Hold A Boundary. Make A Choice.

I had an extraordinary conversation yesterday about the benefits of having and holding personal boundaries. On the surface that sounds like a no-brainer until you consider that the epicenter of pain for most of my clients, personal, educational, corporate and otherwise, is the inability to hold a boundary. In most cases, people know that they are frustrated or in pain but do not recognize that they’re in turmoil because they are giving the farm away. They are hurting because others are stomping on their sacred ground.

My clients are my heroes because, once they recognize that they need clear boundaries, they do the hard work of establishing and maintaining their borders. They stop allowing others to step on them. And then an amazing thing happens. They become powerful. Not the power-over kind of power (that is not power, that is control), but the deep inner force kind of powerful. They “own” themselves. They stop assigning responsibility for their happiness to other people and because they lift themselves from the victim role, they become creators of their lives. This, too, probably sounds like a no-brainer. It is easy to articulate but in most cases not so easy to do. I often say (and write) this phrase and it applies here: the actions you need to take are usually simple – it is the story you wrap around the actions that make things hard. Establishing and holding a boundary is simple. What reason do you give yourself for allowing others to step in your sacred ground? What reason do you give yourself for withholding your voice? What conflict do you think you are avoiding with your silence? The answer to these questions is the story you are telling and it is the story that makes things hard.

There is an equation in boundary creation that is simple and leads directly to the capacity to create. It follows a very specific pattern and goes something like this: 1) drawing and maintaining boundaries allows you to see the choices that you make. Without boundaries it is hard to see how you participate in your pain; it is hard to recognize your choices when your choices allow others to violate your space. 2) With boundaries you see your choices. You start to make conscious choices. Owning your choices brings a magical realization: your choices are, in fact, creating your life. 3) Once you understand that you are making choices every moment of your life, once you see that you are assigning the meaning to your world, you are capable of seeing how you actively create your world. Owning your choices, recognizing your power to give meaning, necessarily leads to the real power center revelation: you are a creator. You are the creator of your happiness and your world.

If I were a mathematician, I’s scribble it on my chalkboard like this:

Boundaries x Choice = Creator

[912. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.]

For a humorous look at the wonderful world of innovation and new ventures, check out my new comic strip Fl!p and the gang at Fl!p Comics.

One Response

  1. Elegant. Simple and powerful.

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