What Grows In Us [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

For several months we kept a book on our bedside table: Benedictus by John O’Donohue. It’s a book of poems in the form of blessings. Each morning we’d select one at random, and read it aloud. It was one of our strategies for starting the day with a meditation on goodness rather than a doomscroll through the news.

It’s an ages-old adage: where you place your focus grows. Focus on fear and that’s what you’ll see. Focus on your blessings and that’s what populates your garden.

I believe in the adage but I also know that no mind, heart or soul is healthy if singularly focused. I also believe fear can be useful, anger can be generative, and grace is most often found on a walk through despair. Focus is not an end goal or an achievement. It is not meant to fortress us from “negative” emotions since experiencing the full spectrum of emotion is, after all, how we learn and grow. A full palette of feeling is what makes us human. Focus is the choice of a conscious mind.

Fear can be a prayer. Loss is one of the many shades of love.

I’m aware that most of what we write about these days is about the dismantling of democracy. Some of my pals are worried that I am lost in a dark land or too focused on the negative. And with each outreach I am reaffirmed in the certainty that I am a fortunate man to have so many who care so much about me. I do not write this as a platitude. I know to my bones that I am a fortunate man.

I am fortunate because I have known shame and terror. I have made titanically stupid choices. I have learned and questioned and followed my wandering heart into every valley that beckoned and climbed every mountain that called. I have fought battles that did not exist and found my seemingly good intention was destructive for others. I have felt deeply. I ran when I should have stood my ground. I betrayed myself. All of these experiences have expanded my life-palette and given me some small understanding of the power of focus. These experiences introduced me to the gorgeous people who now surround me, who worry that I am lost in a dark land.

This morning we sipped coffee in bed. Dogga was asleep on the quilt at our feet. We listened to the bird chorus come alive with the rising sun. We held hands as we always do. At the exact same moment, we had the overwhelming realization that life does not get any better. I was so taken with the gorgeousness of being alive that words failed me. We sat in utter appreciation of all that we enjoy.

That happens for us multiple times every day. It is where we choose to place our focus. It is what grows in us. It is the same place – this love of life and gratitude for all we enjoy – that necessitates writing with such urgency about what’s happening in our nation. We do not write to solve a problem. We do not write to complain or blame.

Do you recall the story of Kitty Genovese? She was a young woman who was raped and murdered in NYC in 1964. Although many people heard her cries for help, either no one listening recognized the horror of her plight – which lasted over half an hour – or no one cared. In any event, no one called the police; no one came to her aid. It was the inception of what we know as the “bystander effect”: everyone thinking someone else will take the responsibility. Focus elsewhere.

Our national house is on fire. The rights of women around this nation are being brutalized. The rights of all people of this nation are under assault. It’s no time to be a bystander. We write because Kitty is screaming. All that we love and enjoy makes it impossible to turn away and turn up the volume of the television. Were we capable of turning away, were we actually pretending that what is happening is not actually happening – as is the republican congress – then we would be in a very dark place, indeed.

Prayer Of Opposites, 48″x48″, acrylic on panel

read Kerri’s blogpost about DOGGA

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One Small Way [David’s blog on Two Artists Tuesday]

If you take a peek behind the curtain here at The Melange International (parent company kerrianddavid.com), you’d find a big bag of chips. More specifically, Costco Kettle chips. The bag is bigger than a mattress though we somehow manage to eat our way through it in…an unspecified very short span of time.

Taking another chip from the bag, Kerri exclaims, “These are bad!” which actually means they taste good but are not healthy. I remind her that mental health is just as important as physical health and the salty chips never fail to make us smile. And, these days, things that make us smile are very important, indeed.

And then there is this: Costco is one of the few companies with spine in a nation gone rubber-chickeny. In the face of an all-out assault on DEI, an attack on basic sanity – not to mention a scrubbing of history, Costco refuses to surrender their moral center and chooses, instead, to exercise their integrity. Our dedication to buying monster bags of chips from Costco is our way of supporting one of the last vestiges of courage and goodness in our nation.

Each chip we eat is a small “thank you”.

“Shall I refill the bowl?” I ask, already on my way to the gargantuan bag.

“Why not!” she says.

There’s no end to our gratitude. We delight that our love of salty snacks is one small way to support and celebrate goodness and courage. At least that’s what I tell myself.

read Kerri’s blogpost about CHIPS!

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The Many, Many Things [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

Although I see signs of spring everywhere, it wasn’t official until we received a text from The Grass King that the reality of the earth’s orbit set in. He’s monitoring the ground temperature and will let us know when it’s the perfect time to seed and fertilize. Like all of the plants, we yearn for some time in the sun.

For her birthday six years ago I gave her a paint bucket containing 60 slips of paper: 60 things I love about her. There were – and are – many more than 60 things so I had to edit. A few years after the bucket, among other things, I gave her a piano tuning. She has yet to cash in the tuning but I have hope that this is the year. True confession: my gift of tuning was selfish since I love to hear her play. Broken wrists et. al. has made those opportunities few and far between but I see signs…This truly may be the year.

Today she completes another lap around the sun. It’s her birthday. Dogga and I will spoil her to the degree that she allows (she generally resists being coddled). The day promises to be beautiful so we will take a nice walk. Perhaps a small adventure will beckon. 20 will come for dinner so there will be abundant food and laughter. Our celebrations are mostly low key – rather than fill them with events we tend to clear the space and follow our hearts.

13 years ago I followed my heart and stepped off an airplane to meet in-person this woman named Kerri. I’m so glad I did. Now, I could fill hundreds of paint buckets with slips of paper telling her of the many, many things I love about her.

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read Kerri’s blogpost about TULIPS

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Our Mistake [David’s blog on KS Friday]

I was grateful for the unseasonably warm day. I needed it. Earlier in the day we positioned Adirondack chairs for maximum sun and we literally soaked it up. I felt the marrow of my bones sigh with warm pleasure. We took a very slow late afternoon hike.

It was the kind of day that beckons presence. We knew it was coming so we cleared the calendar. We purposefully lost the to-do list. As evening set in we sat on the deck while Dogga pranced around the yard. The neighbors tree glowed orange. I was so captivated by the color that I didn’t see the moon above the tree until Kerri showed me her photograph. We agreed, life does not get better than this.

Earlier in the day I’d sent Yaki an email. He’d been the conductor/music director of The Portland Chamber Orchestra for years and I saw that the company announced a new music director. It concerned me since the last time we spoke he told me of his cancer diagnosis. In my email I wished him well and hoped he was in good health.

The temperatures were dropping so we came in from the deck. I was telling Kerri about my collaborations with Yaki, what a pleasure he was to work with. She asked a question about his age so I pulled up his Wikipedia page. It showed a birth date and a death date. Yaki had passed away.

It was the kind of moment that beckons presence.

Today I grieve my friend. Grief is a great giver of perspective. It is a reminder not to make assumptions. Not much bothers me today since relative to his loss everything seems minor, insignificant.

I was supposed to do a performance with him in the spring of 2023. The script was already written but a contract snag tripped up the process. We agreed to find a future date. We both believed that there would be a future date. That was our mistake.

Isn’t it always our mistake? Passing up what life offers us today, delaying it until some imagined future date?

Today I am grateful for Yaki. And, I am so glad that yesterday Kerri and I cleared the calendar, lost the all-important to-do list, and held hands while we soaked in a rare day of sun.

My performance of The Creatures of Prometheus with the PCO, Yaki Bergman conducting. 2008
You Make A Difference © 2003 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri originally wrote this piece for breast cancer research, cancer survivorship. It generalizes to any fight against darkness: “Fight for others, even if they don’t know who you are.”

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE ORANGE TREE

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Earth School [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“It takes the brave to come here,” Shelly said, assuming our spirits come to this planet with the intention to learn and grow. We were discussing life-lessons. Earth school.

20 regularly reminds us that relative to many US citizens we are considered poor but relative to the majority of human beings on the planet, we are wealthy. We have sturdy homes. Heat. Clean water. Abundant access to food. “There’s a reason that so many people want to come here,” he says. Promise. Opportunity. A better life.

It’s all a matter of perspective and perhaps perspective is one of the most important things we learn in earth school. Without it gratitude is out of reach. Without it, empathy is null and void, self-righteousness runs amok.

When I was in my 20’s I worked on a concrete construction crew. It was very hard work. I worked alongside a Mexican man in his 50’s. We shoveled dirt. We hefted heavy equipment. We did not share a common language but early on he recognized I was working foolishly, too hard and too fast. He taught me to pace myself. He taught me to work smarter.

At night I went home to have a hot shower, eat my fill, and sleep in my own bed – while he went to a one bedroom apartment that he shared with 20 other people. He sent most of his wages home.

He was corralled in one of the immigration raids and sent back to Mexico. A few weeks later he was back shoveling by my side; a round trip journey of hundreds of miles, none of it in the comfort of an airplane or air conditioned car. He paid a coyote a king’s ransom to make the trip back to his job.

Can you imagine leaving your home, your family, your known world and with few resources, traveling to a place where you don’t speak the language, to a place where you are not wanted, to a place where you share an apartment with 20 other people – all so your family might eat and perhaps one day live a better life? He was typical. He was not a criminal. He was a father trying to feed his kids.

Earth school. I thought of that man when Shelly said, “It takes the brave to come here.” His lot was impossibly hard yet he whistled all day doing backbreaking work. He smiled. He considered himself fortunate. That man was brave. He was also kind. He was patient. He was living a onerous life that I cannot begin to imagine and doing it with a light heart because he knew that his labor might bring hope and opportunity to his family.

Earth school. I wonder how much courage it will take for us as a nation to one day look in the mirror, to come to grips with the distance between our espoused and lived values?

It takes no courage to exploit. To bully. To betray. To feign righteousness. To sit atop the pyramid while claiming victim-hood. Right now, our nation and its very weak and ill-intended leaders are a study in cowardice.

I suspect hard lessons, if not already here, are coming. Perhaps we will discover what it really means to be brave and, hopefully, we will remember what it is to work for the benefit of others rather than exploit them. Perhaps we will forge a light heart in our walk through fire. Perhaps gratitude and empathy will be in reach. Hopefully, we will remember what it is to be kind.*

*Gratitude, empathy, hope, care for others, inclusion…are all attributes of “woke”. I am woke and increasingly more and more proud of it. In this climate, it will take some courage to stand with the people and institutions being demonized, to speak truth to dedicated maga-sleep-walkers.

read Kerri’s blog about EARTH SCHOOL

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Sit In The Circle [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

Somewhere in my past a teacher suggested that it is helpful for a writer to know to whom they are writing. Who is your audience? And more specifically, is there one person that your words are meant to reach?

The question came up for me on our trail. The snow dampens sound. Some people find a winter landscape bleak but I find it beautiful. Distinct. Thought provoking. Ideally suited for an introvert like me. Quiet life. Stands of warm sienna reeds sharp against the ice blue snow. The creaking-moan of tree limbs rubbing in the cold breeze. Perfect for inspiration and reflection.

Much is changing in the world broadly and in our world close-in. I am not writing as I once did. I am not painting like I used to. When I first began writing my audience was a community of international coaches, interculturalists, and diversity, equity and inclusion facilitators. I wrote broadly. I had points to make. A brain to flex.

Now I am bereft of answers and have only questions. Some days I write specifically – for Alex or Buffalo Bob. Some days I write for Horatio or Judy or Dwight or 20. Sometimes I write to members of my family though I know they don’t often read what I write. Sometimes I write for Kerri. Many days, probably most days, I write to myself. I reach in. I am asking myself questions about what I believe.

The people who populate my audience – my community – now and in the past – are bonded in their empathy. They care about others. They strive to make the world a better place for others. They are modest. Humble. The opposite of elitist. They are kind. They ask questions. They are thinkers who seek truth in all things; they are open hearts, open minds, with finely-tuned crap detectors. They care enough to fact-check what they hear. They are learners, curious about difference, unafraid of stepping beyond what they know. They are the people I want to hang out with.

On my walk in the snowy woods I realized that I need them now more than ever. A community that inspires hope, that fuels the creative fires burning inside of me and others. A bevy of goodhearted people I admire and believe in. A community of sanity – my community of sanity – in a country deliberately trying to lose its mind and sell its soul.

I write each day so I might sit for a few moments in the circle with these good people, whether they know it or not.

Instrument of Peace, 48″x91″ mixed media

read Kerri’s blogpost about REEDS AND SNOW

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Beyond Measure [David’s blog on Two Artists Tuesday]

Just as we had the first time we met thirty five years ago, we talked of intuition and prophesy, past lives and future hope. We discussed the politics of the day. We shared our appreciation for art, music and theatre. Our conversation ran amok over the geography of our lives, trying to catch up on all that transpired in the many years since we last saw each other. As always, there was not enough time.

For some reason her photograph of the water running across the airplane window made me think of ancestors. A protective web of well-wishers, a buffer of safe-keeping while hurtling through the air. Ever present. I imagined what Leonardo da Vinci would do if he were sitting in my seat. He made many, many drawings of contraptions that might someday allow humans to fly. A yearning; his mind fully immersed in the field of possibility. Stuffing ourselves in planes, we forget how much we take for granted. Leonardo, traveling in coach, would be beside himself.

We returned home a day early. A text from the airline warned of coming storms and travel disruption. It was a good decision. A few hours after we landed the snow came. On the drive home we shared stories of being stuck in airports. Our stories were populated by kind strangers. Angels who helped.

20 prepared hot soup for our return. Dogga met us at the door, bouncing with enthusiasm. Four bags of groceries arrived, a surprise welcome home gift from Jen and Brad. Supplies to get through the storm. We reviewed Kerri’s photos from the trip. We ate, sipped wine and regaled 20 with travel stories.

Later, exhausted, crawling beneath the quilts, she said, “The best part of travel is coming home”. My last thought drifting into sleep, Dogga gently snoring at our feet: “We are rich beyond all measure”.

read Kerri’s blogpost about TRAVEL

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Whisper A Prayer [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

It takes a lot these days to clear my mind and heart of the malfeasance and how it already impacts our daily life.

Malfeasance, (noun): wrongdoing; especially by a public official. Or many public officials.

We had to change concourses to catch our connecting flight. Kerri put on her mask before entering the crowded train. A man approached her and mock-coughed on her. He thought he was being funny.

Malevolent (adjective): having or showing a wish to do evil to others. From the Latin, a root meaning “violent wishing”.

“Can you believe he did that?” she asked as we exited the train.

“I think we better get used to it.” I said, “The a**holes have been given a green light.”

Our dear friends drove us over a snowy pass to the shores of Lake Tahoe. Kerri had always wanted to see it. As she does whenever she sees beauty, she cried. “It’s gorgeous,” she whispered again and again. She feels the beauty.

We stopped at a beach to take photos. A cool day, I stood in the sun, warming myself, a gentle breeze rippled the surface of the lake. Quiet mind. Open heart. There’s nothing like standing on the shores of a miracle of nature. Crystal clear water reflecting snow capped mountains. It’s an instant perspective giver:

We will come and go. This era of human folly will come and go. The beauty will remain no matter the wishes we make, evil or otherwise, vicious or virtuous. Relative to the life of the lake, we are a blip, barely a blink of the eye.

Within our blip I wonder at the mind and heart that finds humor in hurting others when they have the option to help. I wonder at the heart that fills itself with hostility rather than drinks from the well of kindness.

To hurt or to help? To persecute or to assist? They seem to be the questions of our nation, of our time.

Standing on the shore in my blip of time I was eternally grateful to have my heart and mind, and not to live inside the sad angry brain of the coughing man. For him – for me – and for all of us – I whispered the Buddhist prayer: May you dwell in your heart. May you be free from suffering. May you be healed. May you be at peace.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE LAKE

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Basking [David’s blog on KS Friday]

Just now, even as I write this sentence, the sun cleared the neighbor’s roof, streaming through our window onto the exact spot where I am sitting. On a cold winter day there are few simple pleasures more satisfying than turning your face to the warming sun. I am basking.

Yesterday, late in the afternoon, we took a walk, our usual loop south through the neighborhood, turning east to follow the lake north. It has been bitter cold these past weeks so it’s been awhile since we strolled at sunset. The rocks along the lake were coated in ice. They looked like bad bakery rolls covered in gooey thick frosting. The sky was electric blue, orange and purple. “Sometimes I forget,” she said, “Look where we live!”

Rob asked us to read his play. He entered it into a 10-minute-play-contest. He is a prolific playwright and I marvel at his output. It takes me many many months to complete a draft that he could produce in a weekend. His play is a husband and wife reminiscing about their life. We learn in the final moments of the play that it is their last moments on earth. An asteroid? A nuclear explosion? They know that it is coming. The wife looks out the window. The husband tries to find ways to keep her distracted and buoy her spirits. It invited a conversation as I’m sure Rob meant for it to do. In our last moments, what might we do? What would be the heart of our reminiscence?

I recently read – I can’t remember where – that love is paying attention. Giving attention. To give.

I thought of that sentiment-of-love while we chopped sweet potatoes and onions, sipping wine, preparing for dinner. We talked of the day. We gave treats to the dog. There was nowhere else I’d rather be. It was like the winter sun streaming through the window. Basking.

Taking Stock on the album Right Now © 2010 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

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Get Your Snowman [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

From his position on the raft he can look out the bedroom window and see the Dachshunds in the yard next door. He knows he’s not supposed to bark so he moans and twirls, groans and suffers, stifling his natural impulse, until a single bark escapes from his muzzle. That’s our cue to feign shock and to say with mock disapproval, “Get your snowman!” Dogga dutifully jumps from the bed and returns moments later with his snowman in his mouth.

The theory goes, with snowman in his mouth, he’s incapable of barking. It mostly works. Well, until recently, it worked like a charm. And then, our too-smart-dog discovered a technical work-around. He retrieved snowman on cue, as usual, but when he returned, he stopped just shy of the raft to show us that he’d done as he was told. Then, he dropped snowman on the floor, leaped onto the raft, and barked with abandon.

Game. Set. Match. Dogga outsmarts us. Again. Were he a sarcastic teenager we’d hide our laughter but as a gray bearded Aussie who’s spent his entire life studying our every move, we’re certain there’s no hiding anything from him. He often knows we are upset before we do. We laugh and laugh as he barks and barks at the marauding Dachshunds.

We’re not alone in being outwitted by our pooch. 20 is Dogga’s favorite human. Dogga has thoroughly trained him to drop snacks on demand from the dinner table. When Dogga begs, 20 employs a stern voice, telling Dogga to “Lay down!” and then, as if he is suddenly hypnotized by Dogga’s compliance, 20 slips a bite of dinner into Dogga’s open awaiting mouth. When we laugh at Dogga’s command over him, 20 grabs his chest, suffering mock heart-palpitations and asks, “Why do I come here?”

Rituals of laughter. Expressions of love.

Now more than ever, it’s important to remind myself each day, beyond the chaos and ill-intention swirling in the e-stream, that these are the real moments, the stuff-of-life that actually matters. The daily rite of the plastic snowman. Dogga manipulations. The tangible everyday moments to be savored and shared that make our life rich beyond measure.

(this post is my version of stuffing snowman in my mouth so I stop barking about the horror-story unfolding in our nation. Rest assured knowing that I am groaning and twirling and suffering as I stifle my natural impulse to bark – but I figured we could all use a break;-)

early work: In Dreams She Rides Wild Horses

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read Kerri’s blogpost about SNOWMAN

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