The Direction of Intention

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am, I am the luckiest

~ Ben Folds, The Luckiest

Late at night. We talked of going back in time. Way back. Way back to the day before a single event changed the trajectory of our lives. “Who was I on the day before?” she asked. “Who would I be now?” After a moment she added, “I want to remember what that felt like; what she felt like.”

This past decade has been the single hardest period of my life. It has also been the best. I now understand that, previous to this era, I was a dedicated runner-from-life. In grinding me to a fine powder, this magnificent universe has brought me to a standstill. Standing still.

I slow-walked through a grove of trees. I set down my backpack when I had one-of-those-moments: I wanted to be nowhere else, doing nothing else. I have those a lot lately.

I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns
The stumbles and falls brought me here

Who was I on the day before?

I wish I could reach back through time and tell him not to worry so much. I wish I could tell him what it feels like to be here, that all his running and lostness would eventually take him to stillness. Standing still even in the midst of chaos. A lover of simple things. I wish I could tell him that, even if he cannot yet see it, he is – and always has been – the luckiest.

read Kerri’s blogpost about HEART

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