Conscience Totems [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

In a roiling stream of consciousness, the limbs at sunset evoked a memory of watching a master of ink and brush, a fluid stroke, a guided hand that for some reason pitched me into Robert Motherwell. I scrolled through selections of his work and was taken by how many of his pieces are direct descendants of Henri Matisse. I was taken by how many times he returned to a theme Elegy To The Spanish Republic. The atrocities of war.

We heard the phrase “conscious avoidance” but thought we heard “conscience avoidance”. The confusion was fantastic! If I someday paint a series of pieces about the un-United States during these authoritarian years I will name the series Conscience Avoidance. Pam Bondi refusing to look at the Epstein survivors. The republican congress emasculating itself, refusing to deal with the obvious truth. The conservative members of the Supreme Court refusing to look at the Constitution. The Constitution stares, mouth agape, at the justices who try not to look at it. My massive canvases will be pocked with oppressive black strokes. Soul holes. Void.

There will, of course, be a parallel series. Conscience Totems. An homage to the people who take to the streets. Keepers of the promise and the light. Bright swaths of vibrant color evoking guide stars and torches and courage. The fluid strokes mimicking a master of ink and brush, a hand guided by something grander than self-serving-money-lust or personal-political-gain. The living branches of a tree reaching one to the other, interlaced and interconnected, reflective of their roots, drinking deeply from the earth so it might touch the sky. A celebration of those unafraid to look power in the eye and ask, “What happened to you?”

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE TREE SILHOUETTE

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Riddled With Choices [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“It’s everything behind you that brings you to what’s ahead.” ~ Visa advertisement

Once, long ago, a couple in The Netherlands offered to support me for a year so that I could paint without the pressures of making a living. They were artists, maintained a studio and were central to an active artists’ network. I’ve often wondered where my life would have taken me had I accepted their generous offer.

When Kerri and I met we talked about our “broken roads,” the life-choices that we’d made that actually – somehow – led us to meet. Every crossroad is riddled with choices. Some of the impacts of the choices-made are foreseeable. Most are not.

The road behind us, in these un-United States of America, is littered with the carnage of a tug-of-war between those who believe the words We The People are only meant for the privileged few and those who believe the words are all-inclusive. We have in our national broken road a Trail of Tears, generations of slavery, Jim Crow, women’s Suffrage, Japanese internment…we also know the abolition of slavery, a civil rights movement, voter rights…We have amendments to our Constitution, a Bill of Rights, that protect our liberties against an out-of-control government.

We are at a crossroads. The tug-of-war is in full view and the choices could not be more clear. Do we choose the path of freedom-and-justice-for-all or do we choose the fascist path of rights for the privileged few?

Lately, if you listen to the messaging from the White House and the resounding echo-chamber of the republican congress, the Constitution is merely a suggestion, discarded when inconvenient. We are currently witness to the unconstitutional ruling by the Supreme Court elevating the president above the law (making him a king), the suspension of due process and habeas corpus, and a complete disregard of the 4th Amendment protecting us against unreasonable searches and seizures. Our government is actively protecting an international ring of pedophiles comprised of the world’s wealthy elite – including many members of the current administration – while simultaneously constructing a network of concentration camps meant to house people of color en route to deportation. Each day, ICE, the agents of our government, egregiously violate the rights of-the-people with impunity.

It is also true that each day the people of the nation take to the streets to exercise their right to protest. The people of the nation are coming together to protect their neighbors from government abuse.

What’s behind us is a tug-of-war. What’s with us presently is a tug-of-war. What’s ahead of us?

Every crossroad is riddled with choices. Some of the impacts of the choices-made are foreseeable. Most are not. If we believe the polls, the people of the nation overwhelmingly choose the path of diversity, equity, and inclusion, a path that leads to the promise of democracy. The current administration does not.

The vast majority of our people are sick-to-death of the maga lies, the rampant gaslighting, and incessant blaming (abdication of responsibility), whining, whining, whining of this administration and the republican party.

Everything that’s behind us can lead to the fulfillment of the truths that we hold to be self-evident, that all people are created equal and that a government of the people, by the people and for the people is not only possible, it is our imperative.

Everything that’s behind us can also lead to rule by the elite few, the elimination of liberty-for-all. The embrace of antique white supremacy.

We stand at a crossroads. I hope our descendants do not have to wonder where life would have taken them had we accepted as sacred and protected the rights guaranteed to us in the Constitution. I hope they have the opportunity to look at our history, our broken road, and give thanks that, at this crossroad, we chose the path of freedom and justice for all.

read Kerri’s blogpost about WHAT’S AHEAD

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Back In The Day [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

Our basement archeological dig has revealed a punch bowl. I asked Kerri if she ever used it and she said “Yes. Back in the day.” She told me that she made punch with 7 Up and sherbet. I stared at her like she was an alien creature. I have a hard time reconciling the image of the woman I know, the one who wears boots and black thermal shirts, the woman who stands at her piano and plays it so passionately that it hops…with the woman who makes sherbet-&-7-Up punch in a cut-glass bowl.

I had to sit down and take a few deep breaths.

We had to renew our driver’s licenses a few weeks ago and the new versions just arrived in the mail. It is always shocking to compare the photos. My new license betrays a white white beard while in the previous photo I sported a more salt-n-pepper look. “They photoshopped my face!” I gasped. She rolled her eyes. I thought that whipping up a good government conspiracy was a more potent explanation than facing the truth of my face. When in Rome…

This week I complete another lap around the sun. This one is a milestone. It has me in a full-blown life review. I did not accumulate stuff in my passage across adulthood but if I had, in my deep archives, I’m certain we’d find an artifact, a punch bowl equivalent, something long forgotten, that would make Kerri ask, “Did you ever use this?” And I’d say, “Yes. Back in the day.”

So many chapters. So many miles walked. So many changes and lessons and losses and revelations. It makes me sit down and take a few deep breaths. It fills me with intense gratitude that this is where my punch bowl brought me.

*****

(A short scene:

Children of the Future: What’s this old piece of paper?

Us: It’s called The Constitution.’

Children of the Future: Did you ever us it?

Us: Yes. Back in the day.

We sit down and take a few breaths)

A self portrait (detail) from long ago.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE PUNCH BOWL

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Under The Wet Moon [David’s blog on Two Artists Tuesday]

Astrologically, we are in the sun sign of Aquarius. The water bearer. I was surprised to read that the corresponding moon cycle is known as the wet-moon, a reference drawn from Hawaiian mythology. This cycle “…corresponds with Kaelo the Water Bearer in Hawaiian astrology and makes the Moon known as the “dripping wet moon”.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that the zodiac of the west aligns so perfectly with the symbology of the Pacific Islanders. In Hindu astrology, “Aquarius is known as Kumbha Rāśi representing the symbol of the water pot.” The cultural traditions on Earth are drawn beneath the same constellations.

During the opening ceremony of the Olympics, a commentator referenced The Pale Blue Dot, a photograph taken of Earth in 1990 from the Voyager 1 space probe. “In the photograph, Earth’s apparent size is less than a pixel; the planet appears as a tiny dot against the vastness of space…” Incidentally, the photograph was taken on February 14 – according to the 12 month Julian calendar – a solar calendar created by humans on Earth, during the period of the wet-moon.

I suppose our definition of “belonging” depends on the parameters we choose. And, make no mistake, it is a choice. We can choose to identify ourselves according to divisions, something like the color line. We can choose to identify ourselves according to imaginary lines on a map. We can choose our tribes according to cultural differences.

Or, we can choose to identify ourselves according the unities. We can choose to recognize that we live under the same stars and orient to the same constellations. We can step back, deep into space, and look at ourselves, a dot no larger than a pixel. Our differences are not nearly so vast as our sameness. No amount of rhetoric or propaganda or white supremacy or religious extremism can alter the fact of our sameness.

The word February comes from februa, a Roman purification festival held during the period of the wet-moon. Under the wet-moon, athletes from all over the world, athletes representing 92 different cultures, 92 shapes drawn on a map of Earth but not visible anywhere from space, marched into a stadium in Milan, Italy, waving flags, symbols of their home nation. Their competition made possible only by the existence of others who also dream of gold, silver and bronze, a shared dream beneath the same constellation of stars.

It has all the makings of an ancient purification festival. And, just in time.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE MOON

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Together We Chase [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“Freedom is not just an absence of evil but a presence of good.” ~ Timothy Snyder, On Freedom

There is a game I play with Dogga that I absolutely adore. When he wants to go out he stares at me. I stare back at him. His stare intensifies and I intensify my stare to match. Our faces move closer together. When the intensity of the stare is like a bowstring pulled to the breaking point, I say, ‘Okay!” and like an arrow released he flies toward the back door. I let him out in a festival of enthusiasm. I could play this game all day. It is bliss.

“We chose freedom when we did not run.” ~ Timothy Snyder, On Freedom

My first thought when choosing this bliss-prompt was, “Chasing bliss is a sign of privilege.” That would have been my lofty theme but then I felt Dogga’s stare. I set the computer aside and met his stare. The game was afoot!

“In dehumanizing others, we make ourselves unfree.” ~ Timothy Snyder, On Freedom

Opening the back door and watching my joy-dog launch from the deck, fully invested in his Rin-Tin-Tin persona, I recognized the superficiality of my original thought on bliss, my snotty lofty theme. Bliss has nothing to do with access or possession or any soaring ambition. It is something we create with others.

“We enable freedom not by rejecting government, but by affirming freedom as the guide to good government.” ~ Timothy Snyder, On Freedom

My Dogga is free, not because I open the door and remove a barrier, but because he knows he is loved, he knows I am good for a round of the game. Going in and out could be a chore, something mundane, but together we’ve evolved a game of bliss, an affirmation of freedom evoked within each other. We’ve created it and each day continue to create it.

To chase bliss is to offer bliss, to open and be opened. I literally open the door and Dogga quite literally opens my heart-door.

“In a world of relativism and cowardice, freedom is the absolute among absolutes, the value of values.”~ Timothy Snyder, On Freedom

Painting is a bliss I chase, not because of the act of smearing paint but because it opens me to something much bigger than myself. Bliss happens when I get out of the way, get present, and revel in the dance. It liberates me because I engage, I step toward it. I never take it for granted or delude myself into thinking I can control it. In fact, trying to control it is a guarantee that it will dissipate.

“The absence of freedom threatens life, just as threats to life undermine freedom.”~ Timothy Snyder, On Freedom

It is a relationship with life, meeting the intensity of a stare, together peeking through the blinds to marvel at the full moon, placing an extra quilt on the bed on a frigid night is to chase bliss.

Delivering groceries to neighbors afraid to leave their homes, blowing a whistle to alert the community of masked invaders, gathering at the memorial of someone executed by a rogue state, singing songs of freedom together to remind the rogue state that freedom is not something they can take away, that we will meet their stare with an intensity that says, “Game on,” and remind them that, in our votes, in our pursuit of freedom-for-all, we hold the power to open or close the door. They do not. This, too, is to chase bliss. It opens us to something bigger.

Together we chase our bliss because we reject the wretched monster the republicans are pursuing.

read Kerri’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday

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Our Great Strength [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

“Food, in the end, in our own tradition, is something holy. It’s not about nutrients and calories. It’s about sharing. It’s about honesty. It’s about identity.” ~ Louise Fresco

On any given day, as a citizen of the United States of America, I can go eat at any number of restaurants. Among my choices are Chinese, Mexican, Irish, Ethiopian, Vietnamese Thai, Greek, Italian, Indian…It’s a wildly long and diverse list of options. It is also a living vibrant expression of the truth of our nation. We are diverse. We work hard. We have roots that reach into and across many, many cultural traditions. At our best we support and celebrate each other in the most basic of ritual: we gather around tables and share a meal. Despite the utter madness that the Stephen Millers of the world spew, the essential truth of our nation is hiding in plain sight. Take a walk down any city street. Open your eyes. Savor the diversity that defines us. e pluribus unum.

And, if that is lost on you, tune into the music and the musical traditions that the artists of this nation produce and represent.

Our great strength is our diversity. The Achilles Heel of our democratic experiment is the manipulation of our diversity. There is a long standing tradition of pitting us against each other and the color line makes for ease of manufactured division. It’s colonial crowd control. The most effective tool for keeping power over the diverse community is to fabricate an enemy within. While the masses are consumed with fighting with each other, the Epstein Class gets away with robbery, rape and murder. It has been this way since our inception as a nation.

Our Achilles Heel will kill us if we do not at long last learn that the division is concocted – and transcend it. We are made rich in our diversity. We need not white wash our history; we need to roll up our sleeves and learn from it. Black history* is white history and vice versa. If only we could sit at a table together and share a meal as family. Someday perhaps.

I’ve written about the day I met students at the International Center and led them across campus to develop a play in the theatre. I entered the building while they stopped abruptly as if they’d run into a wall of glass. Privilege is blind to itself and that was one of the many experiences that opened my eyes. They told me that they weren’t allowed to enter. Our play was about folk tales across culture and our first lesson together was about invisible barriers. Weeks later, after together we crossed the barrier, after they easily stepped across the threshold and began to make the theatre space their own, we shared sweet treats. I brought chocolate chip cookies. They brought sweet rice and cakes. We told stories about our sweet treats, love-filled memories of grandparents, holiday celebrations, family traditions. We laughed. We learned that our traditions, all though different on the surface, are about the same things.

We love. We honor family. We dream of opportunity and making better lives for ourselves and our children. We seek new experiences and believe in the power of kindness. We come together to share meals in a sacred place we create – and call home: The United States of America.

*It is February, the month that we traditionally celebrate Black History. Even though the current leadership of the nation is taking down plaques and removing exhibits from our museums, the truth remains. The history is explicit. The struggle continues. Celebrate Black History Month.

read Kerri’s blogpost about COOKIES

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The Source [David’s blog on KS Friday]

A meme flew by. It used the events of last Saturday to illuminate two different ideas of masculinity. The first as demonstrated by Alex Pretti, a man trying to help a woman who was just shoved to the ground. He stood between the woman and her attacker. The second model of masculinity was demonstrated by the ICE-men who tackled, beat and murdered Alex Pretti.

After the meme flew by I wished that I could amend it. For me it did not illuminate two models of masculinity, rather, it made a clear distinction between a man and a beast, between a healthy human being and a rabid animal. It highlighted the difference between a good intention and a toxic drive.

Most hearts in the nation are heavy. Witnessing yet another execution in the streets by agents of the government – and then defended by the leaders all the way up to and including the authoritarian wannabe in the White House – has left us aghast. John Pavlovitz suggested that our heavy hearts are necessary; they are a sure sign of our humanity. They are fuel for our outrage.

Alex Pretti’s heavy heart required him to step into the streets of his city and video the brutality enacted upon his neighbors. Renee Good’s heavy heart did the same. Service to others is often an action inspired by a heavy heart. It takes a great deal of courage to stand between a masked thug and his victim. It takes great strength to video the abuse as if to say, “We see you and you will not get away with this”.

I opened The Marginalian this morning and read this: “Here is the mathematical logic of the spirit: If love is the quality of attention we pay something other than ourselves and hate is the veil of not understanding ourselves, then loving the world more — the other word for which is kindness — is largely a matter of deepening our awareness and sharpening our attention on both sides of the skin that membranes the self.”

Love is the quality of attention we pay something other than ourselves. Hate is the veil of not understanding ourselves. Hate is self-focused. Love is other-focused.

Democracy is by definition other-focused. Authoritarianism is by definition self-focused.

Our heavy hearts are propelling us into the streets. It just might be that our heavy hearts will be the necessary ingredient that saves our democracy from the rabid authoritarians. It just might be that our heavy hearts will propel us to stand between the self-centered oligarchy currently shoving Lady Liberty to the ground. Our heavy hearts do not make us weak. They are the source of our outrage and fuel for our courage.

WATERSHED on the album AS IT IS © 2004 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE HEART

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Who Is Watching Whom? [Kerri’s blog on KS Friday]

To begin, let’s start with the term “Ant Farm”. It’s otherwise known as a formicarium, a container habitat that “approximates” a natural environment. It’s made of clear plastic or glass allowing us to watch the behavior of the ants, the social hierarchies, physical structures (like tunneling and chamber making), dynamics with the queen, the life cycles of the ant colony.

I wonder if the ants know that their farm is the approximation of a natural environment or if they carry on as they would in any old environment without witnesses and walls? Are we watching the ant adaptation to a thin-world-construct? Are we watching an ant performance?

I imagine we place ourselves much higher on the critter hierarchy pyramid than the ants. It brings to mind a quote from E.O. Wilson, a brilliant man who studied ants: “If all mankind were to disappear, the world would regenerate back to the rich state of equilibrium that existed ten thousand years ago. If insects were to vanish, the environment would collapse into chaos.”

We are unique in our hubris. We are startling in our blindness.

These days it makes me wonder what larger consciousness plays witness to our behavior in our approximation of a natural environment. Doesn’t it sometimes feel like we are in a the subjects of an experiment? How many freedoms will we surrender, how many horrors will we tolerate before we challenge the unnatural delusion of supremacy? Would we rather erase ourselves than to recognize our natural interdependence? In the past 75 years in our ant farm, in an evolutionary step in consciousness, we’ve acknowledged our need for each other and created societal structures like NATO.

250 years ago an evolutionary idea took one giant step forward. It is called democracy in diversity, a society – an ideal – where the many participate together as one.

Will we step backwards into the fallacy of supremacy and collapse our farm? Will we thump our chests and erase ourselves? Or will we root out the diseased minds and delusional leaders, dismantle the false hierarchy and recognize our utter need for each other and our interdependence with our environment?

Who is watching whom?

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE ANT FARM


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Just As It Is [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

Thirteen years into our relationship, ten years after we said, “I do,” I learned something new and startling about Kerri: she used to be a woman who wore hats.

The woman I know refuses to put on a hat. She makes a wrinkly face when I suggest she try on a hat. Even in the bitter cold she resists the warmth of a stocking cap until frostbite is imminent. She is not a woman who wears hats. She is a woman who openly disparages herself-in-hats.

Imagine my surprise, then, when in the process of cleaning out her studio closet, she pulled out multiple hat boxes. In each box, was – wait for it – a delightful hat!

It must have been the look of shock on my face that propelled her to take a step back in time and model the hats. Donning the first hat she was instantly sassy. The next made her buoyant. She turned up the brim. She pushed a hat to the back of her head. She cocked one to the side. Each hat evoked an attitude. Each hat summoned a story. A performance. An event. A meeting. A fundraiser. A photo shoot…a playful spirit.

The hats liberated her like a mask liberates an actor. Each had a unique personality and the power to infuse her with its magic persona. I saw a bit of Diane Keaton, a shade of Audrey Hepburn. I laughed and clapped at each performance. I admired the power of the hats.

In time, the hats were restored to their boxes. The woman who does not wear hats returned. She told me that it was time to move them on, to sell or donate the hats. To make space.

When we first met, in a conversation about change, she told me that she believed people do not change, rather, they become more of who they are. The masks fall away. Time and experience erodes the fortress. The armor falls off. The hats return to their boxes. What remains is beautiful just as it is, just as it always has been.

*****

(Snark Alert) And then there’s this: if you are, like me, trying to make sense of the AWOL Republican party, there can only be one of these three options for their unwillingness to do their jobs and uphold their oath to the Constitution: 1) They all appear prominently in the Epstein Files. 2) They are like their leader: puppets for Putin. Or 3) They are stealth fascists who never really believed in Democracy in the first place and had no intention of serving the Constitution. To continue supporting this authoritarian madman is political suicide yet they remain silent and, therefore, complicit. They either already know that there will never again be free and fair elections so there’s no need to worry about their precious seat – or see numbers 1 through 3 above. What else? If you see any other explanation I’d love to hear it.

read Kerri’s blogpost about HATS

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The Nitty Gritty [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“I wish it didn’t have the number 47 on it,” she said of the painted clay plate. “It ruins it for me.” We launched into a conversation about all the nitty gritty things that the authoritarian wannabe and his grotesques have ruined for us. The word “great”. The color red. The word “ice”. The Republican party. The office of the President. The Supreme Court. The word “tremendous”. It is a very long list. It includes family relationships. It includes having an iota of respect for anyone who supports him or makes excuses for him or justifies the horror show that he’s unleashed; it includes the systems (people) that seem unwilling or incapable of stopping what they know to be putrid. He leaves his stink on all of us.

It includes my understanding of the word “tolerance”. I have long believed it is important to stand in the shoes of “the other person”. I now have an asterisk next to the word “tolerance”: there are some shoes that are too ugly to stand in. There are some points of view too toxic to entertain. I’ve found within me the absolute necessity for intolerance and I cannot express how profoundly sad that makes me.

And then there is the contrast principle, the nitty gritty things that fill me with hope. I will never see a whistle in the same way. The word “taco” is forever altered. I am in awe of people dedicated to peaceful protest in the face of a gestapo that antagonizes them. The word “protest” has come to mean so much more than I understood. Phrases like “due process” and “habeas corpus” are now three-dimensional and brimming with importance. Amidst the utter cowardice of the major media, the phrase “a free press” carries renewed significance. An actual free press is rising among the progressive independent media. The word “truth” is no longer generic. I’ll now forever equate the word “courage” with people running out of their homes to protect their neighbors. “Protect”. People organizing to reclaim decency and to demand integrity in our leaders. “Organizing”. So many words finding gravity in this time.

I no longer take the word “democracy” for granted. It is forever changed, enlivened. I understand the word “vote” as one of the most powerful actions a human being can take. Deciding who represents us, our values and will steward our shared dream. And, if our representatives betray our trust, we vote to remove them and replace them with someone more capable. Someone with “integrity”. Yet another nitty gritty word that has renewed meaning.

Vote. Integrity. Democracy. Truth. Decency. Shared values, like “equality”. These are the nitty gritty: the basics, the essentials, the essence. These “words” are the most profound gifts that members of our community can give to each other. In these times, they are the epicenter of what we must claim and protect for each other.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE PLATE

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