Define It [on KS Friday]

“Dangerously soft-hearted. Derogatory. Informal.” Thus, the great book of words begins its definition of Bleeding heart. It’s no wonder we’re value-confused. Poke around the word “compassionate” and you’ll find a string of synonyms that are soft-hearted without the informal-derogatory in the mix: sympathetic, pitying, caring, understanding, empathetic…

Qualities to be admired.

If I care for you, if I feel your pain, if I consider your feelings, if I make space for your grief, if I feel sadness for your suffering…am I dangerously-soft-hearted or caring? The associated verb that pops up again and again is “to feel”. The portal to standing in another person’s shoes is through feeling.

We caution our little tykes not to let their emotions cloud their judgments. It’s good advice when understood that emotion…feelings…are necessary to arrive at sound judgement. Mind and heart are indivisible dance partners. Separating the two is a recipe for psychosis. And meanness.

Does compassion cloud or clarify? In the Christian tradition a bleeding heart, the bleeding heart, is the spirit that nourishes. “The salvation of humanity.”

Empathy is an epicenter of artistry. Love is a word of the heart, soft or otherwise.

It’s quite a mix of meanings! I suppose that’s why the wise advice found in all wisdom traditions is to find the middle way. “Balance” as a Buddhist might recommend. “Get neutral” as divemaster Terry instructed. Parcival; pierce the veil with the arrow aimed straight through the middle. There, the grail is found.

A bleeding heart is a plant, too. Beautiful and it always evokes a sweet sigh from Kerri. Life giving. Instant presence. Now, isn’t that an apt example of a spirit that nourishes? Try to find that in a dictionary!

kerri’s albums are available on iTunes or streaming on Pandora and iHeart Radio

FREEFALLIN’ IN LOVE © 2002 kerri sherwood, sisu music productions inc. (Note: this is not jazz, nor does rumblefish own any copyright or publishing rights to this song).

read Kerri’s blogpost about BLEEDING HEARTS

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Sun Dry [on DR Thursday]

“…people find what they are looking for. If you’re looking for beauty, you’ll find beauty. If you’re looking for conspiracies, you’ll find conspiracies. It’s all a matter of setting your mental channel.” ~ Roger von Oech, A Whack On The Side Of The Head

Our time on Washington Island was multi-layered. Half of the people on the island saw us as invaders. The other half saw us as welcome progress. We were hired to manage the performing arts center which, out of the chute, served as a divisive symbol for the local community. We were the first “non-islanders” to manage the TPAC. Division upon division. And, although we were the focal point of the contention, none of it had to do with us, not really. Our status as invader or progress originated in the eye of the beholder.

Because the actual job was a festival of landmines, I especially appreciated the simplicity – and sanctuary -of our little house, a home provided to us for the summer-on-island-months. Our refuge sat on the shore of Lake Michigan. It was as peaceful as the job was contentious.

My favorite symbolic act at the little house was hanging the clothes to dry. When we arrived the clothesline was in disrepair. We re-strung the poles with new line purchased at the local hardware store. We quickly grew accustomed to carrying the wet clothes outside. We learned that the wind off the lake sometimes required strategy to what-is-pinned-in-front-of-what. Double clothespins on sheets and shirts was always a good idea. Mostly, I appreciated how the clothesline slowed our pace. It brought us into the sun and in relationship with the wind. The real stuff.

It helped set our mental channel. Hands on, tactile, slow-paced, generous, the power and presence of the lake filled us with awe. So, to our work, we brought awe. Literally. We were in awe of these people that cared so much for their community. Like most communities, they had more than one idea of how to protect it. Progress or conservation.

We understood that these two paths-to-the-same-goal need not be oppositional.

We learned that our job was to build bridges where they had fallen. We understood that, in this divided community, we had to pay attention to what-is-pinned-in-front-of-what. We learned that double pins on big ideas was sometimes a good idea because ideas often generated big wind. Listening was the best idea of all. We understood that if we brought our awe to both sides of the coin, we might one day build a single bridge that could not be burned.

We learned that there was no rushing the process, just as there is no way to rush the clothes drying on the line.

a day at the beach, mixed media, 38x52IN © 2017

my site. yes. as yet incomplete. a testament of continued indecision of my purpose and intention.

read Kerri’s blogpost about the CLOTHESLINE

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Spread Da Butter [on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

“It’s a corn butter spreader,” she said. 20 and I looked incredulous.

“A what?” We squinted, as if squeezing our eyes might produce a sharper image. As if recognition was produced by wrinkling our faces.

She’s pulling our leg,” 20 suggested. I nodded. She is well-known for too-easily pulling-the-wool-over-our eyes. 20 and I are gullible and easy marks for her shenanigans. I appreciated 20’s suggestion that between us he and I had only one leg to pull. Unintentional admission of our shared wit-less-ness.

“Noooo!” she protested. “Haven’t you ever seen one of these?” We shook our heads. Wary. Smelling a trap. “It’s a corn butter spreader!” She insisted. 20 and I stood our ground of solid disbelief.

“Look,” she huffed, scooping butter into the contraption, lowering the press arm, she ran the device over a hot cob of corn. Like an indignant Vanna White, she finished her demonstration and thrust the gadget toward us proclaiming, “Corn-Butter-Spreader!”

20 whispered, “She might be telling the truth.”

“This time,” I mumbled. Now, she was squinting at me though I doubt her squint was intended to sharpen my image.

“Use it!” she glared at 20 who promptly obeyed, deftly spreading butter on his corn.

“Hey!” he smiled. “Who knew! This thing works. There’s a tool for everything!” he double buttered his corn. “Do you want to try it?” he asked.

“I’m a purest,” I said. “I like mine without butter.”

“Too bad,” he said, triple buttering his corn. “This is fun.” He turned to Kerri asking, “When were you going to tell us about this?” He looked at me, puzzled, “Why does she always keep things from us?”

read Kerri’s blog post about CORN BUTTER SPREADERS

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Light Ten Candles [on Two Artists Tuesday]

I never tire of telling this story. 4th of July, 2013, Kerri and I walked through the festival booths and carnival rides, we avoided the stages where bands were covering well-known tunes, we passed the pie-eating contest, and stopped at the jumping dog competition. Dogs running and leaping through the air into a big pool of water. Doggie long jump.

While we watched the antics, we talked of someday having a dog of our own. We dreamed that our dog would be black – only a black dog for us – and we’d name it Earl. Or Erle. It is our shared middle name so it seemed only natural to give the pup the family name. Little did we know, on that day, I imagine at that precise moment, our Tripper-Dog-Dog-Dog was born. Dogga is a 4th of July pooch.

Three months later, driving the moving van loaded with my worldly possessions across the country, just after entering Wisconsin, we passed a sign that said, “Aussie pups.” We weren’t ready for a dog. I told Kerri that I thought it would be safe to look since Aussies are never black. We flipped the van around, drove up the long farm driveway, jumped out and greeted farmer Don. “We’d love to see the puppies!’ we chimed in unison.

“Well, I only have one left,” he said, “And no one wants him because he’s black.”

I think it was the first time that Kerri punched my shoulder and gave me that look.

And, although we weren’t ready, I can’t imagine life without our black dog that refused to answer to the name Earle. He’s as quirky and complex as we are, more sensitive if that is possible. He taught us what to call him, the first on a long list of lessons he’s had to teach us.

Today we light ten candles on the Dogga cake. We celebrate the best u-turn we ever made. We toast our willingness to take the leap before being ready. Our life together is made infinitely richer for it. Now, who wants cake?

read Kerri’s blogpost about DOGGA BIRTHDAY

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Embrace The Nincompoop [on Merely A Thought Monday]

I always appreciate when life lessons come in different forms and from multiple directions. The first time I remember hearing this lesson was standing on a street corner in San Francisco with Quinn. He pointed to the tippy top of the TransAmerica building and told me that the person sitting in the big office up there was making it up, too. Just like me. No one really knows what they are doing.

It was a message that actually scared me to death. At the time I thought everyone knew what they were doing except me. I was, in my mind, the only nincompoop in the herd. To entertain the idea that the entire herd was comprised of nincompoops… I wish I’d asked Quinn the obvious next question: If we’re all stumbling in the dark, whose driving this car, anyway?

The lesson came around again, this time while indulging in one of our favorite quirks. Before sleep, we watch hiking videos on YouTube. A recent favorite is Jack Keogh’s, Walking on A Dream. Early in his PCT through-hike, he comments that, without exception, everyone is new to the experience and just trying to figure stuff out. “Everyone has their training wheels on.” Kerri whispered, “That’s true in all of life.” As she sat up to write the phrase, I heard Quinn chuckling. He had a great chuckle.

I’m working on a special project. I’ve volunteered to copy one of my paintings. yes, it’s true, I’m copying myself. Now, isn’t that a scary thought! Every few days 20 comes down into my studio to check my progress. He scrutinizes the original and then squints at the copy and asks a variation of this question: How did you know how to…? My answer is always the same: I don’t know. I’m making it up as I go.

What’s remarkable to me is the ease of my answer. I have no idea. The younger version of me, the one Quinn took to the city to administer a lesson, thought he needed to know. The younger version of me thought that to be competent meant “to know.” The younger version of me, when asked, “How did you know how to…?” made up some profoundly stupid answers. And, to my great relief, usually the questioner would nod their head as if what I said was actually plausible. “What a nincompoop,” I’d think, meaning both me and the questioner.

I am, at long last, able to fully grasp the lesson. Competency has nothing to do with knowing. It has everything to do with being able to “figure it out.” Shorthand: questions are much more valuable than answers since an answer is merely a single step on the path of a life filled with questions. Questions, like life, keep rolling along. I now know that had I asked the obvious next question, “Whose driving this car, anyway?” Quinn would have answered without hesitation, “No one and everyone.”

There I go again, thinking that life is about getting somewhere. It is, after all, the common mistake that defines the nincompoop herd: we consistently miss the point. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. No one controls their moment, spinning on this little orb as it hurtles through infinite space. It’s best to hold the hand of the one you love, enjoy the moment, make it up together, and embrace life as a bona fide nincompoop.

read Kerri’s blogpost about TRAINING WHEELS

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Write A Nasty-Gram [on saturday morning smack-dab.]

Here we are. Knock-knock-knocking on Medicare’s door.

First, I want to know who designed Medicare. I use the word “designed” loosely since this hot-mess-of-a-system is purposefully fragmented and filled with landmines meant to trip older people. It’s probably designed by the same team that orchestrated the tax codes. Daedalus, designer of the labyrinth that held the Minotaur captive, might have created something so stupidly complex. In government-program-design-school there must be a course entitled Over-Complicating Simple Systems.

Of course, the Supremes, in eliminating Affirmative Action, suggested that we already enjoy equal access under the law [insert eye-roll]. So, I want access to the same health program as Congress. I want to pay the same percentage of tax as the 1%. Or, I want them to pay the same percentage that I pay.

I’d write a nasty gram but I know there’s also a senior level course in government-program-design-school entitled, Tipping The Scales For The Few. You have to take it in conjunction with the class called Dumbfounding The Citizenry.

read Kerri’s more-pleasant-less-ranty smack-dab post.

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Act For The Benefit [on KS Friday]

We are hunkering down today. The smoke from the Canadian fires has arrived and the air-quality-index reads “Poor” to “Dangerous.” My head hurts. I feel as if I can’t catch my breath. A glaring example of interconnectivity. Airspace knows no nation. Not really. All for one and one for all.

I Googled the phrase “All for one and one for all” wondering if it was yet another clever Shakespearean quote. It is but the good poet didn’t originate it. He borrowed it from the Latin or from Aesop. I read that now-a-days it is the unofficial motto of Switzerland. “Each individual should act for the benefit of the group, and the group should act for the benefit of the individual.”

Aesop was born circa 620 BCE so the idea that we should – and could – act for the benefit of all is not a new idea. It may be the most basic of human survival necessities. Aesop popped it into a fable since storytelling is the original-and-best form of adult learning theory. On a side note, someone who composes and/or tells fables is called a “fabulist.” Had I known sooner I’d have spattered that on every business card, used it at every social gathering: “What do you do for a living, Mr. Robinson?”

(humble chuckle) “Oh, you know, I’m a fabulist. Here’s my card…”

Kerri snapped this photo of Meadow Hawkweed. It’s important to our story of Canadian smoke in American airspace because its healing properties include the treatment of asthma and other respiratory ailments. All for one and one for all includes the world of flora and fauna, too. The whole knows no parts just as the airspace knows no nation.

In my dystopian fantasy, when we warm the globe sufficiently enough that systems collapse and smoky air is the new norm, I’ll corner the market on Hawkweed. Just-kidding. I’ll share what I know with whomever needs help breathing. And, while waiting for the healing to kick-in, I’ll tell some stories of people helping people. Like Aesop, I’ll try and plant the seed for a better world. Once a fabulist, always a fabulist.

in a split second/as sure as the sun © 2002 kerri sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora and iHeart Radio

read Kerri’s blogpost on HAWKWEED

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Labor For Surprise [on DR Thursday]

I designed the set using a David-Hockey color palette. Rich and vibrant. A gifted scenic artist brought my renderings to life. I was concerned. Sometimes what looks good on paper does not scale well. Sometimes scaling up fulfills the promise. Dreams are that way, too. You can’t possibly know a good idea is genuinely good until you give it a try.

I moved from California to Seattle. When I first arrived in Seattle I took my paintings to many, many galleries hoping to find representation. I was excited to be in a city with a mature art scene. I was ready to scale up my career. The response was unanimous: my paintings were too vibrant. Too much color. As a kindness, one gallery owner suggested that my paintings were appropriate for a California audience but would never sell in Seattle. Apparently the cloudy skies and reputation for rain dampened en masse the local appreciation of color.

I was deflated but undeterred.

After a season or two in Seattle my color palette was noticeably different, toned down. The ubiquitous rain naturally muted my spectrum of color. There’s no telling what will happen when lofty dreams hit the hard work of reality. It’s unpredictable. The labor of surprise. Once I was sufficiently color-muted, everyday, every-single-day for 15 years, I showed paintings in galleries, in coffeehouses, in theatre lobbies, in studios, in pop-up shows…

I left Seattle when I met Kerri. I knew immediately that she was The One. Early on, before I actually moved, as we were driving around town, I wondered if my art-life would survive in this new place. I wondered if it was time for me to scale down. The same rule that applies to scaling up also applies to the opposite direction. It was new territory. My dream had never included the idea of trimming. From this vantage point I can safely say that I had no idea how hard it would be and no idea of the abundant changes – that brought simple abundance – this move would bring.

Yesterday Jen asked, if we had life to live over again, and money wasn’t an option, would we make the same choices. Kerri and I laughed heartily at the money-part. This path has been hard – so far, money hasn’t been an option – but we were unanimous and immediate in our response: I wouldn’t – we wouldn’t – change a thing. This dream was and continues to be a genuinely good idea, regardless of scale, filled to the brim with vibrant color and the hard labor of surprise.

cloud watchers, acrylic on canvas, 20×49.5IN, © circa 2002

My still-as-yet-unfinished-because-I’m debating-the-how-what-and-why-of-my-life-website

read Kerri’s blogpost about PEONY RAIN

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Giggle Across The Threshold [on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

This one acted like a threshold guardian. Usually, when we come upon snakes on the trail, they want nothing to do with us and quickly slither away. This one, stretched across the trail, soaking up the sun, sensed our presence, and rather than escape, coiled into a defensive posture. “You shall not pass!” I almost expected it to hiss a riddle in our general direction. Ready to eat us if we failed to answer correctly.

It was a garter snake. Much smaller than this picture portrays. Not poisonous. All bark and no bite. Like a little chihuahua that imagines itself alpha to a german shepherd, this snake had much more attitude than body. It was serious.

I imagine there are few things more humiliating for a threshold guardian than for a sock-and-sandaled tourist to completely miss its ominous threat and enthusiastically take a picture of it. ‘Lookit!” Kerri smiled, knelt and began snapping photos. The snake flexed its machismo and Kerri giggled, “Why do you think he’s doing that?” The snake doubled-down. Kerri’s delight escalated.

It was like watching a Monty Python movie. Threshold humiliation. I imagined The Sphinx encountering a couple of Wisconsin tourists clad in khaki cargo shorts who guffaw at her scary posture, her incomprehensible riddle. They put their arms around her, ask her to pose for a nice selfie. “Smile!” they chime, two thumbs up to the camera. They invite her to a hot-dish dinner.

The Sphinx lets them pass and hopes no one was watching.

And so it was with the snake and Kerri. The more threatening it became, the more laughter it invoked in her. The more photos she took.

We moved on. Thrilled, she showed me her snake series. I couldn’t bear to look back and watch the mortified snake slither into the grass, deflated.

[I stop here. It is too tempting to suggest this an effective strategy for dealing with all the puffed up political snakes and slithering pundits on our trail. So I won’t do it. I won’t suggest it. I’ll keep it to myself. Really.]

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE SNAKE

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Touch The Immensity [on Two Artists Tuesday]

I’ve always felt a kinship with birds of prey, especially hawks and owls. If I fully comprehend the concept of a “blessing” then I feel blessed when one of those great birds cross my path. A sign. A message. An acknowledgement.

A guide.

Last fall we were with a hawk when it died. From my office window I saw it struggling. It was laying in the middle of the street. I grabbed a thick towel so I might pick it up and move it off the road without harming it. Just as I was ready to placed the towel over the bird, like a rocket it shot into the sky landing in the tree above me. We watched it. After several minutes, it suddenly flapped its wings and then fell to the ground. With the towel, we bundled it and put it into a box. We called Fellow Mortals Wildlife Hospital and the DNR to ask what we should do. By the time we reached someone, it had passed.

It is possible to Google anything so I searched for the meaning of the experience according to the good-god-google: Something new is about to begin. Let go. Move on. Good advice and useful every single sunrise.

Searching for meaning. Making meaning. What could be more human?

I thought about the hawk when we came across an owl feather on the trail. At first we thought it was a hawk feather but the good-god-google instructed otherwise. They are easy to confuse since the feather markings are remarkably similar.

It was important to discern the difference since the meanings according to the good-god-google differ. If an owl feather, then wisdom is the theme. If a hawk feather, then the gift of power and courage to overcome obstacles.

Or, it’s simply a beautiful feather that brings to us the great gift of appreciation, no good-god necessary.

Mostly, the pursuit of meaning from our bird encounters plucks the bass string of human yearning: connectivity to something larger. Something much larger than the good-god-google, a numbers god by definition, sporting 100 zeros. Something much larger than prayers or mantras. The resonating recognition that comes when gazing into the infinity of a midnight sky. The briefest touch of immensity when standing before the rolling endless waves at a beach. The vibrantly alive blue ball of earth as seen from the moon.

Pay attention. This bird carries a message meant for me.

Being – beyond the limitation of words, like the feeling of kinship with a passing hawk. The awe of a midnight hoot from an owl. The driving necessity of making meaning of something as precious and passing as life.

read Kerri’s blogpost about OWL FEATHER

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