So We Do [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

When I began blogging nearly fifteen years ago I believed that I would in a matter of days run out of things to say. I’ve now completely flipped in my belief: not only have I not yet run out of things to say, I now know that there’s not enough time in my life to write all that I want to write. My list of ideas is longer than my remaining days.

Kerri and I through our Melange have been writing together for six years and eight months. We’re having a hilarious experience that is becoming increasingly more and more frequent. When we are with friends and family and start to recount a story from our recent past, they will cut us off and say, “Yeah, I read about that in your blog.” It always takes us aback and makes us giggle.

We are an open book – perhaps too open! But we also edit. Our posts are rarely longer than 500 words. We write snapshots, not totalities. We know that people in our social-media-world won’t read what we write if it’s too long. Each day we ask, “Is this too much?” or, “How can I condense this?” Each day we ask, “Should I stop here?” We rarely tell the full tale. There’s always a next thought, a detail, a longing…There’s always so much more to say, much more that could be written.

It’s become a gift to me, a reminder that I can never know the whole story of any other person’s life. The important stuff as well as the little moments can never be fully expressed. Feelings and yearnings can’t be captured in words. Poetry is the art of attempting to express the impossible.

Lately, after we hear once again, “Yeah, I read about that in your blog,” when we are alone, Kerri asks me, “Are we too much?” It’s become something of a ritual.

Are we too much?

Rilke wrote, “Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart…” This is what I know: we love to write together so we do. And, we love to share what we love. So we do.

read Kerri’s blogpost about A BLANK PAGE

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The Most Loving Thing [David’s blog on Two Artists Tuesday]

We are still recovering from covid. The progress is slow but certain. We’re finally -after a month – able to walk pieces of our usual trails. Each day we gauge what we can realistically do, we stop often, we turn around or cut short our regular loop when our bodies signal it’s time to stop. “My legs are shaking,” I say as we return to the car. We are not frustrated by our weakness, rather, we are inordinately grateful to be outside, in nature, marveling at the November sky. Especially now. In nature we find sanity in a nation that has lost its mind.

Within our information bubble there is an energetic discussion about self-care. There is encouragement to disconnect from the doom-scrolling and, instead, firmly focus on what brings joy, what invokes love. There is a concurrent ubiquitous conversation about feeling unsafe in a nation that put a rapist in the white house, a convicted felon and avowed fascist who daily promises violence to those who oppose him. Fully half of the nation opposes him so feelings of insecurity are warranted.

The third conversation strand is quieter, a question filled with inordinate sadness. It is the question of whether or not to disconnect from people – family and friends – who knowingly voted for fascism, who support the coming violence. These relationships, personal and familial, no longer feel safe. It’s a matter of trust – of being able to trust someone who either lacks a moral center or who is so enraged that they see themselves mirrored in the despot-elect. It’s impossible to trust people so completely unplugged from reality and so willing to justify thuggery.

It is confusing to love but not to trust. It is bewildering to feel threatened by those you love. It’s a question of vulnerability. It’s a question of honesty, “Do I pretend…” It is made more untenable when taking-a-break or disconnecting is understood as not-loving.

I understand the choice – either way – to be self-loving. We must now protect ourselves.

Also, there is this: a loving parent will not let their child run into the busy street. It is a loving act to shout, “You cannot do this!” It is not without love that we look at our maga-voting family and friends and say, “I cannot pretend that this is election was like all others; I cannot pretend that we are merely having a difference of opinion. We are not. Your vote was for an amoral grotesque who openly promises violence as an authoritarian dictator. Our difference runs much deeper than mere opinion.”

The most loving thing we can do for ourselves is nurture and attend to relationships with those we trust. The most loving thing we can do for our friends and family now hurtling toward the dangerous fascist road is to shout, with voice or with silence, “You cannot do this.”

read Kerri’s blogpost about NOVEMBER SKY

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Nine [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

Just as no photo can adequately capture the scope and grandeur of Bryce Canyon, no words can adequately capture the story of these past years. Nine years ago today, 10.10.2015 at 11:11am, we stood before our community, we told the tale of Erle meeting Earl, we said, “I do”. We skipped out of the church just as we skipped out of the airport on the day we met.

10.10. at 11:11. Significant numbers. We are more numerologists than I realized.

I Googled the numerology of the number 9. A longer view. It represents completion – though not as finality – rather, the end of one chapter and the initiation of something new. It represents growth; a journey of learning. I read that 9 is a powerful, positive and significant number.

We are certainly on a journey of learning. Powerful and positive. And so, we celebrate the number nine. Completion and the initiation of something new. Appropriately, the portal to our initiation was the canyonlands, vast in scope and grandeur, impossible to capture.

read Kerri’s blogpost about BRYCE CANYON

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According To The Plan [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

Sometimes things do not go according to plan. Some of the best things that have ever happened to me happened because my plan fell apart.

Today I sat on the rim with the love of my life and stared into the impossible. I couldn’t be happier that my life did not go according to plan.

read Kerri’s blogpost about SHADOW

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The People We Share [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

The days prior to our wedding were like an ever-expanding progressive dinner. Each day more friends and family arrived. Each night we hosted a dinner gathering at our home. Since we met later in life, since this was a second marriage for both of us, we wanted our passage into marriage to be a potlatch, a gift-giving. And, our greatest gift to give to our family and friends was – our family and friends – the people we love; we wanted our circles of special people to meet and come to know each other. These extraordinary people… to this day…our greatest gift.

Nine years ago today, the first wave of friends and family arrived. Our dear Linda, recognizing the insanity of planning a week of meals prior to a wedding, hosted the first dinner. In addition to a gift-giving, our wedding became a barn-raising. So many people, just like Linda, jumped in to help us. Sally and Joan strategized and then organized a crew to make our beachhouse reception beautiful. Susan assembled a team to decorate the hundreds of cupcakes she baked in our little kitchen. She flew the frosting halfway across the country with a note of explanation to the TSA. John and Michele made the run for coffee. Josh picked up the wine. In perfect midwest fashion, abundant food arrived. My sister and niece took charge and marshaled the incoming abundance. Judy brought her harp. Jim brought his guitar.

A barn-raising. A gift-giving. Each year, we have the great good fortune to remember, to tell to each other the story. To sit in awe and gratitude.

The day he arrived, my brother, Ken pulled me aside and said of Kerri, “You got yourself a good one.” Yes. I did. The same sentiment might be said of my entire life. The proof is in the remarkable people surrounding me, surrounding us, the people we love to share, the people who are our greatest gifts.

read Kerri’s blogpost about OUR WEDDING WEEK

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A Different Criteria [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.” ~ John Muir

I once read that the word “wild” was only necessary to a people who’ve deluded themselves into thinking that they are somehow separate from or above nature, that wild is something that desperately needs to be tamed.

In a culture where many are predisposed to believe that one’s personal nature is fundamentally corrupt (sin-full) and, therefore, requires serious controlling, all of nature is destined to suffer the same fate. Rivers are dammed. Forests eradicated. Waterways and air polluted. It is inevitable. All of nature is reduced to the word “resource”. It is the ultimate expression of taming. A resource to be used and then discarded.

Human resources. We are not excluded from the reduction since we are the source and executors of the degradation. Is it no wonder that so many are so certain that their lives have little or no purpose, value, or meaning. Used and discarded. The magic and mystery of this enormous universe rendered inaccessible. Subdued. Tamed.

It’s never made sense to me.

There are other systems of belief on this earth that are not built upon separation-from-nature but upon relationship-with-nature. Wild and tame are not oppositional but part of the same whole.

In workshops – teaching what I most needed to learn – I used to tell people that “Nothing is broken and nothing needs to be fixed.” Start with a loving premise. And see what happens. It fosters a different view of the world. It fosters a foundational shift in the understanding of “self”.

Starting with appreciation-of-self leads naturally to appreciation-of-others. Inclusive.

People incessantly trying to fix themselves grow blind to others. It’s the path of self-absorption. Exclusive.

People who fundamentally love their nature…begin with love. In love, they are naturally connected to all of nature, through their nature. Interdependent. Unified. There is nothing to fix. There are expansive experiences. Rather than tame, there is caring for the health of the whole. From a grounding in love, there is an entirely different set of criteria for making choices.

In love, it is easy to see: what we do to nature, we do to ourselves. What we do to others, we do to ourselves.

read Kerri’s blogpost about NATURE

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A Silhouette [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

A confluence of impressions.

Susan just sent a song by James Maddock. Beautiful Now. “You were beautiful then. But you’re way more beautiful now.”

And, at the very moment her text came in, this quote rolled across my screen: “The world does not give us very much now; it often seems to consist of nothing but noise and fear, and yet grass and trees still grow.” ~ Hermann Hesse

I looked at the quote as I listened to the song.

Sometimes it is simply a matter of scale. The current noise and fear seems so immense and yet the river keeps rolling. What seemed immense 20 years ago? 200? We hold hands and look into the night sky. “We’re not all that,” she said.

After her brother passed, Kerri asked, “How can the world go on if he can’t perceive it?” The world will go on after we can no longer perceive it. All of our current noise and fear will wash away with us. Yet the grass and trees will continue to grow. The more we understand our actual size in the vast universe, the more beautiful we become. We’re not all that.

It was a brilliant day. Hot. The water sparkled. The rocks of the jetty were made a silhouette by the glistening. I was suddenly filled to the brim by a brilliant poem that Horatio recently sent. The River Flows Into The Sea. “I could feel the truth of it in my hands,” he wrote. The mystery. I watched Kerri snap her photo and was completely overwhelmed by her shimmering. Sometimes what I feel is too large for the universe to contain. I am made a silhouette. This amazing life! Here for a moment, all that.

Embraced Now, 48″x36″ mixed media on canvas

read Kerri’s blogpost about GLISTENING

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Strive To Be One [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” ~ James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time.

Sometimes I pause and reread the previous few weeks of my blogposts. My first thought after my latest read was, “Good God! I’m bipolar!” I’ve learned not to listen to my first thoughts. They are not nearly as considered or considerate as the thoughts that follow. I am lately writing about love.

Love. This is the rest of James Baldwin’s quote: “I use the word “love” here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace – not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.”

Love takes off the masks. The masks we fear we cannot live without. The masks we can no longer live within. It is a tug-of-war. It is vulnerable to be seen. Yet, to grow, old identities, like suits of armor, must be discarded. To grow up it is necessary to show up, to step-out-there.

Jonathan once told us that a tree must split its bark in order to grow. Snakes shed their skin. And people open their hearts and learn what it is to love.

“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.” ~ James Baldwin

I found some measure of comfort about my nation (and my latest writing) in James Baldwin’s guiding words. Perhaps we are in a struggle to remove an old and ugly mask, still in place. Racial division. Misogyny. We fear what we will see if we drop this patriarchal mask. Yet, our love of country is requiring us to grow. To take a hard look at who we are and where we’ve come from. To shed the mask we can no longer live within. We are bigger in heart and spirit than our original colonial notion. The mask of divide-and-conquer is suffocating to the world’s greatest democracy, a nation of immigrants come together under the banner e pluribus unum, out of many, one.

Love makes us dare to grow up. Love makes us strive to be one.

read Kerri’s blogpost about HEARTS

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Shadow Singular [David’s blog on KS Friday]

She began taking pictures of our feet when, early in our lives together, we traveled to The Netherlands, Belgium and France. The point was not to capture our feet, rather it was to record the variety of surfaces we walked upon. Cobblestones and ancient wood. Mosaic tile. The unusual and the seeming ordinary, though, when traveling, no surface is ordinary. For awhile we entertained assembling a collage of the many many surfaces were we found our feet standing. A quirky memory wall.

Adding to her series of traveling feet she began capturing our shadows. It’s now common for her to say, “Wait!” I know exactly what to do. No questions required. My job is to hold still until she snaps the latest edition to her shadow collection. I love them. To me, they are our version of the Balinese shadow puppets. Wayan Kulit. At best we are aware of the shadows we cast, the projections of our minds. Our lives a moving grand illusion.

Like the feet series, the shadow collection serves as markers of our life together. Trails we’ve hiked. Bridges we’ve crossed. Friends who entertain without question our odd request for a shadow portrait.

I just read a story about a man who tried to outrun his shadow. He was, as you might imagine, unsuccessful. It was a particularly poignant story for me since I spent many of my younger years trying to escape my shadow. I was, like the man in the story, unsuccessful. Though, unlike the man in the story, I stopped running. Some small grace whispered in my ear to stand still, to turn and look at it. To really look. To walk with it.

Isn’t it poetic that after all that time running, I now hold hands with a woman who regularly stops me on the trail, not only to look but to capture our shadow – singular – as it stretches out before us, leaning in, two people blending together as one?

Good Moments on the album This Part of the Journey © 1998/2000 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about SHADOWS

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Infinity Squeeze [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

When Dogga comes back into the house he always gets a “thanks for not running away” treat. It’s a serious sentiment. In this life he was strapped with herding two artists. We have not been the easiest to contain. Each day we are glad that he chooses love over the easier path.

Twenty four hours before we were to hit the road and travel to their house for a short visit, we wrote Kate and Jerry that we were so excited that “we were already sitting in the car waiting for morning.” It was only a small exaggeration. We were THAT excited. Kate suggested that we go back in the house because we were making the neighbors nervous. I assured her that we always make the neighbors nervous. “I would not have expected less of you…” she wrote. Banter is one of my favorite love languages.

I yelled at Braden. He was three years old and started running toward the busy street. When I yelled at him he stopped in his tracks and burst into tears. There was authority in my voice – more than I knew I possessed. Love sometimes sounds like an alarm. It booms.

We drive into the city late at night to find the club where Craig is performing. It is waaaay past our bedtime but we are giddy each time we go. We are the oldest people in the club and everyone affectionately makes fun of how we dance. Old bones do not move like young bones. The first time we saw him perform he gave us earplugs. “You’re gonna need these,” he said, smiling. Sometimes love looks like earplugs, funny dancing-delight and a foray into the unknown.

One of the greatest gifts Kerri has given me (and me to her) is the understanding of how to fight. I did not know how to do that before we met. Dogga hears the coming storm and slinks into the bathroom to get out of the way. Great love sometimes requires a mighty tempest. A heart-cleansing rain. Sometimes choosing love sounds like thunder.

It’s why we give Dogga a treat every-single-time he comes back in the house.

Our love-of-life is a full color palette, banter-filled, adventurous and many-textured. Life lessons: sometimes love is very loud. It rarely looks like a Hallmark card. Always it is a choice to support, to help, to nurture, to guide, to recognize, to acknowledge and appreciate this very complex infinity squeezed into a tiny four letter word. It’s worth the choice every single time.

[“Choose Love” flag is from Penzeys Spices, one of our favorite shops and Bill Penzey, a favorite positive voice trying to make the world a better place]

read Kerri’s blogpost about CHOOSE LOVE

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