know. What we do know is that there is nothing more important than surveying vast territory with him. We would regret forever if we lost ourselves in the pursuit of old dreams and missed this moment, this time to linger with him.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THIMBLEWEED

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To Be Home [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Until I was 52 years old I did not know what the word “home” meant. I understood it abstractly, as an intellectual concept, as a hypothetical place of belonging…I just did not know what it felt like to be home. I was a wanderer.

I remember a moment, many years ago, when my pal Robert gave me some wise cautionary advice. I was footloose and flirting with a woman. He said, “Be careful. You don’t get involved with a woman like her unless you are ready to settle down.” I thought his caution was about the woman but later realized his wise words had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. My friend knew me. I was restless. A wanderer.

There is more to the word “home” than a pin in a map. Google can give me directions to a location but can never show me the way home.

Home is the way Kerri and I start each day. It is different than the way others start their day, recognizable only to us and Dogga. Home is the tiny generosities that we offer each other, unique to us, unlike the considerations others offer their significant other. Home is knowing what she is feeling before she does. Home is sensing where she is in the house or in the world even when I cannot see her.

Home is knowing that she reads my mind and not minding.

I knew I was home the moment we met. I knew I was home when home had nothing at all to do with settling. I knew I was home when my wandering had a clear direction, a daily destination, a vibrant space between us that only we are capable of creating, a space that Google Maps or AI is incapable of finding or replicating or pinning down.

I now know what it feels like to be home and that feeling travels where ever we decide to wander.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE MAP

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Two Sacred Objects [David’s blog on KS Friday]

There are two sacred objects in the life of Dogga: snowman and candy cane. Both are cheap plastic squeaky toys that he carries from place to place, repositioning them throughout the day. His ultimate safe spot, the most sacred space for his most sacred objects, is in Kerri’s studio, either beneath or positioned close to her piano.

I believe her studio has become his sacred place because it is her sacred place. Her piano is her most sacred object. When she enters the room and plays he always joins her. He walks loops beneath the piano. The Dog Whisperer says that dogs are human-energy-readers and I think it is true. Kerri’s aura changes when she plays her piano. When she plays her energy brightens; it becomes pure. Dogga senses that. He sees it. Is it any wonder that he would bring his sacred objects into this sacred place?

Yesterday she sat down to play. I heard the clackety-clack of Dogga’s nails on the wooden floor as he scooped up his snowman and headed for the studio. I stopped what I was doing and literally absorbed the profound beauty of the moment. A pure moment. Two sacred objects, piano and snowman, brought together by the love shared between two sacred beings.

LEGACY on the album RELEASED FROM THE HEART © 1995 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about PIANO AND SNOWMAN

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The Source [David’s blog on KS Friday]

A meme flew by. It used the events of last Saturday to illuminate two different ideas of masculinity. The first as demonstrated by Alex Pretti, a man trying to help a woman who was just shoved to the ground. He stood between the woman and her attacker. The second model of masculinity was demonstrated by the ICE-men who tackled, beat and murdered Alex Pretti.

After the meme flew by I wished that I could amend it. For me it did not illuminate two models of masculinity, rather, it made a clear distinction between a man and a beast, between a healthy human being and a rabid animal. It highlighted the difference between a good intention and a toxic drive.

Most hearts in the nation are heavy. Witnessing yet another execution in the streets by agents of the government – and then defended by the leaders all the way up to and including the authoritarian wannabe in the White House – has left us aghast. John Pavlovitz suggested that our heavy hearts are necessary; they are a sure sign of our humanity. They are fuel for our outrage.

Alex Pretti’s heavy heart required him to step into the streets of his city and video the brutality enacted upon his neighbors. Renee Good’s heavy heart did the same. Service to others is often an action inspired by a heavy heart. It takes a great deal of courage to stand between a masked thug and his victim. It takes great strength to video the abuse as if to say, “We see you and you will not get away with this”.

I opened The Marginalian this morning and read this: “Here is the mathematical logic of the spirit: If love is the quality of attention we pay something other than ourselves and hate is the veil of not understanding ourselves, then loving the world more — the other word for which is kindness — is largely a matter of deepening our awareness and sharpening our attention on both sides of the skin that membranes the self.”

Love is the quality of attention we pay something other than ourselves. Hate is the veil of not understanding ourselves. Hate is self-focused. Love is other-focused.

Democracy is by definition other-focused. Authoritarianism is by definition self-focused.

Our heavy hearts are propelling us into the streets. It just might be that our heavy hearts will be the necessary ingredient that saves our democracy from the rabid authoritarians. It just might be that our heavy hearts will propel us to stand between the self-centered oligarchy currently shoving Lady Liberty to the ground. Our heavy hearts do not make us weak. They are the source of our outrage and fuel for our courage.

WATERSHED on the album AS IT IS © 2004 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE HEART

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Holding On. Letting Go. [David’s blog on KS Friday]

The story of the BabyCat chair is the story of the tides of human emotional life. Holding on. Letting go. Holding on. Letting go.

After a titanic struggle with all that it represents to us, we let it go. We took it to the curb where it sat for a few days with no takers. We discussed chopping it up but couldn’t bring ourselves to do it so decided to wait. We decided to not-know what to do with it. We placed it in a spot beside the garage, like a memorial bench on a trail, it seemed an inviting place to sit and ponder the driveway.

And then the birds found the chair. We hadn’t considered the chair’s proximity to the bird feeder when we placed it by the garage so we were delighted when we looked out the window and discovered a score of birds enjoying the BabyCat chair. They were chattering, hopping armrest to armrest as if testing the comfort of their new chair.

“I guess the B-Cat chair has found a new life,” she said. “Perfect spot.” Keep in mind, we have a piano in our backyard so a chair in the driveway is not completely out of character.

The birds scattered when the workmen came up the driveway following the cable lines to the pole behind the garage. They had to move the chair to gain access to the pole. They were clearly puzzled by the chair since it was so obviously placed – rather than dumped – in that spot. They looked around before carefully moving the furniture-in-the-driveway.

With the snows, we’ve discovered that critters other than the birds have enjoyed a respite along their way. We’ve seen squirrels occupy the chair and found evidence of raccoons napping or at least pausing in their daily maraud.

Holding on. Letting go. Holding on.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE CHAIR

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The Evidence of Love [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

The evidence of love is all around us. Sometimes it’s easy to recognize. For instance, Dogga’s toys are scattered around the house. We track the movement as he daily re-positions his toys according to imperatives that only he understands. I imagine he practices his own version of sacred geometry or perhaps his toys are akin to chess pieces he adjusts in a game he plays with himself.

Sometimes, to the outside eye, love looks like poverty or an accident waiting to happen, furniture on the verge of collapse. This is the case with the BabyCat chair. BabyCat mostly ignored any other version of scratch post or scratch pad that we offered; he adored this chair. So we adore this chair.

In recent weeks we’ve entered a new phase in our epic house-purge-of-stuff. After BabyCat died Kerri moved the chair into her studio. I found her staring at the BabyCat chair. She said, “I think it’s time to let go of the BabyCat chair. I don’t need it anymore to remind me of BabyCat,” she said, pointing at her heart, adding, “He’s right here.”

After breakfast each morning, Dogga and BabyCat would retreat to the kitchen and nap together. It was their ritual. Although BabyCat has been gone for five years, Dogga continues to retreat to the kitchen after breakfast and settles into the same spot. We say to each other, “There he goes. He is communing with the BabyCat.”

The evidence of love is all around us. Sometimes it is easy to see. Sometimes it looks to others like a ruined wicker chair. Sometimes it looks like a dog sleeping in the middle of the kitchen floor.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE BABYCAT CHAIR

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A Simple Thing [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

In our defense, we didn’t buy the cupcake. Our dear Jen heaped a dizzying array of treats upon us before we hit the road. Also, she knows us. I imagine she predicted that, at the end of ten hours of driving, a bit of snack-decadence with wine would warm our hearts and make us feel at home.

Everyone on earth should have a Jen: a friend who is dedicated to making your life better and easier.

Everyone on earth should be a Jen: a person who is dedicated to making the lives of the people in their circle better and easier. And, since the circles we populate are not fixed or exclusive, the intentional kindness would overlap, ripple, and literally connect us – each to one another in a dedication of support – making the world a better place.

The first time I met Kerri, climbing into the car at the airport, I found a sandwich and a hot cup of coffee waiting for me. She thought I might be hungry after traveling so far. It was such a simple thing, a generosity. It reinforced what I already knew about her, what I already loved about her.

Making the world a better place. It doesn’t seem that difficult but it does require asking a question that seems radical in a dog-eat-dog culture: what can I do to make your life better and easier? It’s really a question of responsibility, isn’t it? The Butterfly Effect.

Yes, I am fully aware of the impossibility of my idealism. Yet, how fortunate am I to have a friend like Jen? How utterly impossible is it that I met and married a woman like Kerri?

read Kerri’s blogpost about CUPCAKES AND WINE

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