What Were You Thinking? [David’s blog on KS Friday]

The flakes hitting our faces felt like needles. We’d ventured out to get some photos of the lake-in-the-snow-storm. After snapping a few photos the sideways wind drove us back home. Stepping into the warmth of the house, we agreed, “That was enough!”

A few weeks ago we completely re-visioned the upstairs of our home. We repainted a bedroom. We carried sack-after-sack of discards out of the office and into the trash. We installed a repurposed bookshelf at the top of the stairs. I was amused when Kerri went to my basement archives to pull a new painting to sit atop the bookshelf. She returned with a canvas that I was preparing, an under-painting of broad grey strokes and splashes – not a finished painting. “I love it!” she exclaimed, placing the canvas atop the shelf. “Don’t you love it?”

“But, it’s not a painting yet,” I replied.

“Yes it is!” she chirped, proud of her new acquisition.

“I would have done better in my life as a painter had I not taken myself so seriously,” I said, shaking my head. “I would have saved myself some serious struggle had I learned sooner to stop at the under-painting.” She agreed to add a stroke of white to the…composition…so it would be a piece by both of us, though, to date, the…painting…remains mine-all-mine.

This morning it occurred to me that “the painting” bears an uncanny resemblance to the view of the wet snow raging just outside our sunroom window. The tones are similar. Tip the window on its side and it would be a sister piece to the canvas sitting on top of the shelf. Maybe I should title “the painting” Buh-Buh-Blizzard. Or Opus 25 In Winter Window Tones. Or, perhaps, Kerri’s Choice.

Or maybe I’ll leave it unnamed, a mystery piece for future guests to ponder. They will politely ask (as they always do), “What were you thinking when you painted the piece at the top of the stairs?”

I’ll look at Kerri and smile, saying, “Maybe you should answer this one.”

WATERSHED on the album AS IT IS © 2004 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE STORM

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Return To Zero [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

In college, I learned from our technical director, Steve, to thoroughly clean the shop at the end of each day. Every tool was put back in its place. The floor was swept of sawdust. Brushes washed and paint cans sealed and re-shelved. The shop was returned to zero so we might start afresh the next day. We learned that taking care of our space was an act of taking care of our art. Self care. I carried that lesson forward in my life, in the theatre companies I had the privilege of guiding.

I learned that it feels good to take care of your space. I also learned that it fosters something vital and often elusive for artists: ownership and a sense of responsibility for their artistry. It’s grounding. I’ve had the unhappy experience of witnessing artists (and business leaders) who have a bevy of assistants follow them with brooms, like the guys with buckets and shovels following the horses in a parade. Cleaning your own space prevents the unhappy ego-ascension onto a personal pedestal; a guaranteed artistry killer. A guaranteed community killer.

I’ve also had the unhappy experience of witnessing artists in full fear of their artistry. Making a hot mess and cleaning it up is a great cure for even the most dedicated perfectionist. Instead of art, intend to make a mess. Then clean it up. Repeat. You’d be amazed at the impossibly beautiful work that emerges when the impossible expectation is put in its proper place.

The abrupt and abundant snow earlier this week brought an end to the plants on our deck and potting bench. We spent a good part of the weekend cleaning out and storing the clay pots, raking the leaves, clipping the peonies and containing the tall grasses. Readying the yard for the return of spring. While clipping the plumes I was for a moment thrust back into the shop in college. Steve walked by, the keys on his belt jangling. Time to clean up and close up for the night. I smiled. I doubt that he understood how important his simple requirement of keeping the space clean would become for me, a north star for those moments when I was attempting to climb on my pedestal or was afraid of my gift.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE BENCH

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A Popcorn Trail [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

The torrents of rain and tropical wind gusts paused momentarily to regroup, so we went out. She couldn’t wait to set foot on the dock. She needed – needed – to walk to the small pavilion at the far end. A shelter with benches and remembrance. Her memories called.

Many years ago I had a week all alone in my childhood home. I was writing my book and the empty house seemed like a perfect quiet retreat. Between writing sessions I walked. I literally felt pulled to revisit the places and pathways of my youth. I stood at the edge of the present and listened for the echoes of my past. It’s what she was doing as we slow-walked toward the pavilion: attuning to the resonance of her life.

Standing beneath the shelter, already drenched from the rain, the wind winding up for the next hard gust, she said, “I wrote a song here…” The story spilled from her in fragments and she reassembled the pieces. A small section of the puzzle came together.

The birthplace of a song. The birthplace of an artist. A tiny pavilion at the end of a dock. The place where a young woman composed music in her mind and left behind a bit of the song, a popcorn trail for an older woman to follow so that she might someday find her way home.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE PAVILION

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A Time Of Water [David’s blog on KS Friday]

And just before the autumn equinox, the last day lily had her brilliant orange moment in the sun and then closed up shop for the winter. It was poignant. We watched her drink in the sun and then fold.

The nights grow longer than the day. The plumes on the grasses are radiant when they catch the evening light. The leaves on the pepper plant have yellowed. The sweet potato vine, once a vibrant uniform lime green, now displays a pattern of color, red-brown and crimson.

We’re emerging from a few weeks of sickness, a bad cold moved in and took much of the wind from our sails. Our limited energy allowed for a few shaky-leg slow walks by the lake. Slow walking allows for better seeing. I marvel at how unimportant most things become – how my perspective simplifies and clarifies when I have limited energy; when my body demands my attention. We sat in our adirondack chairs facing the sun. I felt like the day lily, drinking it in. The sun is good medicine.

Better seeing. Clarity.

I did not know that the word “winter” comes from an old Germanic word and means “time of water.” The snow, the ice, the freezing rain. We pull inside. We retreat to the root to recuperate and gather energy for renewal.

Each week Kerri chooses one of her compositions for our Friday posts. This week, in trying to decide between two pieces, she chose both: one piece from her first album, entitled In Transition, and one from her most recent album – her 15th – entitled Transience. I was moved when listening to the pieces side-by-side: the same theme separated by a decade and a half of life. Transitory life, cycles of production and retreat, generation and rest, exploring and recognizing.

Transitory life looks differently when you are older than it does when you are young.

We are having an extended conversation with our son about artistry. He is an EDM artist and is taking full possession of his gifts. It’s thrilling to watch him move from becoming to being. He is fully inhabiting a time of fire. He is running fast. Chasing.

We – Kerri and I – are fully in a time of water, from being to becoming. We are slow walking. Gathering energy. No longer trying to arrive in a life that is constantly moving. We are the dream we chase. Appreciating the transitory. Savoring our moment, this one glorious never-to-have-again day. We are like the last day lily drinking in the sun and storing that warm heart energy for the coming of spring.

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE DAY LILY

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An Experience [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

“In the modern era, one of the most active metaphors for the spiritual project is “art.” ~ Susan Sontag (via The Marginalian)

It was within a meditation on silence that Susan Sontag wrote this thought. With planes and trains and automobiles, with cell phones and 24 hour news cycles, with weed whackers and garbage trucks and sirens, with podcasts to plug into and streaming on demand…opportunities for silence are rare, indeed.

All of my life I have retreated to my studio to “get quiet.” I’ve learned – and it seems to me a no-brainer -that there is a direct connection between silence-of-the-mind and presence. And, the experience of ‘something-bigger-than-me” can only happen in the present moment. It’s a direct experience, not an abstraction.

Marion Milner – under the pen name of Joanna Field – wrote that happiness cannot be found in the narrow focus of purpose because it lives “out there”, it promises fulfillment somewhere in a distant imagined future. It’s only in the broad focus of the senses that happiness can be found because it is immediate. Happiness is only possible/available/accessible in-the-here-and-now. It’s an experience, not an abstraction.

Art brings us into the present moment. Art has the power to break through isolating mental abstractions into the shared space of experience.

Joseph Campbell wrote that our endeavor in meaning-making is the opposite of our distant ancestors. For them, meaning was made (or found) through the group. We are tasked with finding it within ourselves.

“It” is never found in insistent preachers or rule-books or exhibitions of righteousness. These are the noisy aspects of the narrow focus erected on a platform of “should”.

If “it” is to be found, if “it” is to be experienced, inner silence is the threshold.

Take a walk in nature. Become captive to the color of the leaves. Entice the quiet found in the studio. These are the secrets of the composer whose music lifts your spirit, the poet who stirs your humanity, the dancer who challenges your idea of what’s possible…all bringing you into the dazzling present moment. It’s a place the artist knows well, an experience beyond words.

read Kerri’s blogpost about RED LEAVES

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Above All Else [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“Life is strange. You arrive with nothing, spend your whole life chasing everything, and still leave with nothing. Make sure your soul gains more than your hands.” ~ unknown

As a young artist Roger often asked, “What is sufficient?” If you solely choose an artist’s path – or an artist’s path chooses you – the odds of realizing a modicum of financial prosperity are slim. An artist in the USA necessarily makes peace with chasing a different kind of wealth. Soul wealth. Yet, the question of sufficiency is important to ask since it is the thin ice that many artists – especially as they age – disappear beneath. It is impossible to live on the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs indefinitely. Perpetually struggling for food, heat, and shelter will inevitably drown the muse.

What is sufficient to keep the muse happy and fed?

Kerri came home and told me of a conversation she had with Steve. Most people – including us – want nothing more than to live a simple life. We do not need to own yachts or mansions. With the disappearance of the middle-class, the stagnation of wages, the wealth of the nation running to the top 1%…more and more people in these un-United States are sliding to the bottom of the Hierarchy of Needs. It’s one reason why there is so much anger out there. Safety is further and further out of reach for more and more people. Sufficiency is nowhere to be found.

We watched a conversation between two people who make their living on social media. Their discussion revolved around the cancer that social media has become. They explained that the algorithms sort to the extremes. The middle ground is nowhere to be found in social media conversations. Extremist views are elevated while moderate voices are minimized. In their conversation, they asked their substantial viewership to turn off their screens and go outside and sit with real people. Real connection is only possible when sitting face to face with real people – and that’s the only place where we might reclaim our common ground, our communal sufficiency, our safety – especially with those whose opinions differ from our own. Middle ground is a shared space.

Craig enticed me into a long text conversation about artistry. It made me reflect on what I believe and how many great mentors and teachers I have enjoyed. In my life I have been rich in life-guides. I still am. I told him that all of the great artists I have known – or who have been inspirations for me – have wrestled with their demons and, therefore, were fearless at asking hard questions of themselves and of others. Their hard questions, in the form of lyrics or images or dances or compositions or characters that they played…ultimately transformed their demons into teachers. They walked toward their fears and made them into something beautiful.

I lost three of my guide stars in the past few years. They created lives of sufficiency. They thrived beyond any measure that money could bring. Simple lives marked by a real connection with real people. Lives lived in conscious – and joyful – support of other people. Three rich souls who gained in their lives more than a mansion or piles of money that they would have never been able to spend. They brought people together.

The single thing that I remember about these three artists – above all else – above all that they taught me – is their abundant laughter. Isn’t that the sign of a good life well-lived? A life to emulate?

read Kerri’s blogpost about SOUL GAIN

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Wandered [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

“Help me if you can I’ve got to get back the house at Pooh corner by one.” ~ Loggins & Messina, House at Pooh Corner

It is the height of irony that under the banner of going back to some fantasy greatness we hurtle forward into a fascist future. Those in my info-bubble, woke progressives, yearn for a time when adults were at the wheel of the nation.

Escapism is one of our coping mechanism. A favorite escape is The Chicago Botanic Garden. We’d live there if they let us. Passing through the gates we leave the chaos and corruption behind and enter a world of peaceful calm. It inspires slow walking. It is a playground for the senses: rich colors and interesting shapes. Many of the flowers beckon the nose to savor a deep fragrant inhale. It is nearly impossible to pass the vibrant plants without reaching out to touch them.

It never fails that I round a corner and am met by an image that is straight out of a children’s book. In those moments I am immediately stepping through the wardrobe into Narnia or jumping down the rabbit hole with Alice. The rabbit with the pocket watch must surely have passed this way! If I were a writer of children’s books I’d wander the garden each day for inspiration.

In our last visit to the garden a few weeks ago, wandering through the Japanese garden, I was taken by “the inaccessible Horaijima,” the Island of Everlasting Happiness. It symbolizes paradise. It is purposefully inaccessible, an island of beauty that humans beings cannot reach. Its purpose is for meditation. In the garden of our lives we are meant to focus our minds and hearts on a place of beauty. We are meant to reach for beauty, strive for serene beauty. Place our minds there.

I was overwhelmed. How far has our poor sad nation wandered from its focus on anything serene or beautiful? We currently focus on the opposite, our minds steeped in images from the Island of Devastating Ugliness.

Standing at the water’s edge, Horaijima seemed so close yet so far away.

The children’s book: The adults are inundated with darkness and spiraling down the well of hatred. The Island of Everlasting Happiness is shrouded from view. In desperation, the young girl or boy – or both – set out on a journey to lift the fog, to bring the Island back into view, to return beauty to their elders. Their path is fraught with ogres and trolls determined to stop them. Will they make it in time?

“But I’ve wandered much further today than I should
And I can’t seem to find my way back to the wood.”

Eve, 48″x48″ acrylic on panel

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE GARDEN

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The Real Promise [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

“Too many of us still believe our differences define us.” ~ John Lewis

I confess, it has been a life-long fascination. Seriously, since I was a little kid, I’ve been amused, confused, and periodically gobsmacked by the swirling contradiction of identity-messaging in these un-United States.

Because we are the single most individualistic culture on the planet, we place high importance on being unique. We are encouraged to stand out. And yet, the first lesson I learned in school was how to stand quietly in line. We buy clothes that are meant to express our own distinct style while hyper-market-pressured to fit our image to the latest trend.

I spent years and years working with people who spent thousands of dollars outfitting home art studios so that they might express their own unique artistry…and then froze in their newly built temple, so fearful of what others might think of their creation. How many times have I heard someone, dressed smartly in their latest Ralph Lauren, tell me that they were looking for their voice?

It’s untenable. It’s no wonder we are perpetually self-discombobulated. The dreadful shadow of our national commitment to bewilderment is the game drawn along the color line that we’ve played since our nation’s inception: If they gain, we lose. If we gain, they lose.

We-the-people wrestle by placing the accent on the hard line of our differences. We wrestle with reaching across the hard line of difference to find our common ground: most recently our reaching has been known as DEI. Diversity. Equity. Inclusion. We strive to be one in our campaign to be individual.

If there is one universal truth I learned in my life as an artist, in my work with people struggling to find their novelty and power, it is this: unique voice is found in service to others. Unique expression is available when the self-serving ego gets out of the way. It’s a paradox.

Personal voice is meaningless unless it helps other people. To guide. To question. To recognize. To join. Actors perform to unite us in a shared story. Poets write to open us to universal truths. Musicians play to bring us together in a common experience. The real power, the promise available in these United States is no different than the promise bubbling inside each individual. Rare and special voice is found in service to the common good.

Artistry and governance share this trait: grace and power is always found in uniting and is invariably lost in dividing. We may someday realize the great promise in these United States if/when we at long last lay down the tired game of manufactured division and find our true, unique and powerful voice by uplifting all unique, diverse, and beautiful voices, a chorus in service to a common center called democracy.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE BLACK SHEEP

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Popcorn Trail [David’s blog on KS Friday]

Late at night, standing on the platform awaiting the train to take us home, the moon and clouds gave us a spectacular show. I knew that the moon was a waxing gibbous and realized that, although I’d known and used the word since I was young, I had no idea what the word “gibbous” actually meant. It sounds like something related to gibbons, small apes that swing through trees. Is the moon gibbous because it swings through the sky? No! The moon is gibbous because it is greater than a semi-circle yet less than a circle. Gibbous describes the shape! Bulbous. Convex. Protruding.

Yesterday I unrolled many small canvases and pinned them to the wall in my studio. They are like a small flame I’ve kept for alive for over 35 years. They refer back to a large odd shaped canvas I stapled to the deck of my apartment on a sunny day, overlooking Hollywood. I had a very limited paint supply, a few cans of paint used for animation (computer animation was not yet possible so artists painted images on cells with acrylic paints), grey, blue, and white. I had a small jar of cadmium red. I taped a few housepainting brushes to long sticks and made myself a promise to “have fun and not think too much.” And I did. I had fun. I didn’t think too much. I played. In those few short hours, I painted the single piece that would influence my work for the rest of my life. I knew it was special. It was pure. It sold before I could adequately document it (remember the age before the ease of digital cameras?). It sold before I had the opportunity to install it in a gallery and show it.

I call the many small canvases my “narrative paintings”. They are a popcorn trail that I dropped as I wandered into the forest of my artistry. Some of the pieces are studied and lifeless. Some are playful and shallow. Some are raw and heart-full. I tacked them all to the wall to guide me back to the original impulse, that moment of artistic purity.

I am gibbous though, at this age, I am no longer waxing. I am greater than a semi-circle but have not yet completed my full life circle. In my time on earth I have been what Kerri calls a “strider”, someone trying-too-hard to climb the ladder of success. I have pursued my artistry like it was a wild animal, setting traps to capture what I could not easily understand. I have finally learned, or have lived long enough to realize, that I am and have always been what I chase. No traps necessary.

I follow the popcorn trail back to what I experienced that day in Los Angeles: the simple joy of being alive. A conscious moment enthusiastically expressed through a little grey, blue and white paint, punctuated with some surprise cadmium red.

IN THE NIGHT on the album THIS PART OF THE JOURNEY © 1998 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE MOON AND CLOUDS

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Sanctuary Creation [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.” ~ Anne Frank

We began thinking of our backyard as a sanctuary during the early days of COVID. Since at the time sheltering in place was a necessity, why not create a space that evoked calm and inspired peace-of-mind? We planted tall grasses along the fence, hung happy lights and prayer flags, we made special seating areas and placed a table on the deck where we ate our meals, painted rocks and listened to records on a suitcase record player. We were gifted with a beautiful chime. We hung bird feeders and installed a bird bath.

Our sanctuary filled us with light and sustained us through a very dark chapter.

Now, finding ourselves once again in a very dark time – and getting darker by the day – we’ve returned to the original impulse. We are consciously reinvigorating our backyard sanctuary. We are amazed each day as the sweet potato plants spill out of their pots. Tending the herb garden grounds us and we delight that it thrives. The jalapeño harvest is eye-popping. We cook each night with basil or rosemary or cilantro or parsley that we clip from our garden. The tomato plant is almost as tall as I am.

For us, sanctuary-creation is more a process of finding than a design-and-installation game. We evolve as we go. We are not flush with resources – and, thankfully, our aesthetic leans to raw wood and peeling paint – so we wander through antique stores or restore discards that, to us, look like treasure. Half the fun is in the finding. It fills our sanctuary with serendipity stories.

We stopped at our favorite antique shop to pick up a piece of old ladder. The moment we stepped out of the truck, a small garden table called out to us. It was tucked into an unlikely spot, a few yards from the chicken coop. Kerri, always the master bargainer, asked the shopkeeper, “What’ll you take for it?” We bought it for half-price and loaded the little table into the truck with the piece of old ladder.

Both are now fixtures in our haven, our safe space. The ladder is adorned with a purple sweet potato plant that is already exploding out of its pot and draping toward the lower rungs. The little table is nestled on the end of deck and looks like it was made for that particular spot. It is home – and also provides a home to a licorice plant.

“I love it,” she said. Me, too.

Our sanctuary once again inspires quiet. It is like a magnet that pulls our minds and hearts out of the darkness. We sit in our safe haven, breathe deeply, filling ourselves with goodness that is as big as the sky itself, alive with growing things, grasses that wave in the breezes, an aspen tree that joy-quakes, cardinals that sing to us, and is now home to a little table that called our name.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE TABLE

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