Understand My Confusion

621. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

I’m not getting you anything for Christmas. It’s not that I don’t want to give you a gift. I do. It’s just that I’m having a crisis of value; I’m not sure what is valuable anymore.

For instance, I was unplugged from the news last week so I missed the disappearance of the Twinkie. Honestly, I probably would have missed it had I not been unplugged from the news. What I didn’t miss was the profiteers that raked clean the Twinkies from store shelves only to sell them on eBay to panicking Twinkie fans for a hundred times the market price. And they are selling, thus establishing a new market price. I recognize the rules of supply and demand, the demand-fever produced by a limited supply and all of that; I can even entertain the appeal of Americana, the passing of the Twinkie era and the emotional crisis that might evoke. But, truth be told, I am shaking my head in disbelief.

Just for kicks I googled the list of endangered species and wondered where is the frenzy over the limited supply of Assam Roofed Turtles or Australian Sea Lion’s? If we have the energy to horde and save Twinkies, where is our verve to protect the Bactrian Camels? I understand there is a very limited supply. Of course, it is a rhetorical question; according to the law of supply and demand they have no value. No demand. No market. Best to just let the supply disappear. You can understand my confusion. For kicks, google the list, read it, and see how long it takes you to get to the bottom. You might want to sit. You’ll certainly want to brew some coffee; it will take you a while.

And then there is the day we set aside each year to give thanks. We gather with our families. We make a big meal to demonstrate and celebrate our abundance. Given enough time we might even sit around and tell stories of the people who came before us that lived hard lives so that we might enjoy our abundance. But, this year the stores open at 8:00. I hadn’t recognized the shortage of stuff – or perhaps it is a shortage of time to get stuff; either way, somehow we’ve managed to turn our ritual of Thanksgiving into a festival of lack. I’d ask you to explain it to me but I think that might only serve to depress me.

Given the clear value message displayed by my community, I have learned that the best gift I can give to you this year is a Twinkie. And, I can’t do it. I value you more than that. You can understand my confusion.

Step Into Your Food Trap

612. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

As teeth go, I have always been fortunate. Mine are hitchy-screw but mostly cavity free. I’ve never had root canals or bridges or caps. Only once in my life has the good doctor had to stick a needle into my gums and she was diligent in numbing my gum before using the needle. I thought, “Cool. No pain.” My dad has not been so lucky. He’s a cavity factory, a root waiting to be canaled. After every pain free visit to the dentist I think of calling my dad to tell him that I’m still skating in front of the grim tooth reaper. And, every time I pick up the phone to torture my dad with my good tooth fortune, I think, “Don’t do it! There will be dental blow back.” I return my phone to my pocket and pretend that I never had the thought.

So, you can imagine my surprise when my dentist told me that I have a food trap in my mouth. Now, it is impossible for me not to jump with both feet into that image opportunity. I saw packs of animals and varieties of vegetables roaming around in my mouth completely unaware of the pit they were about to step into; a loop of rope ready to snare their food-feet and launch them into the air, suspended until I (who else?) would come along and eat them. Having a food trap in my mouth posed a good question: Why have a food trap in your mouth? One of the primary uses of a mouth is to trap food. What is the sense of having a trap in my trap? My dentist rolled her eyes but did not answer my query.

After rolling her eyes she brought out the drill. Once again, she was diligent in numbing me before needling me and was very concerned about my comfort during trap removal. No Pain! I am, more than ever, grateful that I did not dial the phone and torture my father. Today very well could have been blow back day. I was a bit disappointed when no steel trap, cage, or hidden rope came out of my mouth. Apparently a food trap is akin to a tiger pit and all the drilling and sanding was to knock down the spikes so she could fill in the pit. She told me it was a standard procedure. It seems many of us roam around with food traps lurking in our mouths. Thank goodness I have an un-caged imagination. What would my day in the dentist chair have been if I had not let my imagination roam as freely as the packs of animals roaming in my mouth; what would I have experienced had I not made the whole thing up?

Make It Up!

610. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

It is election night and the wind is roaring off the Sound. We are saving daylight now so the sun sets early. It was only this weekend that we turned back the clocks so I am disoriented each evening; “What time is it!” I exclaim looking at the clock, realizing that although it feels like midnight it is actually only 7:00. When I was a kid I’d ride the merry-go-round, spinning and spinning until my inner compass was so bamboozled that I walked like a drunken sailor. Daylight saving time is like a merry-go-round.

Although at this fine age I have no intention of spinning myself into perplexity, I’ve once again decided that being disoriented is not so bad (when I am deep in thought I am perfectly capable of walking into poles or going in the opposite direction of my intention). In fact, so fond am I of being disoriented that I’m considering spinning disorientation into a philosophy so future generations might reasonably aim at utter confusion.

This is the proof for my new philosophy: we spend so much time trying to be found, how could we be anything but lost. A variation on the theme: we spend so much time trying to be right, that we must certainly be continually proving that we are wrong. Another variation: we put so much energy justifying our position that we must be secretly convinced that we have no position. So rather than whip up the illusion of knowing, wouldn’t it make more sense to fully embrace not-knowing? Good heavens, I’m on the verge of writing a syllogism! My inner philosopher is tugging at his beard with cigar stained fingers, muttering, “hmmmmmm. A book, perhaps?” Ominous deep staring eyes will dominate the book jacket design, the teaser will read: there is no map for your soul! The first chapter will be a single sentence: It is all made up.

When puffer-academics ask me for proof of disorientation I will point to American election cycles. So inundated are we with months of campaign advertising, pundits tugging on our perceptual rope, “facts” spun into tasty delirium cotton candy, “truth” slandered and slander twisted into licorice tasting “truth;” we must certainly be on the merry-go-round all of the time. Chapter one: it is all made up. Chapter two: in order to be oriented you have to have something solid to orient to. Chapter three: If it is all made up, then nothing is solid. If nothing is solid, then orientation is impossible. If orientation is impossible, then you better make something up. A near syllogism! My inner philosopher hoots with satisfaction!

No wonder I’m dizzy.

See Again

606. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

I got new glasses today. I had great vision until I was 45 and then, just as a prophetic optometrist predicted when I was 21, the world went fuzzy. I denied the existence of my first pair of glasses until one day during a workshop I thought a team wrote on their flip chart, “All new hires should have babies.” I walked closer to the flip chart (rather than put on my glasses…) and discovered that they’d actually written that new hires should have buddies, not babies. I was both relieved and distressed; what else was I misreading?

It amuses me when I bust myself in full-blown story attachment. In my brown-eyed family, I am the only member with green eyes. I was the only member gifted with perfect vision; not only do I have green eyes but I do not need glasses…that was the story. I do not need glasses. I am an artist with perfect vision and that is a gift. With glasses, I thought the gift was revoked. I must not have used it well. I was, with glasses, somehow less special. I knew that the story of my glasses was ridiculous and existed nowhere outside of me, but I told it anyway.

And then I learned through my new fuzzy sight that my gift was not my vision; it was my vision.

The first time Joe saw me wear my glasses he said, “Oh, thank god! Now you at least look smart!” Over time I grew accustomed to wearing them when I needed to read flip charts or drive. Pulling them from their perch on the collar of my shirt I’d put them on and think, “Time to look smart.” It became a game, like Clark Kent running into his phone booth and coming out as superman; I’d turn around and put on my glasses, spin around and be a few points smarter than before. “I need some more smarts,” I’d think, spinning around, and re-emerging wearing my smart eyes. And then, I realized that glasses work like a mask or a clown’s nose: they are transformational and allow an infinite number of new characters to come through: my glasses worked just like a clown car!

So, picking out my second pair of glasses today was an event. Since I now recognize that my gift is not my vision but my vision, and I have a unique opportunity for new characters to emerge through each successive pair of glasses, I went to the most special place, Eyes On Fremont, to pick my new look, my new superhero persona, my next clown car of personalities.

Watch out world! I can see again. And, with my new look came a new superpower though I must not tell what my new superpower is (hint: I am less smart in my new mask but speeding bullets have nothing on me now!); superpowers must remain incognito until needed.

Look Before You Throw

603. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Just a few moments ago, I stood up from my desk, slid open the glass door, stepped out on the balcony with my laptop, and prepared to hurl my computer into space. Luckily, I have an odd sense of humor so, before I actually pitched the offender to its death, I did what they do on television and threatened it first. “Are you going to tell me what I want to know?” I whispered coldly. At first my computer was silent so I cocked my arm as if I was about to throw it like a Frisbee and the poor device screamed and begged for mercy. It relented and helped me with my task (as it was supposed to do in the first place). So I brought it back inside to the desk… but I did not close the door. I wanted it to know that the flying-off-the-balcony option was still on the table.

I was gratified that it relented but somehow felt dissatisfied. I wanted to hear the smash. I wanted to feel the triumph of actually pitching the offending computer off of the balcony. And that’s when the idea hit me: stunt doubles! My computer should have a stand-in for those dangerous moments when it confounds me and provokes my wrath! I would have pitched the stunt double off the balcony without a second thought. I would have danced a happy jig the moment it smashed to the ground! And the threat would still be there for my real computer. While dancing I’d look at my real computer and say, “Did you hear that? That will be you if you keep messing with me….” Who knew that technology would bring out my inner Al Capone.

Recently, I was in the Verizon store. On the counter was a box of smashed iPhones. The purpose of the box on the counter was to encourage new buyers to get the insurance offered by the store. I was waiting so I asked for the stories of the smashed phones. The young man behind the counter grinned and took great relish telling me the gory accounts of iPhone demise. Some were clearly accidental. Others were very suspicious. For instance, what would need to happen for you to “back your car over your phone?” What sequence of events would lead you to “drop your phone off an overpass?” Or, my personal favorite, “…a friend, (a Sumo wrestler, apparently), stepped on it.” MM-hmm. Technology brings out the inner Al Capone in us all. Had the iPhone owners suitable stunt doubles, their phones may have lived to see another day.

Megan-the-Brilliant is tough on technology. I’ve only known her for a few years and have already seen her drown her phone (twice), drop her phone on hard tile (suspicious, don’t you think?), smash the glass in a manner yet to be explained (she rolled her eyes and said, “It just happened.”) I’ve even seen her work a backroom deal for smashed glass replacement because she didn’t want to explain yet another time why her phone was broken (during the deal I pretended that I was the look-out. It was thrilling). Imagine the relief she would feel with a box of stunt doubles. She could experience the joy of drowning her phone and not have to fear the dubious looks from suspicious Verizon employees.

Just as in the movies, a stunt double does not cost nearly as much as a star. I could affordably pitch my laptop off a balcony several times a day and still be under budget. Of course, my inner lawyer would impose a warning label on my inner Al Capone: I imagine the warning label on the stunt-double jump suit would read: Always look before you throw, use caution when smashing your technology. No wonder I’m conflicted!

Be Like Charlie Brown

601. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Sometimes I worry myself. Last week I was flying through O’Hare airport. I had a fairly long lay over (and isn’t THAT an interesting term!). I was tired. It was dark outside; in airports during the winter 6:00pm and midnight feel like the same thing, just as in old age homes prunes and iced tea taste the same. It’s odd. So, it was midnight or something. My eyes were fried so I couldn’t read. Besides, I was the kind of tired that, if I lay down during my lay over, I’d wake up and my flight would have left me behind. So I was walking and looking at stuff.

Here’s the part that worries me: I saw a sandwich. I wasn’t hungry but I knew my flight was approximately 5 hours long and I could imagine myself getting hungry before the plane landed. And what if the plane never landed? I should have a sandwich. Here’s more of the part that worries me: at the Airport Fresh food stand, where nothing is really fresh, where I saw the sandwich, the sandwich I saw, the sandwich I chose was sitting all alone. There were others further down the shelf, but this one, this lonely little sandwich, sat all alone. It was too small to compete. The other sandwiches were muscly things wrapped tightly in plastic; they were bursting to get out of their wrappers. My sandwich was the runt of the litter, sliced chicken breast with red bell pepper. It was destined to be an engineer. And since no one was talking to it, since it had been abandoned by the in-crowd, I bought it.

As I walked away from Airport Fresh, I had a realization: I am Charlie Brown! My ghost costume has too many holes! On this day of All Hallows Eve I will get rocks instead of candy in my plastic pumpkin head trick-or-treat candy bucket because I projected a story (my story?) on a lonely sub-standard sandwich that a host of other discerning travelers were wise enough to leave behind. I chose the Christmas tree with few branches and no needles because I thought it needed a home. Or, an alternate narrative: mainstream sandwiches bore me and I am much more interested in the deviants in society. More projection perhaps but one with a healthier turn: I chose that narrative.

After all of that, I will not tell you what horrors I suffered when I actually got hungry on my flight. That sandwich pleaded with me for a long time and I had to explain that it had a purpose to fulfill. And, as difficult as the path might seem now, it would thank me later. It went quietly. So I think – all in all – it was a very worrisome affair. Spooky even. Ghoulish when you consider what happened to that poor lonely sandwich.

Know Your Neighbor

553. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

My inner sociologist awoke with a start. He is a sleepy fellow and enjoys his nap more than most folks. I was crossing the courtyard of the apartment complex next door; it has been my shortcut to the other side of the peninsula for more than a decade, a shortcut that I have taken 5 times a week, every week, for 10 years. I am on a first name basis with the caretaker of the property. Today, as I crossed the courtyard I passed a man on talking on a cell phone. He was angry and shouting at the person on the other end. As I passed he snapped shut his phone and called out to me, “Hey! Do you live here?” I stopped and told him I lived in the apartments next door. He responded, “You’re walking on our sidewalk!” That was the moment my inner sociologist woke up and rubbed his eyes, “Huh? Wha…?” His hair was a mess; nap head.

“These are our sidewalks!” the angry man sneered, “I live here. We have to protect our privacy.”

My inner sociologist rolled his eyes and said, “Why are test cases always so predictable.” I cautioned him to watch, to make no assumptions. I said to the angry man, “My name’s David. I’m your neighbor. I pass this way everyday.” My inner sociologist took out his notepad and a blunt pencil, grudgingly poised to write notes about the encounter.

The angry man opened his phone. He did not dial a number so my inner sociologist wrote, “Avoids eye contact.” While staring at his phone, Angry Man said, “We’ve had a rash of vandalism and have to know who’s on our property.”

I said, “Well, I’ll keep my eyes open for any suspicious characters.” My inner sociologist rolled his eyes and called me a manipulator, taking a note about my less-than-subtle status game.

Still staring at his phone, Angry Man repeated emphatically, “These are our sidewalks,” and turned his back and quickly walked away, disappearing around a corner.

My inner sociologist snapped closed his notepad and sighed with disgust, “You woke me up for this? Another angry person finding things to fear is not worthy of my study! You interrupted my nap for a game of guard-the-sidewalk!”

“It justifies his anger.” I said. “Guarding the sidewalk gives him a sense of power and purpose. Plus, didn’t you see how he used his phone as a place to disappear?” I asked. Isn’t that interesting to you?”

“Old News!” shouted my inner sociologist! “Blame and disappear, blame and disappear! Claiming territory that does not matter – it’s an old song and it bores me. Besides, who’s not hiding inside their technology these days?” he seethed, crawling back onto his couch, adjusting his pillow. “I find it depressing,” he sighed, closing his eyes.

“Well, I thought it was interesting precisely because it is so normal.” I said. “Isn’t his need to mark territory and defend it against his neighbor, me, a possible ally, a potential friend, isn’t that worth studying? Isn’t it worth talking about?” He was already snoring – or making snoring noises so I’d leave him alone. “Well, I think it’s interesting.” I said, slightly wounded, suddenly more aware of the sidewalk than I had been before meeting the Angry Man.

A Word From The Rejuvenation Fairy

550. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

With a puzzled look on his face, Saul the-chi-lantern stopped our tai chi practice in mid form and said, “I have never understood why people willingly engage in activities that deplete them.” We returned his puzzled look with one of our own. He laughed, recognizing that he’d once again given voice to a remnant of thought-trail and although he had the full conversation available in his mind, we only had the bit that leaked out at the end.

“Let me put it to you this way, “ he said, “I used to practice many forms of marshal arts and after most days I would return exhausted, battered and bruised. One day, after returning from a tai chi class, feeling refreshed and invigorated, I asked myself why I wasn’t pursuing refreshed and invigorated all the time?” He paused, deep in a memory before continuing, “I see people everyday choosing to be battered and bruised. They are oriented in their lives thinking they have to kill themselves to achieve something. I don’t know. What is so attractive about killing yourself when you could choose to refresh and renew yourself? It makes no sense to me.” He smiled, adding, “Now that I am 70 years old it makes no sense. What takes so long?”

(note: This message for Lisa goes for all of you. Relax. And mean it; no pretend relaxation. Fairies can see through that stuff.  You never know what a Rejuvenation Fairy will do to support your relaxation and rejuvenation. They can be brutal. Seriously.)

Listen To The Heron

546. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Janice and Francis appeared with the herons. It is not unusual for a single heron to be fishing the Sound at low tide. I have never seen two herons flying together until this morning.

There is a smallish park wedged between two apartment complexes; it is perfect for my morning Tai Chi because it is lower than the street, shielded by shrubs, and the waters of the Sound lap against the west side. It is quiet. I was midway through the form, deep in a quiet mind, and I heard the croak of a heron. Turning, flying just over me, were two gawky and graceful herons, cutting through the park. When my eyes dropped back to the earth, Janice was standing there with her dog, Francis; she was looking at me as if the herons had interrupted our conversation. From my perspective, she simply appeared.

She said, “Heron’s represent patience.” I was still a bit startled at her appearance so she continued, saying, “I’ve lived here for years and years and I’ve never seen two. Have you? It must be a magical day.”

“Yes,” I said.

As I gave Francis a pet, Janice continued, “I’ve done a lot of reading about heron’s and what they represent. Patience is important and they are also symbolic of the need to passionately pursue what you want and need. They are a very determined bird, very self-reliant.” I smiled when she said “They came right through here… just for you I think.

“I think you are right.” I said, as she bid me a good day and turned, calling Francis. Together they climbed the stair and disappeared.

Breathe A Sigh Of Relief

544. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Talking with my peers who, like me, identify as young but our conversations are sounding suspiciously like the conversations our parents used to have (“my body hurts…,” “I don’t have the energy for it…,” “We were never like that…”), our topic turned to “young people plugged into their ear buds who seem to be lost in a world of their own.” Good contrarian that I am, I had another point of view on the “young” escapees.

Nobutoshi Kihara developed the Sony Walkman way back in the 1970’s and the catalyst for the technology was to create a way for people to listen to their music without disturbing others. It was an invention born from consideration, a distinctly Japanese idea. Translated to an American consumer it morphed into a way for people to tune out the noise and chaos of contemporary life. I offered this notion to my pals: most of us now live in an urban environment, we can’t walk down the street without advertisements competing for our attention no matter where we turn (a boat is now trolling the Puget Sound beaches pulling a with a billboard…nothing is sacred), our world is plagued by a non-stop political campaign defined by ugly accusations, political parties that are either useless or crazy and certainly no longer interested in compromise or governing, news organizations that gave up their mission decades ago and now believe their job is to entertain (so they shout and organize fights), bankers that no longer serve their communities but instead pillage from them, schools driven by the one thing we know that impedes education (a focus on an outcome instead creating a process of discovery), cops with guns, crooks with guns, moms with guns, an economic machine that needs war to be healthy, terror, terror everywhere,…who wouldn’t want to put in ear buds and play a different soundtrack? I suggested that the sanest people on the street are the ones who are refusing to listen to the noise and instead are at least proactive enough to take care of themselves.

When I asked my pals how much television they watched each day, they grumbled knowing what I was implying. There are many ways to tune out. There are many forms of complacency.

Yesterday I took a short hike on a forest trail and it only took a few minutes for me to get quiet inside. With no one screaming for my attention, with no one screaming at others or honking or emailing or proclaiming, pontificating, threatening, inflating, running to get there, racing to get here, I was amazed at how much I wanted to tune in to my surroundings. I wanted nothing between me and the natural rhythm; my pace slowed, my senses opened and I breathed a deep sigh of relief.