Incessant Musing [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

grasses. winter. snow. root. energy. fallow. aging. relevance.

I am ever so slowly working on a painting. In my mind it is a political statement which is why my movement is glacial. I sit in my rocking chair staring at the work-in-progress and wonder if what I want to say needs to be said. I wonder why I need to say it. I wonder if paintings that “say it” are worth painting at all. My teachers and mentors, all of them, taught me that great art happens when you “say it without saying it”.

Dogga stands in the middle of the snowy yard and barks. These are test-barks. Nothing is happening in the neighborhood and he wants something to bark about. In the absence of a meaningful bark objective, in the absence of other dogs barking in the neighborhood or the neighbor starting his car, he barks, “Is anyone out there?” Is my painting akin to Dogga barking?

Tom told me that when my beard was grey I would have a crisis of relevance. My age-peers would read my rough drafts and consider my work viable but the younger artist in my life would not. I have found that to be true. When Tom was in his middle 60’s he was arguably at the peak of his abilities yet the many, many artists whose careers he’d informed and shaped simply stopped responding to his calls. So he simply stopped trying. That was his last and perhaps greatest lesson to me: do not place your relevance in the hands of others. Follow the muse until your legs will no longer carry you. Bark and see what comes back at you.

Michelangelo sculpted his most prescient work in the last chapter of his 88 year life though he kept them under wraps since his patrons would have thought them to be irrelevant. It took the world 450 years to catch up to his Mannerist pieces.

And then there is this timeless bit of advice from a younger version of Tom: A writer writes. A painter paints. The rest is not really relevant. It’s always at this re-membrance that I stand up from my chair, put down my incessant musing, and grab my brush. A painter paints.

relevance. aging. fallow. energy. root. snow. winter. grasses.

a work in progress: Polynices & Eteocles

read Kerri’s blogpost about WINTER GRASSES

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The Door [David’s blog on Two Artists Tuesday]

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” ~ Joseph Campbell

We leaned an old door against the garage. The towel rack serves as an excellent perch for birds. Initially, we entertained the idea of hanging a basket of flowers from the rack but abandoned the idea. As time and weather peel back the layers and reveal the door’s history, we are delighted that we left well-enough alone. The door is beautiful and needs no adornment.

I am rereading The Hero With A Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell’s masterwork introducing us to the idea of a monomyth: the story-pattern found universally in folklore, myths, religious narratives…across cultures. The human journey. This time through I am slow-reading the book, taking in only a few pages a day – or sometimes if it strikes me I linger on a single paragraph. In this phase of my life I am less interested in consuming information and more wanting to savor what I read. I am not trying to “get there” or to “achieve” or ascend the heights of knowledge mountains. I am in favor of strolling and appreciating.

Sitting on the step of the deck, watching Dogga explore the crab grass, I realized that we placed the door directly opposite of Barney the piano. And, because my mind is savoring mythic journeys I was amused at the creation of our unintentional sculpture. Music is Kerri’s bliss. Since she fell and broke both of her wrists the door has been mostly closed. Recently she cleaned out her studio. It feels good in there! There’s light and space and new energy. Occasionally, spontaneously, she will run in and play for a few minutes. Dogga and I exchange a knowing look: the muse is calling.

There was certainly a departure from the known. There have been challenges – more than I care to count. Like Barney and the door, the old world collapses, layers peel away, revealing history long unattended. In the collapse the purest form emerges and finds new light. Though the journey is not yet complete, I am witness to her transformation.

We placed an old door opposite of Barney. Where once there was only a wall, I have faith that this door will open. She will return to the land of the known, and as the monomyth foretells, she will bring with her a boon, a special gift gained from her arduous journey.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE DOOR


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It’s Fine [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

Now most folks suffer in sorrow
Thinking they’re just no good
They don’t match the magazine model
As close as they think they should

They live just like the “paint by numbers”
The teacher would be impressed
A life-time of follow the lines
So it’s just like all of the rest

~David Wilcox, Leave It Like It Is

To be honest, I began writing a post about self-love and bagged it. I don’t really know anything about self-love, which is why I wanted to write about it. Luckily, I realized that it was way too big of a topic for my little, little post.

Tara Brach wrote about her mother’s deathbed confession: “All my life I thought something was wrong with me. What a waste!”

Recently Kerri and I had a conversation about how different we feel – how different our lives have been – from our friends and neighbors. We did not color within the lines. Younger versions of ourselves were split in two: one half following the imperative of our muse, the other half chastising because we didn’t fit in. I’m happy to report that we’ve made peace with the paths we’ve chosen.

We’ve been alive, not necessarily safe.

I used to tell groups I facilitated that “Nothing is broken, nothing needs to be fixed.” I believed it but didn’t necessarily live it. I was looking for what was missing.

It turns out that nothing was missing. My chosen path looked chaotic when compared to the template expectation. It’s a damn hard road when you are both trying to fit in and trying to follow your star. The road was only difficult because I expected pavement when I was a dedicated off road traveler.

What follows is the complete text of my imagined graduation speech to the class of 2025:

“Leave it like it is, it’s fine.” ~ David Wilcox.

Pax, 24″x24″, mixed media on panel

read Kerri’s blogpost about COMPARTMENTS

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Joyfully Jump [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

“The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.”Michelangelo

I still marvel even though I’ve grown used to it. Without warning she suddenly jumps up and races to capture an image. Walking on the trail, mid-conversation, she suddenly disappears; I turn and find her kneeling in the dirt, her camera aimed at a new bud or the methodical march of a caterpillar. Her muse is not gentle. Her muse demands immediate action.

At first her sudden bursts of energy frightened me. I thought she saw a snake or was leaping to dodge a tarantula. I jumped, too, usually crying out, “WHAT? WHAT?” After the hundredth scare I learned to temper my response to her bursts of inspiration. I’m painfully aware that with my new conditioning it’s likely that she will someday leap to avoid a rattlesnake while I step on it, thinking she’s having a muse-call. I am certain that she will get an excellent photograph of the snake biting my ankle.

In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron wrote, “Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God” She continued with a more tangible sentiment, one that every human being experiences: “The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.”

Blunting ourselves is not natural. It is what KDOT is teaching me. Do not doubt or delay the muse. Jump with both feet into the beauty when it beckons. Play with the moment. Share what you find there.

We forget that we, too, are works of art. We’re not finished pieces but ongoing shadows of divine perfection. We express. We are most alive when we are uninhibited in our participation and celebration of what we experience. It’s called “connected”. Plugged in. Present. Flow.

The muse will open the door and like Kerri, we could all learn to joyfully jump through it. Anything less is unnatural.

from the archives: Maenads

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read Kerri’s blogpost about THE MUSE

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Howling Inside! [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

“A great fire burns within me, but no one stops to warm themselves at it, and passers-by see only a wisp of smoke” ~ Vincent Van Gogh

It’s become an inside joke. She always protests when I write the phrase, howl-with-laughter. “You do not howl,” she insists, “You use the word ‘howl’ but it’s never true!” She’s a tough editor, demanding truth. I insist that I am howling with laughter on the inside and what hits the surface only looks like a giggle. It’s really a howl.

So far she isn’t buying it. Now, when we are in public and I find something amusing, I am quick to point out that my grin is really a howl. “Did you see that!” I exclaim, “That’s me howling.” She rolls her eyes.

It’s also true when that when we are out-and-about and I see something that irritates me and I scowl, I say, “Did you see that! That’s me howling.”

“Me, too,” she says.

She is more apt to accept the truth of my inner-editor-claim when I am suppressing a howl of disdain.

When I was in the first phases of my artist-life many of my paintings were howls that hit canvas. Howls of pain. Howls of resistance. Howls of fear. Even now I am not sure what a howl of laughter would look like on a canvas but I’d like to find out. I’m ready for a full spectrum howl.

Weeks ago Horatio suggested that I let myself paint “crap.” He meant that I should howl on canvas without discernment or restriction. Howl with abandon. A few days ago he attached one of Kerri’s photos in an email – sending it back-at-me – and wrote: “Dude. Make some crap from this absolutely stunning photo. Riff on it. Mess with it. Do it more than once. There’s juice in this image.” He’s working for my muse, stoking my fire, and I hope she’s paying him appropriately.

Of course, Kerri said, “Did you see what he wrote about my photo?” she gloated, “He said it was absolutely stunning. Stunning. Absolutely. Stunning. There’s juice in it. Juice!”

I maintained my best poker face. I allowed no expression to hit the surface. I did not want to feed her swagger. She smiled, saying, “I know. I’ll bet inside there you are just howling!”

one of my howls, a totem circa 1990

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read Kerri’s blogpost about THE FIRE

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Ever And Anon [David’s blog on KS Friday]

“Our moments of inspiration are not lost though we have no particular poem to show for them; for those experiences have left an indelible impression, and we are ever and anon reminded of them.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

This morning, like a leaf in the stream, a painting by Richard Diebenkorn flowed across my screen. I was completely taken by it. It stirred a possibility about the painting that is currently on my easel. I felt as if I was jogging beside the stream so I might study it before it disappeared into the media-confluence.

And then it was gone and I was left filled-to-the-brim with giddy inspiration.

I used to worry my muse might disappear when the circumstances of life kept me from the studio for extended periods. Over time, I’ve learned what Horatio expressed so purely: artists have “pilot lights.” The flame may reduce to a flicker but it never goes out.

“I don’t have enough colors in my paintbox,” Jim said the first time he performed King Lear. He is a world-class actor and I wonder what he might do with Lear now that life has put more colors in his paintbox. His words inspired me. I am working on a play that I started twenty years ago and put in a drawer. I had not yet lived long enough to know what I was attempting to write about. I was stumbling around in the fog and hoped that I might someday revisit it, when I had lived into a greater perspective.

The fog is still with me but I’m no longer stumbling. Instead of chasing I’m letting the play come to me. Greater perspective has taught me that inspiration is a wild thing. It will emerge like Michelangelo’s David in full form when it – or I – or both – are ready to step into the light.

WHEN THE FOG LIFTS on the album THIS PART OF THE JOURNEY © 1997, 2000 Kerri Sherwood

WATERSHED on the album AS IT IS © 2004 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes or streaming on Pandora and iHeart Radio

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE FOG

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Breathe Again [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

To say I sobbed is a bit of an overstatement. I’d been raking leaves all morning. It was clear and crisp. I’d just finished stuffing the last green bio-bag in the front yard and hauled it to the curb for pick-up. All that remained was to collect the bags from the backyard and move them to the curb. That’s when I heard her playing the piano. I couldn’t believe it! I slipped beneath her studio window and listened. This was no small moment.

She played after she fell and broke both her wrists. She couldn’t open a doorknob or button her shirt but, somehow, she found a way to play. She had to. The pandemic had already taken one of our jobs. Her bosses could not find the heart or moral compass to afford her time off to heal. One hand in a cast. One hand in a splint. Nine useful fingers and an immobilized thumb. She played. Nine months later, nearing complete healing, she fell again. A wet floor. No signs. This time, the injury was debilitating. The depression that followed was a deep dark crevasse. She stopped playing altogether. She sometimes stood at the door of her studio but rarely entered.

These past few years I can count on one hand – well, two fingers – the times she played. When Rob visited I asked her to play for him. She chose a few pieces. Rob was moved to tears. I could tell it hurt her. She was asked by an old friend to play for a transgender memorial service. With her brace she was able to play the two 15 minute sections.

Sitting beneath her studio window, listening, the pain and loss, the weight of the past few years flowed out of my eyes. A flood of relief. She was playing. For herself. For no other reason than to feel the muse. It was a step forward. A step toward. A step back into the light. A moment of possibility.

I felt as if I’d been holding my breath these many years. Now, perhaps, on this crisp fall day, it was time to breathe again.

read Kerri’s blogpost about LEAVES

like. share. support. comment. sit beneath the window, sigh and smile.

buymeacoffee is a moment of possibility, a sigh of relief at the continued creation of the artists you value.

Welcome The Muse [on Two Artists Tuesday]

For many years the “sitting room” was a place we passed through en route to the kitchen or our bedroom on the return trip. It was our staging ground while packing for trips. It was the place we put things when we didn’t know where else to put them. I never sat in the sitting room.

And then, one day, a muse-of-calm possessed Kerri. She wanted a space of peace instead of space of clutter. She wanted to sit in the sitting room. She wanted to hang out in the sitting room. She wanted to read and relax in the sitting room. She became a cleaning dervish. She hung meditative paintings. It was a miracle.

I stopped in my tracks the first time I attempted to pass through the sitting room post-transformation. There was air and light. There were comfy pillows and a throw blanket on the couch. I was filled with an overwhelming desire to sit in the sitting room!

I’d heard rumors of the couch in the corner of sitting room. It was one of BabyCat’s favorite nap spots. Kerri assured me that no creature could sit on that couch without falling into a deep relaxed state. I had my doubts. In my time it was the central repository of clothing overflow. I’d actually never seen the couch. Plus, that BabyCat could sleep anywhere, on any surface. BabyCat was a gifted sleeper.

Kerri appeared behind me. She was holding a book. She, too, had transformed! She was the Siren of the sitting room! I nestled into the couch and cooed, the lap blanket covering my feet. The Siren sat on the other side of the couch. She opened the book and began to read. I was like Dorothy in the poppy field. Eyes drooping. Head bobbing. Incapable of concentration. The last thing I remember was thinking, “So this is what it feels like to be a cat…”

Now, we spend hours in the sitting room, reading on the couch. Falling into a deep relaxed state. Each morning, as I pass through on my way to the kitchen, I slow down and breathe-in the calm.

Sometimes I wonder why we waited so long to create this place of tranquillity. The potential was there all along. The good news? The peace of the sitting room is spilling out into the rest of the house. The sun room is filled with plant-love. The living room is beginning a subtle transformation. We gather around our small table in our tiny kitchen and laugh and tell stories. It’s how change happens. Create the space. Grow the space. It’s how peace happens.

This I know: the muse-of-calm is not yet done with us. I can’t wait to see what happens to the rest of the house and beyond.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE SITTING ROOM

Spot Her [on KS Friday]

We decided to go off trail. There was a stand of birch trees that she’s always wanted to photograph but getting to them meant crossing the marsh. An untenable task in the warm months, but since it was a cold day, below freezing, the grasses and ice made a step-selective pathway possible.

We zigged and zagged our way toward the birches, my eyes cast down, carefully choosing the next step. I hoped that she was following my path but inevitably the crunching and crackling behind me ceased. I knew I needed to stop and prepare myself for a rescue. Something caught her eye. To get the photo she’d forget about the marsh.

Every artist needs a spotter. The dangers may not be as readily apparent as a gymnast but they are no less real. My friend Albert used to pull me from my studio when I was there too long. He saved my life more than once. Artists are given to self-doubt that congeals into dark despair. I’ve learned to be ready to throw light into the cave just as Albert did for me.

Artists are also myopic when the muse grabs hold of them. Before I met her, Kerri, looking through the lens of her camera, stepped backward off a cliff. Her muse is powerful. Her capacity for instant-hyper-focus is unparalleled. My muse clutches me in safer places like a studio or on a stage. Kerri’s seizes her in marshes and on cliff side. I am her spotter.

“Isn’t this cool!” she giggles as the ice beneath her feet groans.

“Maybe take a step to the left onto the tall grass,” I say. She takes a brief look at her feet, adjusts to slightly safer footing and then returns to the camera. “Maybe one more step?” I suggest.

Later, when we return to the car, she asks in all seriousness, “Are your boots wet? Why are my boots wet and yours are dry?” She studies her soggy boots, indignant.

“I don’t know,” I shrug. “Show me your pictures,” I suggest, deflecting her focus from her wet feet and back toward the muse.

“Oh, you’re going to love this!” she sits next to me, flipping through the many close-up shots of cattails, narrating her experience getting the photographs. Her narration does not include cracking ice, sketchy edges and near missteps into knee deep water holes. “Don’t you just love it!”

“Yes,” I smile. “Yes, I do.”

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about CATTAILS

untitled interlude/released from the heart © 1995 kerri sherwood

Have Fun [on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

I’ve been working on my painting, Train-Through-Trees. It’s been a while since I painted so I have one intention: have fun. I’m using big brushes and tools Master Miller sent so I don’t too soon lapse into nit-picky detail. It’s in the detail that I begin to take myself too seriously.

It’s harder than you might imagine to “play” after such a lengthy hiatus. Like all artists I puffed myself with fear-fog and wondered if the muse had left the building. This interruption was circumstantial and not a dry-spell. It’s lasted longer than any dry spell I’ve experienced and has left some doubt-residue. To play is akin to re-entering childhood. To not care about the outcome and follow the paint rather than try and control it. The tools from Master Miller mandate the equivalent of finger painting and help my “fun” intention.

Like all fog, fear-fog isolates. It’s a heavy blanket that descends and fools you into thinking that you are alone. It leads you the believe that the landscape is barren – that you are barren.

I am not alone. Master Miller is in NYC recharging his artistic batteries. He’s sent images, paintings of Lucian Freud and Nabokov’s synesthesia. Dwight sent a right-on-time-book. Rob shared his latest 10 minute play. Mark discusses with me what he’s writing and his movie ideas. Kerri wanders into her studio, sits at her piano, and plays; each time I am transported – out of the fog. Enlivened.

These people are like the sun to fear-fog. Their good hearts and dedicated artistry dissipate the wet blanket and warm me to the bone. They open the landscape and infuse me with energy. They remind me that there is really only one intention: have fun. And that is best done with others.

read Kerri’s blog about FOG