Stay Out Of It [David’s blog on Merely A Thought Monday]

Guitar Jim told me that he didn’t trust a world where inspirational phrases and hope-filled reminders were posted everywhere. He had several reasons. The signage works as an excuse not to do what’s written on the sign, as if posting, PEACE or BE KIND or some wisdom from Rumi was enough. Do as I say, not as I do. One does not need to live the message; one only needs to post the message on the wall.

Or, he suggested, the sign works as a kind of pedantic-passive-aggressive message. Pedantic (noun): someone who annoys others by correcting small errors, emphasizing their own expertise. “I’m the epitome of kind so you should be, too.”

He went on, asking, “Why must we constantly remind ourselves to be kind? Why must we constantly trumpet and tell ourselves to, “Seize the day!'” What’s wrong with hugging the day, or perhaps simply living the day as it comes?

I laughed heartily at his rant. I’m guilty of being a self-generating sign maker. On the wall beside my desk is an old-school bulletin board that is filled with post-it-note messages to myself, many are phrases I’ve captured from wise friends: “Offer calm to those who are agitated.” Or, “I feel better when I’m not complaining.” Behind my desk is my favorite message-to-myself. I bought it when I waded into the land of software start-ups. It reads, “What the f**k?” It served (and serves) to remind me not to take anything too seriously. Many-a-day it comes in handy.

Although they are not related, I’d swear that Kerri and 20 are siblings. They spar like brother and sister. Her favorite term of endearment for him is Turd. “Don’t be a turd!” she declares, laughing. “Oh, my god!”

“I can’t help it!” he responds. “What does she want from me?” he turns and asks.

I sip my wine, saying, “Don’t look at me! I’m staying out of it.” That, too, is one of my sage self-generated-post-it-notes-on-the-wall: Stay out of it.

read Kerri’s blogpost about DON’T BE A TURD

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buymeacoffee is a sign from the ether-sphere posted on nothing tangible so it both does and does not exist.

Make A Small Choice [on Merely A Thought Monday]

When we saw the sign planted on the side of the road – and then another, and another – we wondered what inspired the message and the movement. We were not surprised to learn that the community had recently experienced a cluster of teen suicides. The signs were a message to their young people, a love letter to their children.

The WHO reports that more than 700,000 people die by suicide every year. That’s more people than die by homicide or war combined. Even as I write this I am startled at how antiseptic a statistic can make hopelessness. The data of despair.

The signs appeared on the roadside because the violence-of-hopelessness had faces and names and addresses. And parents. And teachers. And friends. People moved, they pulled together. The threat transcended the numb data and became personal. They needed to talk. They needed to grieve together. They had no idea what to do so they made signs: you matter.

I thought a lot about those signs during our long drive home. Campaigns for change most often fail. They lose steam. They dissolve into abstraction. Behavior cannot be legislated. The messages we receive in the media are mostly violent. Ask most people about a blow to their self-esteem and you’ll hear a specific story. A moment of bullying, a glancing blow that altered the trajectory of their life one degree but, over time and distance, that small degree of violence made a huge difference.

In the same fashion, tiny acts of kindness, one small gestures of support, can send titanic ripples throughout a lifetime.

On the road, there was a distinct message sent to us by the people that roared up behind us, flashing their lights, riding our bumper. There was an entirely different message sent to us by the people who slowed their speed to let us in the lane of traffic. Small choices. Tiny moments. We are humans and learn to respond in kind.

Each day an opportunity. Each moment a choice. When we truly believe what the signs say, we will make certain that in small ways and large, it will be a priority to instill in each and every heart the message that they are worth more than they know. No one arrives at despair by themselves. No one arrives at hope by themselves.

I believe we actually do know what to do. It might begin with a sign or a curriculum but real hope – the intentional creation of worth – will shine through millions of small choices, communities dedicated to filling each and every day with tiny moments of support.

read Kerri’s blog post about WORTH