She only calls me “Schnuckums” in the cartoon. It makes me laugh every time, the nuance in this alternate-cartoon-reality of ours.
What is true in both realities is the delight I take in our fashion shows. She regularly asks my opinion about her clothes, “This or this?” Sometimes it’s about her shoes, “These or these?” It’s a riot when we are in the ladies clothing section of a store because other women stare in horror when Kerri asks my opinion – and then their mouths drop open when I actually answer with something aesthetic…style-informed…and not merely a caveman grunt.
Once, when we were shopping for new jeans, she came out of the dressing room and asked, “Do these make my butt look big?” and a women emerged from the next dressing room and said, “Girl! Big butts are in!”
It’s not that we are inept or anti-tech. We are not. We are mostly savvy and can generally figure things out. When we can’t, we have a 12 year-old cultural-informant on standby who can guide us through the maze of complexity.
One of the promises of technology is to make our lives easier. Often that is true. Often it is not. I have found that being inundated in a 24/7 firehose of information with multiple competing channels, services and choices and changes and updates, password-password-do-you-remember-the-password, resets, google searches for clues, revamps and rolling technological improvements…life is not easier. Too much is too much. Too fast is too fast. And, let’s face it, much of what is out there is noise. It’s impossible to fill the belly of a 24/7 hungry ghost with brain-or-heart-nutritional substance.
We don’t watch much tv. But, when we do, we don’t want to spend an hour scanning or searching or retrieving or updating the app. I confess to fondly recalling the days of three channels, an on-and-off switch and a remote with a single button. I also like the feel of turning pages in a book and have been eye-rolled a time or two for saying it.
Here’s the bottom line: I have limited time on this earth and don’t want to lose it looking for something to watch.
In my pre-Kerri-era, I took a 20 minute power nap every afternoon. I’d hit the studio floor at about 3:15, snooze like a champ, and be ready to go for the rest of the day. All that changed when I moved east. All of my work patterns and life patterns changed.
Although she definitely does not see herself as a nap person, occasionally, after a loooong night awake, I have been able to coax her into a dedicated-nap-fest. And, as a rule, she is fast asleep before my head hits the pillow. It tickles me. I confess: I am plotting to expand her definition of herself to include more naps. I tell her it’s a sign of sophistication. I tell her naps are sign of arriving at adulthood. I’ll tell her anything as long as we eventually arrive at the return of the power nap. The only thing better is a good hot bath.
It’s true. There’s rarely been a punch-clock in either of our careers. No one who actually holds the service imperative of a mission-driven-not-for-profit counts minutes and hours because it would only serve to confirm what you already know: if you are good at what you do, you’re working for pennies-per-hour. There’s a reason it’s called a not-for-profit. There’s a reason they call it a service organization instead of a business. Those folks dedicated to the gods of efficiency and effectiveness, those bottom-line devotees, can never fully grok it. It’s almost impossible to see actual service through an accounting focus and a forest of numbers. It’s very possible – in fact, predictable – to strangle a service organization by attempting to make it run like a business.
It’s also true that we used to be night owls. There was a time that my best work, my most productive time in the studio, began at 10pm and ended with the sunrise. There was a time when we took midnight walks. Now, we are transformed. Night is for sleeping. Or at least the attempt at sleeping. We delight (I exaggerate) in rising at the crack of dawn, the birds sing us awake. Dedicated 9-to-5’ers!
She disappeared over 4 years ago. A world-class pianist who fell and broke both her wrists. And then, fell again. Her artistry fractured, her community blew apart and then consumed itself. Pandemic isolation. Depression. Confusion. Hurt. Despair.
And then, in a moment that I can only describe as miraculous, in the most-unlikely-scenario, she let it go and laughed. The choice was easy. The heaviness fell from her spirit. Sitting next to her, I felt the light return. It was so startling that I turned and stared. It was like watching a sunrise. There she was. She came back. After 4 years, she came home.
We walked down the hill, hand-in-hand, and got into the car. We drove away. We literally giggled for miles, overwhelmed with the return of spaciousness in her spirit, the bright light shining in her eyes. Ahhh.
She rarely sleeps the whole night through. Which means neither do I. And, to be honest, most of our midnight conversations are world-class. The deep night calls forward the deep conversations. We generally talk until dawn. It is ironic that the light in the sky is, for Kerri, like a sleeping potion.
And, if I am honest, there are nights that I am incapable of cogency. In other words, I am less than lucid. With white noise buzzing between my ears, the best I can do is listen. And nod. And mutter. And hold my head up. And hang on for the dawn.
*****
and in a fit of randomness, here’s a blast from the past song that has almost nothing to do with this post except that Kerri began raucously singing the chorus when I read her my post…
Posted on February 24, 2024 by davidrobinsoncreative
It’s true. When one of our children alerts us that they are coming for a visit, life as we know it instantly enters a high-energy-whirling-dervish phase. Kerri begins spinning so fast that she blurs. Dogga and I seek cover.
Eventually, a list of assigned duties comes flying from the tornado. A small piece of paper lands at my feet. I try to make sense of the instructions that whip out of the whirl but sound travels slower than my bride and, in her spinning, I can only catch every third word. With my list in hand and a puzzle of instruction, I begin my tasks, careful to stay out of the path of the funnel-cloud-of-excitement whizzing about the house.
Posted on February 23, 2024 by davidrobinsoncreative
“Time keeps moving,” I wanted to say. “It eventually dumps all of us back into the ocean.” I hold my tongue. In my silence I wonder about the origin of this odd idiom, hold my tongue. It invites some hysterical images. It’s better, I suppose, than biting my tongue. Same thing, less damage.
We sort through the children’s clothes – our children’s clothes – from the time that they were toddlers. Kerri coos and tells me stories. I never knew them at that age but delight in imagining the very independent adults I know stumbling around, infant drunken sailors, clad in OshKosh b’gosh overalls. We giggle at her recollections. I marvel at the tiny shoes. I am grateful that she’s filling me in on their early years.
Every so often we wonder what it would have been like to have had babies together. On the drive to our honeymoon we were visited by our first imaginary child, Chicken Marsala. He was – and is – infinitely wiser than his parents. That simple truth, an imaginary yet wise child born in the minds of two aging artists, inspired us to write a comic strip. It was a great premise! It was also great fun to write and draw and Chicken knocked hard on the door of syndication. Alas, he grew up and left us as empty nesters. There are no cute clothes as proof of his existence but there are hundreds of drawings. Seeds for Smack-Dab.
The river runs. Time keeps moving. We have so many ideas! Most pop up and then roll downstream and join the ocean of possibilities. Some leave their marks behind. Toddler clothes that we capture and develop into mature creations. Those creations are what we leave behind, proof that we were once toddling to-and-fro on this gorgeous planet. OshKosh b’gosh!
Posted on February 10, 2024 by davidrobinsoncreative
It’s alright. I know she will inevitably burst and I’ll be covered head-to-toe in her thoughts and opinions.
She’s the same way with gifts. She can’t buy presents ahead of time because she gets too excited to give them. Overwhelmed with gift-giving-anticipation, she bursts.
She’s the same way with ideas. There’s too little space in her heart and mind to contain so many burgeoning ideas. She bursts several times a week. It’s why she’s a pile-organizer. Her good ideas stack up because they have no where else to go.
Posted on February 9, 2024 by davidrobinsoncreative
I can’t help it. I see animated characters in these spiky thistle-balls. Three spiny stooges who are sharp, sharp, sharp on the outside with nary a thought on the inside. Bullies all.
Look closely and you’ll see that each has a different character. There’s a leader who has no idea where he’s going. There is the faithful number 2 who follows the leader without question. This thistle has no idea that he’s lost. And then there’s the character I love the most: the butt of every joke, the low-man-on-the-totem-pole. The follower. This thistle is just happy to belong. He doesn’t care where he goes as long as he’s with the pack. A directionless devotee.
What I adore about my budding animated-thistle-story is that each character is defined by their relationship with the other two. Leaders cannot lead without willing followers. Likewise, the role of faithful servant, blind follower, the second in command, only knows himself relative to number one. Number two puffs up on hot air borrowed from of the boss. And the low man, the thistle picked last for the team, will take any bone thrown his way. The other two are careful not to throw too many bones. Status games are like that: high status leaders need grovelers on the bottom rung. Mo, Larry, Curly.
Cranky, Earnest, Docile.
Cranky, the thistle leader, is ego-driven. He can do no wrong so, being directionless, he is constantly proclaiming himself a victim. “The forest is out to get me!” Earnest works hard to validate Cranky’s reality. If Cranky says it is true, it must be true! “The forest has it in for Cranky!” Docile, in turn, will perform any task without question. Docile will march in the streets, break windows, lie, hide documents…all to be one of the gang and, by association, feel one-rung-above. Docile is dutiful. The noticeable absence of question or thought is what makes Docile such a rich character. He is a lemming in thistle-clothes.
The absence of direction or thought or moral compass is what makes these three spiky stooges so utterly comical. So utterly frightening. So utterly close to home out here in the real world. Animation. Our poor thoughtless cartoon nation.
The Direction of Intention 