The Pizza Thing [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

My latest painting I did for Kerri. It is a painting of invocation. I did not paint it from knowledge or plan. I felt my way through it.

On the day I thought I’d completed the painting I asked her if she wanted me to make any changes. After staring at the image for a few minutes she said, “I love it,” and then asked, “But what’s up with the pizza thing?”

In the many art openings I’ve had in my life I’ve learned that what I paint is rarely the whole of what a viewer sees. I used to be surprised by what others saw in my paintings but now I expect it.

“Pizza thing?” I asked.

“You know, the thing they use to put pizzas in the oven. A paddle.”

“Where is it?”

She pointed to a series of connected shapes on the canvas.

Once someone sees something in an abstract image – like a dragon in a cloud – they can never again not see it. I knew the painting was not-yet-done. She would always see a pizza paddle in the painting if I didn’t alter the shapes. “Do you want me to change it?” I asked. She nodded, afraid I was offended.

It is the great challenge of perception: people rarely look in the same direction and see the same thing. We do not share experiences until we…share them, talk about them, compare notes, come to a common perceptual ground.

A younger me would have defended the painting as I saw it. This older version of me feels no need to defend what I see since I don’t expect others to see what I see. I want to learn what they see. I want to step into a common ground, a space of collaboration. That doesn’t mean that I necessarily must change the painting. It does, however, afford me the opportunity to make it better if I so choose, if my question, “What do you see?” actually opens my perspective.

It’s why I feel the need to shout into the winds of our current political and national circus. It is unimportant whether or not we see eye to eye. It is most important that we share notes, ask questions, discuss discrepancies…discern what is fact from what is fiction. We have to want to step into common ground.

When we walk she often stops and aims her camera at the ground. “What do you see?” I ask.

She snaps the photo and shows me the screen. “A heart,” she smiles. “Do you see it?”

“Now, I do.” I say. I would have stepped over the stone and never seen the heart. And aren’t I fortunate to walk through life with someone who is surrounded by hearts and takes the time to show me what I do not see?

In Dreams She Rides Wild Horses (finished, without the pizza thing)

read Kerri’s blogpost about HEARTS

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Meet Guttah [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

Meet Guttah. He is no ordinary snowman. He is made from snow scooped off of the roof.

A snow-rake and a wobbly ladder were necessary to acquire the makings of Guttah.

I did not climb a ladder on a bitter cold day with a snow-rake in hand in order to make Guttah. Had Guttah been on my mind, had Guttah been the original mission, I would have used the snow on the ground. There was – and is still – plenty of snowman fodder in the backyard. No. The conditions were perfect for ice-damming. A wet snow followed by a sunny day. And then a freeze. We jumped into prevention-mode since historically an ice dam on the roof is capable of channeling water into our house. “Is that a waterfall…on the wall?” I asked the first time I experienced it.

“Damn it!” Kerri exclaimed, jumping into action.

You might say that Guttah is a side-effect of ice-dam-prevention. With plenty of snow on the roof, standing on the icy rungs of an old wooden ladder, with every pull of my snow-rake cascading snow and ice onto the deck far below, rather than think, “I could die,” I chose to ask a question of distraction: “What will I do with all of this snow piling up on the deck?”

Like much of the art created across time, Guttah was borne as a distraction from death-fear. Not that I consider Guttah art (he certainly does not view himself with such hubris) but thoughts of a snowman sculpture kept me scooping and gave me the necessary focus to stay safely perched upon my shaky rung.

My favorite part is his hair. It is how I imagined my hair under my hat while scooping snow from the roof. Guttah, after all, is my doppelganger, my double-walker, the outer-snow-image of my inner-snow-scooping-self.

latest detail of a painting-in-progress

read Kerri’s blogpost about GUTTAH

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An Invitation [David’s blog on Two Artists Tuesday]

“Love opens the door of ancient recognition. You enter. You come home to each other at last. As Euripides said, ‘Two friends, one soul.‘” ~ John O’Donohue, Anam Cara

For months I’ve been wrestling with Act 2 of a play. I start to write. I get lost in it. Even though I have a plot map, I lose my way. Act 1 is in good shape. It has been ready-to-go for a year. Why do I keep getting lost? I’ve learned, when perpetually lost, to let it sit, walk away, and the path will find me.

Last night I had a dream: The tension between animal nature and human nature. We are both. We have the capacity to be conscious of our animal nature. It is the reason we have codes of ethics. Standards of decency*. In the dream I learned why I am perpetually lost in Act 2. I did not yet understand what I was writing about. The problem was not in Act 2. There was something in me that knew I was not yet understanding the full scope of my topic. My map led to the wrong place. I now have a clear grasp of Act 2.

This is the reason I love artistry; the messy conversation I am capable of having with myself and the greater…universe.

We have matching salt lamps in our studios. Some say there are health benefits to salt lamps but that is not why we have them in our studios. We love the light. It’s calming. Each morning I go down to my basement studio and turn on my lamp. Each night I go down again and turn it off. I’ve decided my daily trip down the stairs is a ritual of invitation. For me, painting, like all things sacred, is a “joining”. An opening for something bigger to come through. Turning on my salt lamp is saying to that-greater-something, “I’m here. I am ready.”

*Standards of ethics. Codes of decency. Isn’t this what we witness as missing in our leadership? The complete abdication of consciousness; the absence of ancient recognition. The door closed on Love.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE SALT LAMP

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A Pendulum With What? [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“Along the way, we have unlearned how to live wide-eyed with wonder at what Hermann Hesse called “the little joys” — those unpurchasable, unstorable emblems of aliveness that abound the moment we look up from our ledger of lack.” ~ Maria Popova, The Marginalian, January 28, 2025

I am aware that reading my recent posts, my letters to the world, are like riding a wild pendulum.

Side note: instead of using the word “pendulum” I was going to use “Newton’s Cradle” only I couldn’t remember what the device was called. I was having trouble Googling it because I couldn’t figure out how to ask the question necessary to produce the result. Kerri pulled up “Newton’s Cradle” in a nanosecond. “How did you do that?” I asked, “What words did you use to get it so quickly?”

“A pendulum with balls,” she said. I burst out laughing. “What?!” she protested, “That’s what it is!” I’m still laughing.

And so, a pendulum with balls. Newton’s Cradle. Lately, reading what I write is like riding that – whatever that is. One day my post rages at the coming storm. The next day my inner Buddha grabs the keyboard and espouses the virtues of presence. Kerri is also writing like a ride on Newton’s Cradle but she’s a better writer than I am, more conversational and heart-full, so her posts are less whiplashy than my raging.

Riding the pendulum is a hot topic of conversation here at the international headquarters of kerrianddavid.com. It’s relatively new to our experience, this bouncing between awe at the little wonders of the day and utter disgust at the titanic horror of our historical moment. Do we honestly give voice to what we are thinking/seeing all the time or only half the time? How much is too much? Who do we want to be in this Brave New World? What is the purpose of writing anything?

When does an artist become trite?

I am reminded of the many, many, many times in my life that I’ve stood in front of school boards, boards of directors, faculty boards, boards, boards, boards, and reminded them that the arts actually serve a purpose in a society beyond entertainment. In fact, neutering the artists is among the first acts of every dictator. No autocrat wants a mirror of truth held up so society might see their reflection.

And so, as we ride the pendulum with balls, we walk through our days with no answers to our questions. We know our job is to see and reflect the full spectrum of our experience, the little joys and the worst nightmares. The sweet cardinal that came to our window, the message scratched in the snow on the side of the trail, all the while ringing the alarm that an arsonist has the keys to the national house. Both/And. Holding on for dear life riding Newton’s Cradle.

read Kerri’s blogpost on Merely A Thought Monday

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No Comparison [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

“So as long as the mind is comparing, there is no love, and the mind is always judging, comparing, weighing, looking to find out where the weakness is. So where there is comparison, there is no love.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti, On Love and Loneliness

The snow was nested in the pine needles when the wind blew the bundle from the safety of the branch. Together, snow and fascicle landed far below on the well-worn path. I would not have seen it had she not suddenly knelt, pulled her glove from her hand with her teeth and braved the bitter wind to snap an up-close photograph.

Many days later, while choosing photographs for our next Melange, she asks, “Which do you like better?” She shows me the snow-and-pine-needle-embrace among many other photographs. I rarely have a coherent answer to the better-or-worse question. Her photos are always beautiful or curious or interesting – they are certainly moments-in-the-world that I would have missed had she not stopped to capture the image. While she gazes at the beauty on the trail I am generally lost in my thought. It is generally impossible for me to compare the worth of one photograph over another.

I am working on a painting and have given myself full permission to make a mess. It’s harder than you might imagine to turn off the inner-critic, the one who demands better work, the one that compares me with others. In comparison, I always lose.

I am employing a strategy to silence my inner voice of comparison: when the critic roars I pick up a rag or wide-tool incapable of nuance and I smear. I am afraid that I don’t know what I am doing – so I make certain that I don’t; I dive head-long into not knowing. In splodging paint, I guarantee that there can be no comparison to others or to any version of my past-artist-self.

“When you are comparing, you are really not looking at the sunset which is there, but you are looking at it in order to compare it with something else. So comparison prevents you from looking fully.”
― Jiddu Krishnamurti, On Love and Loneliness

In the moment she kneels on a bitter cold day to capture the embrace of snow and pine needles, there is no comparison. She is looking fully. What I see when she shows me the photograph is a moment of seeing, a moment of beauty recognized. Love realized. It’s the same reason I stand at an easel and wipe away my trepidation. To see, subject and object undifferentiated. For a moment, no comparison. One.

read Kerri’s blogpost about SNOW AND PINE NEEDLES

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Howling Inside! [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

“A great fire burns within me, but no one stops to warm themselves at it, and passers-by see only a wisp of smoke” ~ Vincent Van Gogh

It’s become an inside joke. She always protests when I write the phrase, howl-with-laughter. “You do not howl,” she insists, “You use the word ‘howl’ but it’s never true!” She’s a tough editor, demanding truth. I insist that I am howling with laughter on the inside and what hits the surface only looks like a giggle. It’s really a howl.

So far she isn’t buying it. Now, when we are in public and I find something amusing, I am quick to point out that my grin is really a howl. “Did you see that!” I exclaim, “That’s me howling.” She rolls her eyes.

It’s also true when that when we are out-and-about and I see something that irritates me and I scowl, I say, “Did you see that! That’s me howling.”

“Me, too,” she says.

She is more apt to accept the truth of my inner-editor-claim when I am suppressing a howl of disdain.

When I was in the first phases of my artist-life many of my paintings were howls that hit canvas. Howls of pain. Howls of resistance. Howls of fear. Even now I am not sure what a howl of laughter would look like on a canvas but I’d like to find out. I’m ready for a full spectrum howl.

Weeks ago Horatio suggested that I let myself paint “crap.” He meant that I should howl on canvas without discernment or restriction. Howl with abandon. A few days ago he attached one of Kerri’s photos in an email – sending it back-at-me – and wrote: “Dude. Make some crap from this absolutely stunning photo. Riff on it. Mess with it. Do it more than once. There’s juice in this image.” He’s working for my muse, stoking my fire, and I hope she’s paying him appropriately.

Of course, Kerri said, “Did you see what he wrote about my photo?” she gloated, “He said it was absolutely stunning. Stunning. Absolutely. Stunning. There’s juice in it. Juice!”

I maintained my best poker face. I allowed no expression to hit the surface. I did not want to feed her swagger. She smiled, saying, “I know. I’ll bet inside there you are just howling!”

one of my howls, a totem circa 1990

Visit my gallery site

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE FIRE

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Restless [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chödrön

These dark days rolling into the winter solstice make me restless.

Last week, while cleaning her studio, Kerri found a demo tape. It was recorded for her producer and included song possibilities for her album As Sure As The Sun. It was just her and her piano, single takes. Simple. I was moved to tears. I didn’t know her during those years. When all of the production values are stripped away, there is nothing between you and the purity of the artist and this demo is a recording of pure artistry. Sharing it with me made her restless.

I have a new painting in progress. I’m painting over another piece, covering a painting I never liked that now reminds me of a not-so-good-time. I began the new painting using rags because I have a tendency to go to detail too fast. With a rag as a brush, detail is not possible. With a rag as a brush, fun is possible. I sighed with relief as the last bits of the old painting disappeared.

We haven’t walked much in these past weeks. It’s been cold and we’re not yet back to full speed after our visit with Covid. It’s making us restless. Our restlessness is helping our impulse to clean out our house. The energy has to go someplace and it’s finding release in moving furniture and tossing old relics. It’s finding release in tossing out long-held stories and too-rigidly-held-beliefs.

We’re mostly in the demolition stage of recreating our nest – and ourselves. There’s no rush. Winter promises to be long. The incoming kakistocracy is not going away anytime soon so our sanctuary-improvement-project, our strategy for self-preservation, need not be rushed and can move at a restless turtle’s pace.

Who wrote that discovery is more useful than invention? I can’t remember. No matter. We are restless and so, therefore, we are wide-open to discover. The gift of restlessness.

“…and the vessel was not full, his intellect was not satisfied, his soul was not at peace, his heart was not still.” ~ Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

read Kerri’s blogpost about SNOW

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Use The Discrepancy [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Every once in a while I flip open one of my well-loved-and-well-worn books to a random page and read a few paragraphs. It’s my way of giving this wise-old universe the opportunity to drop a pertinent message on me. What tidbit of wisdom might I need to hear today?

Yesterday I opened Robert Fritz’s book, The Path Of Least Resistance, and began reading about discrepancy: what is the difference between where you are right now and what you want to create? I read that most people try to remove or deny their discrepancies. They try to eliminate the tension. Artists, on the other hand, understand their discrepancies as fuel. Creative tension. Discrepancy ignites the imagination. The last thing an artist wants to do is blunt their imagination, deny the discrepancy. An artist uses it. It’s a “process focus” rather than an “achievement focus”.

At the stop sign she stopped just shy of the bumper of the car in front of us, pulled out her camera and snapped a photo of the sticker on the window: I hope something good happens to you today. “Now that’s refreshing,” she said. In our travels we see plenty of aggressive bumper messages. Almost daily Kerri asks, “Why would they put THAT on their car? Jeeeeez!”

A wish for something good to happen to you. Today. What is the distance between us-as-a-nation right now, in this very dark moment, and a community that actually hopes for something good to happen to and for everyone? Can you imagine it? Walking in the world with a hope in your heart for good things to happen to everyone you meet, to everyone whose path you cross?

It is an understatement to suggest that there’s quite a discrepancy between what-is and what-could-be. There is a veritable chasm between the incoming angry nightmare and those who voted for hope, decency and kindness. And so it’s a vital time to be an artist. There’s rarely been a time more in need of imagination to counter the backward-looking-conservative-fascist-fantasy.

There’s plenty of fuel for the imagination borne of our massive discrepancy. Hoping for something good to happen to you today – whoever you are – is a great place to start.

read Kerri’s blogpost about SOMETHING GOOD

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Caching Zeal [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

The season of fallow. The period of time when nothing seems to happen. The fruit has long since disappeared. The vine has dropped its leaves. The flowers are long gone; only the hard stalk remains.

And yet, plenty is happening beneath the surface. The energy goes to the root. Rest is, after all, an action. Recuperation. Growth need not be immediately visible. First comes the resupply, storing fuel for the impending internal stirring.

Our cleaning out of the house and our studios is just like that: energy going to the root. Creative disturbance. The blossoms of the past are…past. We are attending to the source or, better, we are tending the source. Making space is like dropping old leaves. Empty branches shedding the once-was to make room for the what-will-be. Caching zeal.

Letting go. It’s a mixed bag, this necessary austerity. At the moment it seems chaotic and harsh but in time, the season will change, the energy stored in the root will sense the warming soil and appear as new buds. In time it will make perfect sense.

read Kerri’s blogpost about WINTER THISTLES

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Embrace Invisibility [David’s blog on Two Artists Tuesday]

In a recent documentary about his life and work, artist Anselm Kiefer said, “Being is nothingness and nothingness is being.” He was pondering how small and insignificant we are in the scope of the infinite universe, and how, for him, our smallness relieves the stresses of having to succeed. He added, “I fail before I begin.”

The best advice I’ve received recently? Horatio’s suggestion that I go into the studio and “Paint crap.” In other words, loosen up, have fun, completely detach from outcomes. Fail before I begin. Sage counsel: paint for pure pleasure and for no other reason. Drop the measuring stick and reclaim the child who loved to paint. The other stuff will take care of itself.

We regularly check in on Martijn Doolaard. He’s reconstructing old stone buildings as his homestead in the Italian Alps. His weekly update films are gorgeous. His way of working is more so. In his own words, he focuses on process. There are goals, certainly, but everything he does, he does beautifully. He is attentive even in the most tedious of tasks, working, not to get through it, but to do it well.

Staring out the window over the kitchen sink, we switched on the backyard light so we might see the arrival of the snow. The season’s first snowfall came in the night. I thought about a post I wrote and then erased, about achieving invisibility. It wasn’t a complete thought and I wasn’t certain whether I was writing about my fear or my freedom. Anselm made an appearance in my mind as I marveled at the flurry of snow made visible by the light: Being is nothingness and nothingness is being. Embrace invisibility and dance with abandon in the fields beyond failure and success. What else?

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE FIRST SNOW

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