Push A Limit [David’s blog on KS Friday]

In one of the more absurd chapters of my life I was awarded a full-ride scholarship to a graduate program in costuming. As an undergraduate student in the theatre with a focus on acting and directing I’d spent a goodly amount of time in costume shops, sewing buttons, repairing shoes, badly hemming pants. It is fair to say that anything that involves fabric makes little to no sense to me. Many dear and patient costumers kept me busy during my required costume hours with tasks that I could not bungle. They found my level of competence (very low) and helped me succeed there.

My capacity to draw opened the door of costume absurdity. While interning at The Walden Theatre in Louisville, Kentucky, the director cast me as Oberon in a production of A Mid Summer Night’s Dream. She also asked me to design the costumes. She’d seen my drawings. I was delighted and drew characters with absolutely no idea whether or not my drawings could be translated into actual garments that people could wear. The very gifted head of the costume shop recognized my vast limitations and gently helped me make fabric decisions. I learned the art of the question from her. She knew what was best – and I knew nothing at all – so her questions were precise with the correct answer baked into the framing of the question.

One day a man came to audition actors for a graduate program. The audition room was lined with my costume designs. After the auditions he found me and asked me to interview with the tech faculty of the university. It was a crazy idea, a wild hare, but I did it anyway. At the time my ship had no rudder and there was nothing on my horizon following my internship. Plus, I believed there was no way, given my very very low costume competence, that they’d offer me a spot. But they did. And I accepted.

When Kerri resurrected her box of clothes-patterns it surfaced my long forgotten time in graduate school as a costume designer. I could draw and design everything. I couldn’t construct anything. More than once I reduced my professors to tears of laughing-disbelief at my attempts to sew. More than once I stopped them in their tracks with my capacity to imagine and paint. I began that year believing I was on the wrong path – I knew I was never going to be a costume designer – and I ended the year having learned that there is no such thing as a wrong path. Those good people, the incredible artists that surrounded me each day, helped me see and embrace my gifts. They helped me laugh at my foibles. They helped me understand the great creative power – and necessity – of pushing on a limit and stepping into an unknown. They helped me find my way.

LEGACY on the album RELEASED FROM THE HEART © 1995 Kerri Sherwood

Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE PATTERNS

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Embrace The Nincompoop [on Merely A Thought Monday]

I always appreciate when life lessons come in different forms and from multiple directions. The first time I remember hearing this lesson was standing on a street corner in San Francisco with Quinn. He pointed to the tippy top of the TransAmerica building and told me that the person sitting in the big office up there was making it up, too. Just like me. No one really knows what they are doing.

It was a message that actually scared me to death. At the time I thought everyone knew what they were doing except me. I was, in my mind, the only nincompoop in the herd. To entertain the idea that the entire herd was comprised of nincompoops… I wish I’d asked Quinn the obvious next question: If we’re all stumbling in the dark, whose driving this car, anyway?

The lesson came around again, this time while indulging in one of our favorite quirks. Before sleep, we watch hiking videos on YouTube. A recent favorite is Jack Keogh’s, Walking on A Dream. Early in his PCT through-hike, he comments that, without exception, everyone is new to the experience and just trying to figure stuff out. “Everyone has their training wheels on.” Kerri whispered, “That’s true in all of life.” As she sat up to write the phrase, I heard Quinn chuckling. He had a great chuckle.

I’m working on a special project. I’ve volunteered to copy one of my paintings. yes, it’s true, I’m copying myself. Now, isn’t that a scary thought! Every few days 20 comes down into my studio to check my progress. He scrutinizes the original and then squints at the copy and asks a variation of this question: How did you know how to…? My answer is always the same: I don’t know. I’m making it up as I go.

What’s remarkable to me is the ease of my answer. I have no idea. The younger version of me, the one Quinn took to the city to administer a lesson, thought he needed to know. The younger version of me thought that to be competent meant “to know.” The younger version of me, when asked, “How did you know how to…?” made up some profoundly stupid answers. And, to my great relief, usually the questioner would nod their head as if what I said was actually plausible. “What a nincompoop,” I’d think, meaning both me and the questioner.

I am, at long last, able to fully grasp the lesson. Competency has nothing to do with knowing. It has everything to do with being able to “figure it out.” Shorthand: questions are much more valuable than answers since an answer is merely a single step on the path of a life filled with questions. Questions, like life, keep rolling along. I now know that had I asked the obvious next question, “Whose driving this car, anyway?” Quinn would have answered without hesitation, “No one and everyone.”

There I go again, thinking that life is about getting somewhere. It is, after all, the common mistake that defines the nincompoop herd: we consistently miss the point. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. No one controls their moment, spinning on this little orb as it hurtles through infinite space. It’s best to hold the hand of the one you love, enjoy the moment, make it up together, and embrace life as a bona fide nincompoop.

read Kerri’s blogpost about TRAINING WHEELS

Like it? Like it. Or share it. Or comment. Or buyusacoffee.com. Or all of the above. Why hold back?;-)

Love What You Bring [on Two Artists Tuesday]

“Only mediocrity is sure of itself…” ~ Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Sometimes I wonder why I spent so much of my life believing I was a fraud. I was provided with great mentors, each relaying the same message: vibrant life is never found in what you know. The point of life is to step toward not-knowing. And, yet, for years, I abused myself with accusations of not-knowing. It was proof that I was a fraud. I was certain everyone else knew.

Quinn pointed to a tall building and told me the people occupying the big office at the top were just making it up, too.

Jim worked hard to help me understand that artistry happens in the release of preparation.

Tom McK tried to help me see that the real riches are found in the very moment that you simply don’t know what to do.

I am fortunate. After so many great mentors speaking a singular message to my titanic fear of not-knowing, the penny dropped. Standing alone in the vast open plain of not-knowing, a two-step mantra flooded my being.

Step #1: Have the experience first. Make meaning second.

A Post-it note pinned near my desk reads, “Competence isn’t in what you know, it’s in your capacity to figure it out.” I have great capacity.

Step #2: Suspend your judgments and learn.

Martha Graham’s “divine dissatisfaction” and “blessed unrest” permeate the vast open plain of not-knowing. “Keep the channel open,” she advised Agnes deMille. “No artist is pleased.”

“Your job is to put it out there,” Dick K., told a younger version of me. “What other people think is none of your business.”

It’s simple. Love what you bring.

read Kerri’s blogpost about YOUR WORK