Understand My Confusion

Posted on November 20, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

621. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

I’m not getting you anything for Christmas. It’s not that I don’t want to give you a gift. I do. It’s just that I’m having a crisis of value; I’m not sure what is valuable anymore.

For instance, I was unplugged from the news last week so I missed the disappearance of the Twinkie. Honestly, I probably would have missed it had I not been unplugged from the news. What I didn’t miss was the profiteers that raked clean the Twinkies from store shelves only to sell them on eBay to panicking Twinkie fans for a hundred times the market price. And they are selling, thus establishing a new market price. I recognize the rules of supply and demand, the demand-fever produced by a limited supply and all of that; I can even entertain the appeal of Americana, the passing of the Twinkie era and the emotional crisis that might evoke. But, truth be told, I am shaking my head in disbelief.

Just for kicks I googled the list of endangered species and wondered where is the frenzy over the limited supply of Assam Roofed Turtles or Australian Sea Lion’s? If we have the energy to horde and save Twinkies, where is our verve to protect the Bactrian Camels? I understand there is a very limited supply. Of course, it is a rhetorical question; according to the law of supply and demand they have no value. No demand. No market. Best to just let the supply disappear. You can understand my confusion. For kicks, google the list, read it, and see how long it takes you to get to the bottom. You might want to sit. You’ll certainly want to brew some coffee; it will take you a while.

And then there is the day we set aside each year to give thanks. We gather with our families. We make a big meal to demonstrate and celebrate our abundance. Given enough time we might even sit around and tell stories of the people who came before us that lived hard lives so that we might enjoy our abundance. But, this year the stores open at 8:00. I hadn’t recognized the shortage of stuff – or perhaps it is a shortage of time to get stuff; either way, somehow we’ve managed to turn our ritual of Thanksgiving into a festival of lack. I’d ask you to explain it to me but I think that might only serve to depress me.

Given the clear value message displayed by my community, I have learned that the best gift I can give to you this year is a Twinkie. And, I can’t do it. I value you more than that. You can understand my confusion.

Filed under: Perspective, Random, Truly Powerful People | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Do As Lexi Does

Posted on November 19, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

620. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

“We don’t eat sticks, David,” she said to me. And, with a shake of her head added, “Ick!” Her 2 year-old eyes, brown and deep as a well to the center of the earth, looked into me to make sure I got the seriousness of the message. I did, so we went on to the next, “We don’t eat stop signs, David. They are no good!” I shook my head and said, “Ick.” She shook her head with me. “Ick,” we said together and made faces of distaste and disdain.

At two years old, Lexi already has a vocabulary that matches mine. She will soon outpace me and I will need to look down at the 3 year-old version of her and ask, “What does that mean?” She will sigh, choose to have patience with me, and slow down long enough to explain. At dinner the other night I attempted to secure my superior word status and set a trap for her: I used the word “pterodactyl” and she looked at me (again with those eyes that look into my soul), spotted my trap, all but yawned and said perfectly, “pterodactyl.” Then, as if to torture me, she said, “hanguber (hamburger).” It is refreshing to be with a little Buddha that has yet to learn the word “can’t.” Everything is possible and trying is everything. It is infectious; I have seen otherwise constipated adults giggle and scribble outside of the lines in the presence of a 2 year-old. With Lexi, I make faces and outrageous bear sounds (do you know the sound a bear makes when it laughs?); hang out with us and you are certain to hear it.

Picasso famously said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” He is also said, “I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” With two quotes he states the problem for living a good life and solves for it. Problem: how to remain an artist once we grow up. Solution: always do what you cannot do in order that you may learn how to do it. Hint: do as Lexi does and eliminate the word “can’t” from your vocabulary. Try with gusto! Mispronounce everything! Do what you have never done because you have never done it! Turn to the person nearest you and declare with awe and enthusiasm, “I kicked the ball, David!” (keep the “David” part even if the person closest to you is otherwise named; it tickles me to think that I will be the universal recipient of your unbridled enthusiasm. Note: that is not a trap).

Filed under: Art, Power, Seeing, Truly Powerful People | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Story Yourself Vast

Posted on November 18, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

619. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Horatio lovingly takes me to task on my use of the word story. I use it as a verb. I write, “You story yourself,” and Horatio rolls his eyes, telling me, “I wish you wouldn’t do that.” I can’t help it. I believe the story you tell yourself about yourself is a creative act; it is something that you do. It is an action, not a thing. I believe we story ourselves every moment of every day. It is one of the fundamental actions of our lives and whether we recognize it our not, it is an act of creation. We are fundamentally creative, creating ourselves with every story we tell, every experience we interpret, every yearning we assume, and every memory we re-play. At the inception of every action we take is the story we tell ourselves.

We cast ourselves in this story that we tell; we play many roles in the course of a day. Some of the roles we like to play, some we do not. Whether we like them or not we agree to play all of the roles. We have great choice in how we play our roles; we have the capacity to bring life to every circumstance in our play. We can play roles of resistance to life; we can play roles of investment in generating life. It all depends upon how we decide to story our moments, the narrative we choose to weave.

A month ago I was sitting on a pier watching the sunrise and I realized that the narrative dominating most of my life was a story of “figuring it out.” So much of the story I tell-myself-about-myself is driven by a narrative of “needing to know.” Knowing provides safety. Knowing provides location. I asked myself the question that has always lurked behind the curtain, a much better question for me: what if I never figure it out? What if I allow that it can’t be figured out; what if it is a mystery? What if I am a mystery not to be contained or figured out, but a vastness to be experienced? What if I accept that I am a mystery and instead of telling a story of “figuring it out,” tell the story that I know to be more true: I am as fluid and unknowable as is the rest of the universe. Why don’t I treat myself as a dynamic question instead of a static answer?

Why would I tell such a small story in such an immense experience?

Filed under: Awakening, Story, Truly Powerful People | Leave a comment »

Ask A Better Question

Posted on November 17, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

618. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

I’m revisiting old themes. As a coach it is a constant fascination for me to witness again and again: the way we ask our questions determines the possibilities we see or do not see. Too often the thing we seek remains invisible to us simply because of the way we’ve asked the question.

A great cultural example is the question currently dominating education: we are asking how we might raise standards. We want a system that supports great learning in a 21st century world and it remains invisible to us because we are asking a 19th century question. What might we see if we asked questions about creating a system of great learning instead of questions about raising standards?

If you ask yourself the question, “What is missing in my life?” you will begin a search for what you do not have. The assumption beneath the question is that “it” is out there somewhere and must be found. So, the only option is to seek something that you currently do not possess. The question necessitates separation; your fulfillment is elsewhere. The question reinforces separation because the question assumes separation.

Ask the question another way: “What do I want to create in my life?” Instead of a treasure hunt you will begin to generate from within. As a rule, fulfillment is rarely something we find outside of ourselves, it is something you live; fulfillment is not an outcome, it is something that follows. The question reinforces wholeness because the question assumes wholeness.

What are the questions you ask? What do your questions reveal about your assumptions? Is there a better question?

Filed under: Language, Truly Powerful People | Leave a comment »

Receive The Gift

Posted on November 16, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

617. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Push hands is a core practice in Tai-Chi. It is a done facing a partner, forearm-to-forearm, feet rooted to the floor, moving to sense the center of balance of the other person. If it were a game, the objective of push hands would be to knock the other person off balance.

I am a novice and am learning that the skill is to not assert force, which seems counterintuitive. In my western mind, if I am to knock my partner off balance, I need to push; I need to assert. It’s called push hands, after all! But that is not the case. As Saul-the Chi-Lantern says, push hands is a “listening energy.” Pushing with force knocks you off balance, not your partner. Listen. Feel. Stay rooted in your center. The skill is to feel my partner’s center and the moment they move off their center, I help them, no force necessary. I use my partner’s energy, helping them move further off center, moving them in the direction they are already going – off balance.

There are life metaphors a-go-go in push hands. Today there were two in particular: first, it is too easy for me, the novice, to focus on the moving hands and forget about the still center. The power is not in the moving hands, the power is maintained in the still center. A powerful person is not distracted by the moving pieces – we live in fast-river world with no end of rapidly moving pieces – it is easy to lose center with so much pulling at our attention. A variation on lesson one: a powerful person does not push with their arms (that is to assert force, thus throwing myself off center); a powerful person pays attention to and operates from their center. They sense. They feel. They listen. They move from their center, not from their extremities. The mind wants to assert, to force, to achieve; the mind is all about moving from the extremities. Power is in process. To force is an attempt to control; the moment I attempt to control, my partner supports my attempt and launches me across the room.

The second lesson was even more potent for me: power doesn’t feel powerful. It feels like helping. Push hands is a great exercise in creating power-with; there is no defeat, no winner and loser, there is a greater and greater capacity to listen, to embody a potent center, to support your partner in occupying their center. As Saul-the-Chi-Lantern often says, “Learn to receive the gift.” Translation: occupy your center; stop trying to make things happen; surrender your need to resist: Listen. Participate. Use what is right in front of you and amplify the energy. Help your partner stay in their center is the best way for you to learn to inhabit your own.

Filed under: Body, Power, Truly Powerful People | Tagged: , , | Leave a comment »

Walk Up The Hill

Posted on November 15, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

616. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Saul-the-Chi-Lantern stopped in mid form; we were “grasping the swallow’s tail” when he turned and said, “There’s this thing about anger that is worth mentioning.” We relaxed from our practice knowing that Saul’s no-segue comments are always rich with meaning even if they often seem as perplexing as a Zen koan.

“Anger requires a certain amount of dedicated focus,” he said. “I used to work with troubled teenagers in San Bernardino and there were lots of kids dedicated to their anger.” He paused and seemed to be moving back into the tai chi practice but realized he had yet to complete his thought, so he turned again to us. “There was a really steep hill at the place where I worked and I learned early on that, if a kid was angry, I’d ask them to tell me what was making them angry. We’d walk up the steep hill as they talked and within ten paces they could no longer be angry. It was impossible to walk up that hill and keep a focus on the anger.” Saul smiled and continued, “It only took ten paces for them to put their focus on something else. And, after ten paces up the hill, their anger dropped away and then we could talk about what was really going on.”

He wrinkled his brow and continued, “Anger is good for knocking you off balance but not much else. And, you have to be really dedicated to sustain anger – which means your dedication in life is to sustaining anger and what good is that!” He laughed and stepped back into the form, muttering, “Who in their right mind wants to live off balance? It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

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Step Toward The Wolf

Posted on November 14, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

615. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

It’s an analogy I use often with groups: In the story of Little Red Riding Hood, which character is necessary to move the story forward? The wolf. Without the wolf, there is no story. Without the wolf there is no conflict. In story terms, conflict is the motor that drives a story forward. In personal and organizational growth terms, conflict serves the same function; remove the conflict and you will impede your growth. Conflict, obstacle, hurdle, challenge,…chose your word; it is the wolf, the trial that serves as midwife for the opportunity to emerge. New perspectives become available and necessary when old perspectives snarl and howl.

Processes of change in an organization are exactly the same as processes of change in an individual. The mistake we make in both cases is to attempt to eliminate the wolf from our story. We’ve confused good process with comfort. Discomfort, not comfort, is the hallmark of a vital change process.

Teams that always agree are inert. Teams that know how to disagree are dynamic. The greatest artistic collaborations I have ever experienced were comprised of people with opposing points of view and no investment in being right. They were artists dedicated to bringing their best ideas to a team, knowing that there would emerge from the group a vision greater than any single member could imagine. Collaboration is a cauldron that requires heat. It also requires an understanding that agendas like “needing to be right” or “have things my way” will sully the gold. Great collaborators step into heat unguarded; they do not attempt to eliminate the heat because they are in service to a vision and not a scorecard.

Collaboration is a group of people evoking the best from all involved; they are invested in the success of the whole, they are actively creating power with their team. The fear of conflict is a sure sign of power-over games; it is the sign of individuals pretending to be a group, seeking their worth from their peers instead of bringing their worth to the collaboration. When a group attempts to eliminate conflict it is a sure sign they are afraid and, therefore, necessarily invested in control.

If you or your team feel stuck, it is a good bet that you’ve eliminated the wolf from your story. Like all good growth steps, the thing you need to do often feels counterintuitive; rather than play nice, play honest. Bring your best offer and don’t forget to invite the wolf to your party.

Filed under: Creativity, Edges, Truly Powerful People | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Welcome Horatio Home

Posted on November 13, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

614. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Today I celebrate Horatio. He just passed a major milestone for artistic growth; he stepped beyond the finite game of win/lose and entered the arena of mastery. If you knew Horatio like I do, you’d put on your seatbelt. As this man changes his life he will change yours, too; that is the way with all great artists.

Years ago Horatio decided to become a filmmaker. When Horatio decides to do something he doesn’t dip his toe in first. He walks to the edge of his comfort zone and jumps. He threw himself into experiences and classes, read everything that he could get his hands on, he got behind a camera, made commercials, and learned to edit. He took acting classes, talked with directors, asked questions of everyone who might know anything about anything, he studied films and story structure, made more films, made messes and cleaned them up, wrote scripts, shot more film, and entered festivals. And like us all, he made the assumption that everyone knew more than he did.

Like all artists in pursuit of their passions, Horatio assumed that there was a right way to do things – and on a technical level that is probably true. Painters need to know color theory; pianists need to know their scales. Artistry assumes technical competence and artistry thrives in the fields beyond technical competence. Rules are learned to transcend or to be broken. Einstein never would have arrived at relativity had he followed the rules.

Horatio had terrific teachers gifted in helping him achieve technical competence. And one day, today in fact, he arrived at the recognition that he knew more about his artistry than did his teachers. His opinion of his work is more relevant than those guides that brought him to this pass. Today, Horatio became his own teacher. He is no longer trying to know “how” to do it. He’s recognized that “how” is a question that only he can answer; there is not a right way or a wrong way, there is his way. Now, the real fun begins. He is capable of beginner’s mind, the place beyond answers and arrivals, the place where every experience is new; the place where play is possible. Welcome Home Horatio!

Filed under: Art, Heroes, Truly Powerful People | 1 Comment »

Dial Up Your Gratitude

Posted on November 12, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

613. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

The topic on our call today was gratitude. The transformational presence coaching community comes together once a month to check in, share insights, best practices, bring professional questions, and share personal triumph and tragedy. A member of our community lost her home to Hurricane Sandy. Everything is gone. Another is losing her mother to cancer. Another member is experiencing exponential professional growth while another member shared her recognition that growth doesn’t have to be painful; with presence comes new eyes to see opportunity everywhere. With presence, the story of pain drops away.

In each case, amidst the stories of chaos and clarity, the cliffs and the solid ground, the people on the call dialed up their gratitude. In each case the community supported each other in their growth and strengths. I was moved by their dedication to supporting the best in each other; I am in awe of how dedicated this community has become in reinforcing each other in their power.

What do we support in each other? This question has been on my radar for several months. My work often begins with helping groups recognize their patterns of support. In cultures of control you will most often find that people unknowingly ally with each other’s pain, they will support each other in their victim story. Listen to conversations around you. Are the conversations stories of drama and blame? Are the listeners commiserating and then telling blame tales of their own? If you think of the conversations as alliances being forged you will begin to see the pacts being signed with dysfunction, “I will support you in your pain if you support me in mine.” Communities of control produce victim alliances.

In a culture of power the stories you hear will be stories of choice and opportunity. You may hear experiences of devastation but the accent is not on blame or helplessness, the accent is on “how I am within my circumstance.” Empowered people know that they are distinct and separate from their circumstance: no one else is responsible for how they feel or the actions they take. No one can control their circumstances but they have infinite control over how they are within their circumstance. In communities of power there are no victims; there are participants. Listen to their forged alliances and you will see pacts being signed with generosity. Communities of power produce alliances with power. Communities of power know that empowerment is not an individual sport; power is created with others and is made visible in their patterns of support.

Filed under: Power, Truly Powerful People | Leave a comment »

Step Into Your Food Trap

Posted on November 11, 2012 by davidrobinsoncreative

612. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

As teeth go, I have always been fortunate. Mine are hitchy-screw but mostly cavity free. I’ve never had root canals or bridges or caps. Only once in my life has the good doctor had to stick a needle into my gums and she was diligent in numbing my gum before using the needle. I thought, “Cool. No pain.” My dad has not been so lucky. He’s a cavity factory, a root waiting to be canaled. After every pain free visit to the dentist I think of calling my dad to tell him that I’m still skating in front of the grim tooth reaper. And, every time I pick up the phone to torture my dad with my good tooth fortune, I think, “Don’t do it! There will be dental blow back.” I return my phone to my pocket and pretend that I never had the thought.

So, you can imagine my surprise when my dentist told me that I have a food trap in my mouth. Now, it is impossible for me not to jump with both feet into that image opportunity. I saw packs of animals and varieties of vegetables roaming around in my mouth completely unaware of the pit they were about to step into; a loop of rope ready to snare their food-feet and launch them into the air, suspended until I (who else?) would come along and eat them. Having a food trap in my mouth posed a good question: Why have a food trap in your mouth? One of the primary uses of a mouth is to trap food. What is the sense of having a trap in my trap? My dentist rolled her eyes but did not answer my query.

After rolling her eyes she brought out the drill. Once again, she was diligent in numbing me before needling me and was very concerned about my comfort during trap removal. No Pain! I am, more than ever, grateful that I did not dial the phone and torture my father. Today very well could have been blow back day. I was a bit disappointed when no steel trap, cage, or hidden rope came out of my mouth. Apparently a food trap is akin to a tiger pit and all the drilling and sanding was to knock down the spikes so she could fill in the pit. She told me it was a standard procedure. It seems many of us roam around with food traps lurking in our mouths. Thank goodness I have an un-caged imagination. What would my day in the dentist chair have been if I had not let my imagination roam as freely as the packs of animals roaming in my mouth; what would I have experienced had I not made the whole thing up?

Filed under: Random, Truly Powerful People | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

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