Thank Dale [on Two Artists Tuesday]

Dale is back. And he has an attitude. The people in the neighborhood know better than to approach Dale. He wants to be left alone on his daily constitutional and will answer even the friendliest “Hello!” with a harsh retort. Gobble-gobble.

We saw the young couple before we saw Dale. They were frozen, mouths a-gaping. They were pushing a stroller and were caught between curiosity and caution. Spelled. You’d have thought they just spied a Leprechaun strutting down the street. We slowed the car, stopped, and followed their gaze. A turkey was in the hood. Dale was just outside our door. Strutting down the sidewalk. He warned us to mind our own business and crossed the street behind our car just to make his point.

Here’s the weird idea that flashed through my mind as Dale stomped across the street: he reminded me of Scrooge. Suddenly, my imagination was awash in the turkey version of The Christmas Carol. I was particularly taken by the possibilities of the ghosts! How might the turkey Jacob Marley appear to the Scrooge-like Dale? The Ghost of Christmas future? The options were hysterical and inspiring. I wanted to thank Dale for the idea but he was already strutting far down the opposite sidewalk. I wanted to tell Kerri but she’d had enough of me for one day. I kept my idea to myself.

The young couple were suddenly released from their spell and the husband looked at us, child-like, “Turkey!” he pointed and smiled.

“Yes,” Kerri replied in a sing-song affirmation, “We saw it, too.”

I wondered at the final scene in my Turkey Carol. Dale, after a night of ghost-visits, flings open his window to the morning light, unable to fully comprehend what he’d just experienced. He asks a small child on the street, “Boy! You there! What day is it?”

The boy, taken aback by the sudden question coming from a notoriously unfriendly bird, replies, “It’s Christmas, sir!”

Dale, newly made, throws his wings above his head and dances with relief.

read Kerri’s blogpost about DALE

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See The Signs [on saturday morning smack-dab.]

“You know you’re getting older when…” you delude yourself into thinking life used to be simpler. Lately, I am a festival of delusion. Or, perhaps, I’m a keen observer of social trends! Yes. That must be it. I can’t possibly be like other people!

Case-in-point: most people have muses or angels that sit on their shoulders. I have a “Savvy.” My Savvy tells me things like this: we live in app mentality: the notion that we can personalize our “screens” with an infinite selection of choices is post-modern bubble madness. Choices for the sake of choices but not necessarily meaningful choices. Personal preference run amok!

Of course, my Savvy might be taking advantage of my weakening eyesight. Just like angels that perch on shoulders, I have two Savvies. A Good one. And a Savvy with a sense-of-humor dedicated to making me the butt of every joke. Actually, the good Savvy has probably already retired and is sunning herself in Boca Grande. Bad Savvy is having too much fun to retire. I can’t really tell if Good Savvy is still around because I can’t see like I used to.

In addition to seeing Good Savvy, I mostly want to see the traffic signs at night. That’s it. How many choices are required to achieve my simple desire?

read Kerri’s blogpost about GLASSES

smack-dab. © 2023 kerrianddavid.com

Stack The Crate [on saturday morning smack-dab.]

I was getting calf-cramps almost every night and then my mom told me about the sock-trick. I was dubious at first but in the months since I’ve initiated the sock-strategy, I’ve only had one cramp. And it was mild. Who knew!

My night-table used to have a stack of books and a digital clock. That was it. My current version has books AND reading glasses, socks (yes, more than one pair), multiple notebooks with pens, phones with charging cables and a computer, also with a charging cable, Post-it notes, and the manual for a humidifier. There’s room for my coffee cup but just barely. Apparently, aging comes with paraphernalia.

The good news: Dogga’s crate sits next to my night-table so, as my accessories multiply, I have ample room for spill-over. The top of the crate is like a garage: a place for piling random stuff for possible use someday. And, since it’s technically not my night-table, I don’t have to acknowledge the growing stacks.

read Kerri’s blogpost on this SATURDAY MORNING SMACK-DAB.

smack-dab. © 2023 kerrianddavid.com

Think Like An Old Guy [on saturday morning smack-dab.]

Little-Baby-Scion was minted in 2006. Big Red rolled off the line in 1998. Both of our vehicles are old. Oh, yeah. The VW Bug in the garage is vintage 1971. I rarely think of it as a vehicle because it hasn’t moved in years.

We didn’t realize how old our cars are until last week when we rode around as passengers in newer cars complete with the latest technology. Had we rented these cars, we’d have required a how-does-it-work tutorial. To say the least, it was eye-opening.

Riding around in the back seat I couldn’t help but think of the washing machine salesman that agreed with us when we walked by the newer computer-driven machines to the lonely old school washers. “We just want it to wash our clothes,” Kerri explained.

The salesman whispered to us, “The new machines are crap. Designed to breakdown and too expensive to repair. You’ll be replacing it in a few years.” We bought the old warhorse. It came with a 15 year warranty.

I nestled into my seat and laughed at my old-guy-thoughts, “Nice, but necessary?” 20 tells me that heated seats are the greatest invention since sliced bread. If I had them, I’d probably agree.

read Kerri’s blogpost about NEW CARS

smack-dab. © 2023 kerrianddavid.com

Unlock Her Mind [on saturday morning smack-dab.]

This cartoon strip would be funny if it wasn’t so true. I talk her into a stupor on a weekly basis. I’m an introvert so have rarely thought of myself as “too much,” but coming out of a monologue to find her dazed-into-submission has opened my eyes. Apparently, when on a roll, I can be like cold rain to the Tin Man.

The key to bringing her back from mind-lock-up is to first guide her to a comfy chair and then I play a terrible chord on her piano. I’m also gifted at producing grating chords. The chair is necessary because the jarring sound could possibly make her momentarily lose consciousness.

Once she’s sufficiently snapped-out-of-it, I’ve learned NOT to ask if she heard a word I said. Because she usually comes back into her body screaming the question, “WHAT’S THAT TERRIBLE SOUND?” I want her to believe “the terrible sound” is the awful chord and not my overly-generous monologue. So my pat response is, “What sound?”

When guilty of a mind-numbing monologue, the best path forward is to pretend that it never happened. Answer her question with a question. Play dumb and don’t say another word.

[Kerri’s response after I read her this post: “You make up so much sh*t!”. True. Too true.]

read Kerri’s blogpost on this saturday morning smack-dab.

smack-dab. © 2022 kerrianddavid.com

Laugh Your Way Into Slumber [on saturday morning smack-dab]

Once again, instead of peacefully sleeping, the mother-lode-of-comedy rolled through my brainpan. If I could only remember, after the lights go out, to order a drink, sit back, and play audience to the nonsense that takes the stage-in-my-mind, I’d laugh my way into slumber. Seriously, what I think is funny.

I’ve read that a mind needs to be occupied with something. It doesn’t matter what the “something” is as long as it’s sufficiently occupied. Without some parameters, that monkey-mind will latch onto anything passing through and then whip it into a full-blown stand-up routine. I suspect that the person who first said, “Don’t take yourself too seriously,” arrived at their insight after several sleepless nights.

I’m putting a post-it note by the bed. It reads, “The joke is on you.” No, really. It’s on me.

read Kerri’s blogpost about SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

smack-dab. © 2022 kerrianddavid.com

Don’t Panic! [on saturday morning smack-dab.]

Let us first deal with the sub-story of this cartoon, storyline B. When drawing, it is completely possible for me to respond to questions AS IF I am really listening without ever hearing a word. Call it a gift or a flaw as you will. I call it a defense mechanism or a survival skill. My focus is myopic. I’ve had to develop certain protections that enable me to stay in the story. Otherwise I lose the thread. Kerri will confirm my selective hearing.

As for the primary story, storyline A, have you ever thought you lost your sunglasses and found them resting on your head? Have you ever raced around looking for your keys only to notice that you are holding them? It’s a universal experience.

Despite what we might assume, it’s not an age thing. Looking for your phone while holding it isn’t a sign of impending dementia. It’s a sign of panic. Panic comes with blinders.

My only question is this: why am I experiencing more incidents of panic as I age? And, why can’t I find my pencil? Oh, wait…

read Kerri’s blogpost on this saturday morning smack-dab.

smack-dab. © 2022 kerrianddavid.com

Do The Important Thing [on saturday morning smack-dab.]

These are the short days of the year. The moment I’m finished with work, we head out the door for a walk before the sun disappears. Sometimes, like this week, when the weather is gorgeous, we walk the neighborhood during my lunch break. We are walk-opportunitsts.

It’s easy on the weekends to fill up the days with the-things-that-need-to-get-done. The gutters need cleaning. The leaves need raking. Winter is coming. Generally, we build the list around a walk but occasionally there is an inversion. The walk goes on the list.

I know we have our priorities straight. Even on the days of inversion, even if the list is lengthy and incomplete, we recognize that the most important thing is not the door that needs fixing or the deck that needs repair. The most important thing is to hold hands and take a walk. Together.

It’s how we appreciate our moment of life. The list can always wait for another day.

read Kerri’s blog post on this saturday morning smack-dab.

smack-dab. © 2022 kerrianddavid.com

Give Over [on saturday morning smack-dab.]

In the world of price comparison, label reading, expiration dates, coupons, and ingredients review, I am a loser. In these matters I have a Teflon brain. Nothing sticks.

When I shop, I take something from the shelf and toss it into the cart. When Kerri shops, she reads. She scrutinizes. She weighs the relative value of each item against the recent past and possible future items. She questions and considers every detail. Percentages spill from her mind. She remembers the price of pasta – and everything else – from 1992 to the current day. She can tell me the history to the minute when the volume of a box or can dropped from 16 to 12 ounces, “Yet the price stayed the same,” she grimaces.

During our very first shopping expedition, I knew I was in a whole new league. No more toss and run. No more quick trips to the grocery store. I was pushing the cart for the Einstein of food shoppers, the Yoda of coupons.

We’ve evolved. Or, I have evolved. While she reads, I gaze. While she compares, I ponder. While she weighs and considers, I daydream. For me, shopping has become a time to reflect. To abdicate all of life’s responsibilities. To give over to a better mind and push-the-cart merely.

read Kerri’s blogpost on this saturday morning smack-dab.

smack-dab. © 2022 kerrianddavid.com

Mind The Monsters [on saturday morning smack-dab]

When you are a child, the monsters rustle around under the bed. When you are an adult, the monsters swim around in your mind when you can’t sleep. I much preferred the monsters under the bed. They were more direct in their threat. No one wants to be eaten.

Kerri has many more monster-mind nights than I do. She generally frets her way to dawn. Even though I know better, even though I already know the answer, each morning I ask, “How did you sleep?” She gives me that look, so I ask my standard follow-up question, “I wonder why you aren’t sleeping?”

I already know the answer to that question, too. I ask it anyway because she will respond, “I don’t know.” We chat about it. We make up excuses: wine, we ate too late,…

The real reason? Mind monsters.

read Kerri’s blogpost about MONSTERS

smack-dab. © 2022 kerrianddavid.com