Just As It Is [David’s blog on Not So Flawed Wednesday]

Thirteen years into our relationship, ten years after we said, “I do,” I learned something new and startling about Kerri: she used to be a woman who wore hats.

The woman I know refuses to put on a hat. She makes a wrinkly face when I suggest she try on a hat. Even in the bitter cold she resists the warmth of a stocking cap until frostbite is imminent. She is not a woman who wears hats. She is a woman who openly disparages herself-in-hats.

Imagine my surprise, then, when in the process of cleaning out her studio closet, she pulled out multiple hat boxes. In each box, was – wait for it – a delightful hat!

It must have been the look of shock on my face that propelled her to take a step back in time and model the hats. Donning the first hat she was instantly sassy. The next made her buoyant. She turned up the brim. She pushed a hat to the back of her head. She cocked one to the side. Each hat evoked an attitude. Each hat summoned a story. A performance. An event. A meeting. A fundraiser. A photo shoot…a playful spirit.

The hats liberated her like a mask liberates an actor. Each had a unique personality and the power to infuse her with its magic persona. I saw a bit of Diane Keaton, a shade of Audrey Hepburn. I laughed and clapped at each performance. I admired the power of the hats.

In time, the hats were restored to their boxes. The woman who does not wear hats returned. She told me that it was time to move them on, to sell or donate the hats. To make space.

When we first met, in a conversation about change, she told me that she believed people do not change, rather, they become more of who they are. The masks fall away. Time and experience erodes the fortress. The armor falls off. The hats return to their boxes. What remains is beautiful just as it is, just as it always has been.

*****

(Snark Alert) And then there’s this: if you are, like me, trying to make sense of the AWOL Republican party, there can only be one of these three options for their unwillingness to do their jobs and uphold their oath to the Constitution: 1) They all appear prominently in the Epstein Files. 2) They are like their leader: puppets for Putin. Or 3) They are stealth fascists who never really believed in Democracy in the first place and had no intention of serving the Constitution. To continue supporting this authoritarian madman is political suicide yet they remain silent and, therefore, complicit. They either already know that there will never again be free and fair elections so there’s no need to worry about their precious seat – or see numbers 1 through 3 above. What else? If you see any other explanation I’d love to hear it.

read Kerri’s blogpost about HATS

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Prepare For The Freeze [David’s blog on saturday morning smack-dab]

In our home there is no task so daunting as the cleaning-out of her closet. We’ve had several near-attempts. Occasionally, small dents have been made to the outer layer. But, in the end, all forward progress shuts down. This mountain is too formidable to climb. With the closet door open she stands staring in; frozen.

I understand. It’s not simply clothes to be tossed. It’s memories. Associations. The archeology of a lifetime. For my story-thready wife, taking her old clothes to the Goodwill is like tossing her memories into an abyss.

I’ve suggested leaving it alone and building another closet to make badly needed new space for the present-and-future clothes. My suggestion always inspires THAT look. So, I’ve learned to keep silent. Hold my tongue. I’ve learned the art of the silent head-nod.

Now I know, on those dubious occasions she declares, “This is the day…” my job is to prepare for the emotional-lock-up, the mental freeze. The inevitable zombie-stare of defeat. I fluff extra pillows for her favorite chair. I position the hassock so I can rub her feet. I open a bottle of wine.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE CLOSET

smack-dab © 2024 kerrianddavid.com

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