In Friendship [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

“Where self-interest is the bond, the friendship is dissolved when calamity comes. Where Tao is the bond, friendship is made perfect by calamity.” ~ Thomas Merton, The Way of Chuang Tzu

The basket of grasses has moved several times since I first set foot in this house, now my home. Our home. Kerri has a designer’s eye and the basket of grasses migrate according to her latest conception. Of late, they traveled to our bedroom and rest between the gingham chair and her jewelry box.

I know what you are thinking. As a dedicated wearer of black, a lover of earth tones, it is surprising that she has a gingham chair. Do not be fooled by her limited clothing color palette, she is eclectic. I am particularly fond of this unexpected chair since it was where she was sitting when we had our first phone call so many years ago. It all began in a the gingham chair.

I am not unusual in that the great changes of my life have been punctuated by the culling of friends. The forces of change topple the rootless relationships. Yet, while many drop away, a precious few transcend the moment. Not only do they endure, sinking deeper roots, but they grow in strength and fondness.

It is an understatement to suggest that, for us, these past few years have been rife with calamity. It is also not an understatement to say that we are emerging from the hot fire with a band of fast friends. Forged and polished. Beautiful.

Over time I’ve learned to read the movement of the basket of grasses. They are my personal Farmer’s Almanac, my home-decor-tarot. Kerri moves them after a life-storm has passed. She rearranges to re-ground. With every movement of the basket of grasses, I know we’ve come through the latest chaos. And, I know without doubt who stands with us, who we stand with, who will be with us no matter the circumstance or calamity.

In friendship, in our friends, we are the wealthiest people alive.

Helping Hands,
53.5″ x 15.25″

read Kerri’s blogpost about GRASSES

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Make A Documentary [on Flawed Wednesday]

Skip suggested that I make a documentary film about our neighborhood. With the recent car explosion across the street, the Jacob Blake protests (martial law, riots, et.al), the mockery-of-a-trial of Kyle Rittenhouse, the retrial of the anti-freeze murder, and the most recent excitement: a water line repair crew accidentally cut the gas line to the house next door to the car-explosion-house. All of this and a pandemic, too!

I quipped that my documentary would be titled “Calamity Vortex.” Petticoat Junction. Green Acres. Black gold, Texas tea…

Perhaps it’s not a documentary but a sitcom that I should create! Including us, there are plenty of good characters in the neighborhood to exaggerate. I’d go with a reality t.v. program but I fear sitting around waiting for the next disaster might not make scintillating television. Although, doesn’t it seem that is what we are doing in the age of climate change. Kentucky is underwater. The west is on fire, setting new records established just last year. Britain and parts of India are baking. And what about those hurricanes and tornadoes? How many once-in-1000-year-events does it take before we acknowledge the new norm?

Where does one draw the defining line of “my neighborhood”?

When the gas line was cut and explosion seemed imminent, I was delighted that several firetrucks pulled up in a matter of minutes. They kept us safe. While sitting far enough away to clear the gas-headache, I marveled that we are very good at responding to disaster but not so great at preventing it. Some things are accidental, of course, but global warming is not. It is – or was – preventable.

Perhaps my documentary film – or tv series – or reality tv program – would attract more viewers if the conceit was a neighborhood of people causing their own problems and then, while racing to clean up the mess, they ask “How could this happen?”

It would be a comedy, of course.

read Kerri’s blogpost about FIRETRUCKS

Sit On The Curb [on DR Thursday]

As much as our wily-ole brains would like us to believe otherwise, we can be nowhere else but in the present. Everything else is imagination.

Years ago I belonged to a support group of independent consultants. We met once a month to discuss our business challenges, insights, and to give and receive some advice. One of the members of the group was a Byron Cady coach. I have no memory of the discussion that prompted her to offer this Byron-thought-metaphor: “If your house burns down, rather than race around in panic, the best thing you can do is sit on the curb and appreciate the moment.”

To the consumer-mind, wisdom often sounds like bad advice. That you are alive, that you have this moment, means that no real possession was lost. The question is, in the face of calamity, what will you make of the moment?

Brother Joseph told the story of holding a woman wearing expensive furs, each finger was diamond encrusted, as she died on the street. He was, in the moment, overwhelmed by the worthlessness of her stuff. The illusion of value once life has gone.

Life. This moment. Calamity is certain to come. Sit on the curb and see what is there, beyond what you think is there.

We’ve had our share of adversity these past few years. I would like to report that we laughed heartily in the face of lost jobs and broken wrists and pandemic madness and civil unrest. We did not. We shook our fists at the sky. We made up words and ran loops like Chicken Little. We invested in all manner of fear-of-the-future and ran from monsters-of-the-past. None of our racing around or fist-shaking brought comfort or change.

But, the moments that we took a breath, walked a trail or sat on the back deck and listened to the cardinals and crows, sipped hot coffee on cold mornings, held hands – sat on the curb and appreciated the undeniable truth of our moment: we have everything. We have this moment – the only moment of life that we’ll ever inhabit. We have each other. The rest, the fear of future, demons of the past, are pure imagination. In those moments, wrapped in a circumstance of calamity, we laughed at the beauty of it all.

read Kerri’s blog post about LAUGH IN THE FACE OF CALAMITY