After All [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

We spent some time hanging out with Frank over the holiday. He is 93 and doing a stint in rehab. Frank is filled to the brim with great stories told with the laughing good humor of a man who has made a friend of folly. On our way out the door he said, “After all, isn’t that what’s most important in life, what life is about? Good friends. The relationships we enjoy. The time we spend together” We nodded and he added, “It seems like we have nothing to complain about.”

Frank is among my role-models for how to age well. Stay wide-open to new experiences. Believe in the goodness of people. Dance the twist at every opportunity. Laugh at yourself. Cultivate your mischief. Stand firmly planted in gratitude.

A few years ago I read about a comic whose performances and life blossomed when he realized that his job was not to make people laugh, rather, it was to bring them to their laughter. It’s subtle but profound: focus on what you bring to others, not on what you get from them. Later, as we prepared our Guinness Irish stew and mashed potatoes, I realized this simple message was Frank’s superpower, the reason why I admire him: even at 93 years old in rehab, even while facing an impossible mountain to climb, his focus was on what he could bring to us. There was not a hint of self-pity. There was no mention of his aches, pains or growing list of obstacles. He told fishing stories and regaled us with adventures from his youth. We laughed and bantered and left feeling full to the brim with great stories and good humor.

“After all, isn’t that what’s most important in life, what life is about? Good friends. The relationships we enjoy. The time we spend together” We nodded and Frank added, “It seems like we have nothing to complain about.”

read Kerri’s blogpost about GATHERING

likesharesupportthankyou

Step Into The Light [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

The fear of speaking in public is consistently ranked number one above the fear of death. For the Epstein survivors, the two fears merge into one: for years they feared they would be harmed if they spoke out. Their fear is not unfounded. The most powerful men (people) in the world have conspired for decades to keep them silent. They still are. So, imagine the courage it has taken for them to stand in public and speak.

It is ironic that the entire Republican party, fearful of the light of truth, continue to believe that their silence-in-lock-step is strength. Although they feign support for the release of the Epstein files and pretend concern for the over-one-thousand victims, although they vomit words and words and more words… the noise they make is nothing more than cover for their complicity. It is loud silence. To misquote Shakespeare, Methinks thou doth protest too much.

Audre Lorde wrote, “Your silence will not protect you.” It is a truth that the Epstein survivors came to understand, a driving force behind their courage to step together into the public light and say, “This happened. It was wrong. It matters.” (Tarana Burke, Unbound)

Just as the survivors came to recognize that silence is not strength, we can only hope that the Republican party, the DOJ and the FBI soon arrive at the same conclusion: silence will not protect you. Obfuscating will not spare you. Silence, in this case, is nothing more or less than collusion with the perpetrators. Conspiracy inevitably arrives at a reckoning.

So, to the increasingly spine-free members, the sad remnants of the once Grand Old Party, we hope some among you address the elephant in the room, break the silence and find the courage to demand full disclosure of the files. Step into the light with the survivors. No matter how emphatic the noise you make, no matter how excessive the denial or empty declarations of concern you bellow, it might be prudent to arrive at the same conclusion as did the Epstein survivors: silence will no longer protect you.

read Kerri’s blogpost about SILENCE AND VOICE

likesharesupportthankyou

A Simple Thing [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

In our defense, we didn’t buy the cupcake. Our dear Jen heaped a dizzying array of treats upon us before we hit the road. Also, she knows us. I imagine she predicted that, at the end of ten hours of driving, a bit of snack-decadence with wine would warm our hearts and make us feel at home.

Everyone on earth should have a Jen: a friend who is dedicated to making your life better and easier.

Everyone on earth should be a Jen: a person who is dedicated to making the lives of the people in their circle better and easier. And, since the circles we populate are not fixed or exclusive, the intentional kindness would overlap, ripple, and literally connect us – each to one another in a dedication of support – making the world a better place.

The first time I met Kerri, climbing into the car at the airport, I found a sandwich and a hot cup of coffee waiting for me. She thought I might be hungry after traveling so far. It was such a simple thing, a generosity. It reinforced what I already knew about her, what I already loved about her.

Making the world a better place. It doesn’t seem that difficult but it does require asking a question that seems radical in a dog-eat-dog culture: what can I do to make your life better and easier? It’s really a question of responsibility, isn’t it? The Butterfly Effect.

Yes, I am fully aware of the impossibility of my idealism. Yet, how fortunate am I to have a friend like Jen? How utterly impossible is it that I met and married a woman like Kerri?

read Kerri’s blogpost about CUPCAKES AND WINE

likesharesupportthankyou

It Speaks Volumes [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

We’re hearing a lot about SNAP during these days of government shutdown. SNAP is the acronym for the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program. As the current administration attempts to eliminate this critical life support for 42 million citizens, I am plagued with a question. How is it possible in the richest country on earth that 12% of our citizens are living on the thinnest of margins? But that’s not my question. This is: How is it possible that the government of the richest country in the history of the world, a government of the people, would refuse to throw a life ring to its people who will starve without it?

Asked another way: Who would stand on the dock, holding a life ring, and not throw it to a drowning person?

It’s worse: Who would stand on the dock and actively prevent others – rescuers – from throwing a life ring to a drowning person? To a community of drowning people?

It speaks volumes.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE LIFE RING

likesharesupportthankyou

What Goes Around [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“May you dwell in your heart. May you be free from suffering. May you be healed. May you be at peace.” ~ Buddhist Prayer

I’ve always appreciated this Buddhist prayer because it is inclusive and expansive. The prayer is repeated several times, each time with a change of the pronoun. For instance, it begins with “I”; “May I dwell in my heart…” From the center of “I”, the prayer moves outward as a prayer for the closest “other”; “May Kerri dwell in her heart…” And, then, again, moving outward, “May Dwight dwell in his heart…” and on and on, expanding and including until the outermost ring of the circle is reached, “May all people dwell in their heart…”

And then, the prayer continues, only now it pulls the heart of humanity back toward – and finally arriving at, “May I dwell in my heart. May I be free from suffering. May I be healed. May I be at peace.”

The message of the prayer cycle is explicit: outward peace on earth is the expression of inner peace within each individual.

Horatio echoed Kerri’s belief when he said that all religions can be boiled down to this phrase: be kind. Outward kindness to others is the expression of inner kindness to the self.

I’ve been pondering the root of deep division ripping apart our nation. It seems so simple. As Horatio reminded me, there are two philosophies at loggerheads. “Every man for himself” versus “I am my brother’s/sister’s keeper.” If you live in an “every man for himself” mindset then there is no need for inclusion or expansion. Exploitation is the goal and hoarding is the and the best you can do. We are witness to this philosophy: gold leaf and ballrooms while many in the nation starve. There is no need for heart or peace.

We are also witness to the other philosophy, those who care for the well-being of their neighbors: people marching in protest of the daily abuse power, people racing into the streets to protect their neighbors from ICE, people giving to food banks…

Which world would we rather live in? Democracy is fundamentally the Buddhist prayer. Of The People. Fascism is the opposite: a dictatorial leader using the military, suppressing opposition. No peace. No prayer.

Absolute power or governance by the people? Heart prayer or no heart? Personal gain through the intentional infliction of suffering or striving for peace and prosperity for all? Which will we choose?

In either case, as the old saying goes, “As within, so without.” Or, said another way, “What goes around, comes around.”

read Kerri’s blogpost about PEACE

likesharecommentsupportthankyou

Moving Mountains [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

There are few artists that she admires more than Phil Vassar. He is one of the great singer-songwriters of his genre. Last week he played at the Genesse just down the road so we moved a few mountains to be there. He’s recovering from a heart attack and a stroke so he also moved a few mountains to be there. I’ve never witnessed more simple gratitude pour from a performer – for being alive, for being able to sing and play, for sharing his gifts.

The lyric went straight to her heart and she cried: dreams can grow wild born inside an American child. She cried for her own wild dreams.

She cried for the crumbling dream called The United States of America. This song, American Child, in a moment became the anthem for all that we are losing, all that her father, a WWII vet, a prisoner of war, who fought against fascists, who carried the deep psychological scars from his service through the rest of his life…all so that his children and grandchildren might live in a country where dreams can grow wild.

She cried.

Democracy is, itself, a wild dream careening toward a cliff. The White House is literally being torn apart by a man-who-would-be-king. The congress has all but abdicated its responsibility; it’s literally left-the-building. The Supreme Court regularly rules against the Constitution, literally elevating one man above the law.

Those who believe in the dream of democracy hit the streets on the day we saw Phil Vassar. It was the biggest protest in the history of our young nation. Thom Hartmann wrote: “The No Kings Day protests last weekend were breathtakingBut here’s the hard truth: that energy, that passion, that righteousness means very little if it doesn’t translate into structure and leadership. Movements that fail to coalesce around leaders and build institutions typically die in the glare of their own moral light or fail to produce results.

Wild dreams are the north star of action. The dreams of an artist become reality after hours and hours and years and years of practice and rehearsal. Specific action aimed at the manifestation of the dream; moving mountains.

Democracy is not defended by hashtags. It’s defended by hands, millions of them, building, voting, organizing, and refusing to quit when the cameras are gone.” ~ Thom Hartmann

Phil Vassar suffered a heart attack. And then a stroke. He is moving mountains because he nearly lost his dream. He’s not sitting at home fretting. He’s playing concerts. He’s writing new songs. He’s breathing new air into his almost-lost-dream.

Perhaps we will do the same.

read Kerri’s blogpost about WILD DREAMS

likesharesupportthankyou.

The Best Way [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

It’s a common misconception that in order to succeed in life it is necessary to climb over the bodies of the competition. Dog-eat-dog is among the saddest philosophies in the human canon. Not only is it a poverty mentality (there’s not enough for everyone), it’s a lie all dressed up in gold-veneer. It assumes achievement (of any kind) happens in a vacuum. No support. No privilege. No mentors. No relationship at all with circumstance. To be clear: “Every man for himself!” is a cry issued from the bridge when the ship is going down. It is the mantra of the mentally vapid and morally vacant, the desperate, the drowning. It is antithetical to thriving.

No one thrives in isolation.

The people I admire most are those who rose in life because they helped others rise. They invested in the betterment of their community because they understood that they lived in community. They understood that prosperity is something that is best created when it is created for all. My mentors understood that to suppress, undermine, exploit or demonize members of their community might bring momentary success but it inevitably fractured the foundation: all houses crumble. The best route to thriving is to make certain that the ship is solid and the course is beneficial for all on board. Taking care of others is the best way of taking care of yourself. Work hard. Be kind. Thrive.

As I write this, people across the nation are assembling for the No Kings protests. They know, as do I, that in order for a community – for a nation – to thrive it must protect the rights and values of all people, not only of its citizens. It’s a philosophy called democracy. Of the people, by the people, for the people. They are taking to the streets to push back against the authoritarian assault on our democracy by those who adhere to the dog-eat-dog philosophy otherwise known as fascism.

It’s been less than a year since the authoritarians took the reins of power and we’re already seeing the nation’s foundation crumble. When we suspend the rights of due process to immigrants, we suspend due process for all of us. When we suspend the rule of law for one man, we suspend the rule of law for all of us.

We are at the crossroads. It does my heart good to see millions and millions of people take to the streets as a peaceful community – in service to their community – to protest the outrages we now witness each day – and attempt to protect the rights of all people – all people – before they are lost, before this listing ship starts to sink, before the oligarchs, crooks and cowards on the bridge crow with delight, “Every man for himself!”

read Kerri’s blogpost about BE KIND

likesharesupportthankyou!

Share Your Pie [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

This one is from Roger. If you live in a world of limited pie than you’ll no doubt hoard or try to take someone else’s piece (it is also appropriate to insert the homophone, “peace”). If you live in a world of unlimited pie, a world of plenty of pie for everyone, then you’ll share your pie. You’ll share your peace/piece.

The only thing that’s different in those two pie-world-views is the belief in pie, and, as we know, belief is rarely a good reflection of reality but is an excellent creator of limitations.

There is no limit to the good vibes we can spread. Share your pie.

read Kerri’s blogpost about GOOD VIBES

likesharesupportthankyou

When It’s All Said And Done [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

I discarded another post this morning. Aghast at the latest lies and childish memes I wrote yet another political rant. It was harsh. It was too much. It led us into a lengthy conversation about how we might live and write in this toxic environment and yet not let the toxins poison us. How do we remain healthy while not denying the reality – the horrors – of our democracy’s collapse at the hands of those who swore to protect it?

In truth, I have not been happy with my recent posts. So many years ago I began writing for a specific audience – and myself – to make the distinction between unhealthy control and generative power. The shorthand is this: Control over/Power with.

Control is wielded over others while power is created with others. Control is self-absorbed. Power is other-focused. Control is the product of duality: us/them, black/white, winner/loser…It is oppositional. It can only lead to discord.

Power is created in a dynamic triad. It is relational. It is complementary and reciprocal. It always gives rise to harmony.

I realized in our conversation this morning that I had myself slipped into a duality. My writing has become oppositional. As our nation grows more violent and ugly by the day, my impulse has been to push back, to sound an alarm. I want to scream, “I am not that! WE are not that!”

Ronald Reagan famously said that “Government is the problem.” He was wrong. Government is neither a problem nor is it a solution (a duality). Government is a service (a triad). It is made of elected representatives in service to their constituents relative to serving the greater needs of the whole. It is dynamic. When functional and fair, it is complementary. Symbiotic.

Government becomes dysfunctional when it tries to run like a business and pretends it is subject to a bottom line (profit or loss). It is death for any service organization that forgets its reason-for-being and attempts to be something that it is not: government is not a business. It’s a no-brainer: privatization of government services places the emphasis on the bottom line – not on serving the people. For instance, privatize prisons and the bottom line of profitability will require the creation of more and more prisoners. Businesses need to grow. The same levers are true when applied to healthcare (as we are seeing) or education.

I believe most of the people of this nation are well intended. I believe the endgame of this administration is control so it must necessarily define everything as Us-and-Them. Demagogues need to demonize vulnerable communities and blame them for the ills of the nation. Demagogues need enemies-from-within since pitting us against each other is the route to ultimate control over…Demagogues need a Them.

People who are not steeped in blaming others for their pain are more likely to take responsibility for their destiny – which means they seek opportunity – which means that they are more apt the reach out to help and for help. Opportunity is a triad. Blame is a duality.

You might rightly ask me, “How on earth could a prompt featuring Sesame Street characters lead to a post so toxic that you had to toss it?” The answer is simple: in a control strategy like the one raging across our nation, in a forced duality designed to appear as angels and devils, good guys and bad guys, the bad guys will always get the focus. That’s the point of a control game: to see bad guys everywhere. To become reactive, suspicious, and angry. To reduce an otherwise complex, diverse thriving nation into a simplistic monotone. We are angels. They are devils. Happy and sad, grouchy and glad.

As someone once said to me, “It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

I drank the poison. I’m so glad that our conversation this morning opened my eyes and left me asking, “How do I not bury my head in the sand but deal with the reality and still remain healthy?”

Triads, baby. Focus on the dynamic relationships and set about creating some real power with others. When it’s all said and done isn’t that the point of a democracy?

read Kerri’s blogpost about SESAME STREET

likesharesupportthankyou

Meeting The Madness [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Act 2 of Stephen Sondheim’s musical, Into The Woods, delivers a healthy dose of reality: there is no happily ever after. There is, however, a full-life with bumps and barnacles and growth and messy challenges and change. There is heartbreak and jubilation. There is a full-palette of feelings. There are bright days and dark days. A life without obstacles is a very boring affair.

In my past, when facilitating groups, I used to love proving to people that they like challenges, that they adore obstacles. If we don’t have hills to climb we create them. They are called hobbies. Or workouts. Or volunteering. We set goals that seem impossible and then meet them. And, among the greatest challenges we eagerly embrace is called “relationship”.

I knew how to teach about the challenge called “relationship” because I was once under the spell of happily-ever-after. I thought something was wrong with me when all of the colors of the relationship rainbow demanded attention. What was wrong with me was my unrealistic expectation, my dedication to a life without obstacles.

It’s what I love about this life: things flip over when illusions are popped. Happily-ever-after is no way to live. Each day I step out of bed looking for the miracles and find that they are always right in front of my face – and often they initially look like stumbling blocks. I can say with confidence that the road ahead looks to be riddled with hurdles and though I may grouse and complain, secretly I recognize and welcome the full-spectrum of color these hindrances will evoke.

My friend, Robert just wrote that, “…sometimes life throws big surprises at you.” We are living in a time when life is throwing big surprises at us in rapid fire each and every day. It seems that we are in an impossible situation with a government spiraling into authoritarianism. The vast majority of the people of this nation have had enough of the clown show and are turning out to meet the challenge.

There is no happily ever after. There is no return to a fantasy past. There are, however, millions and millions of people who are up for meeting the challenge, with all its bumps and barnacles, ready – more than ready – for the growth that meeting the madness will evoke.

read Kerri’s blogpost about I TOLERATE

likesharesupportthankyou