blow back | The Direction of Intention

About Icky [David’s blog on DR Thursday]

Posted on September 3, 2026 by davidrobinsoncreative

I knew something was up when she emailed the photo to me. She was watching me out of the corner of her eye when I clicked on the file to open the photo. That’s never a good sign. Then, she was just a smidge too intense, one step away from a giggle, when she asked, “Do you notice anything odd about this photo?”

Some dads nickname their daughters “Peanut” or “Princess”. Kerri’s father nicknamed her “Brat”. I take some small comfort knowing that her tendency for mischief was known and acknowledged early in her life. I imagine – check that…I know her brat-hood has only grown more sophisticated over time.

“When I look at this photo, it makes me feel icky; motion sick,” she said, staring at me. That’s called blow back. Since meeting Kerri I’ve only driven the car a handful of times. She suffers from extreme motion sickness; riding in the passenger seat strikes terror in her heart. Sitting in the backseat of a car is more than she can bear. Driving the car is her only option. I have become an excellent passenger. Also, since I never drive, I’ve taken no responsibility for knowing where I am; I’ve lived in this town for 13 years and rarely know how to get from point A to point B. It’s been a zen-lesson in giving over. The photo was upside-down which stirred her motion sickness – but I pretended not to grok it.

Side note: It is too tempting to draw a parallel between Kerri’s marina-flip and the state of the nation. So I won’t do it other than to ask, “Do you notice anything odd about the government of this country?” It definitely makes me feel icky. Democracy upside-down is fascism and that can’t feel good to anyone with a soul.

Brat studied me as I studied the photograph. “Does it make you feel icky?” she asked, a bit too enthusiastically. Schadenfreude.

“No!” I replied. I’ve learned that the best defense against a brat-moment is to feign nonchalance. “It’s odd but it doesn’t make me feel icky.”

“It’s flipped over!” she cried! “It’s upside down. The reflection is at the top! How can that not make you feel icky?” She cried, indignant. “Didn’t you notice?” she frowned.

“Oh, wow!” I pretended to notice for the first time. “That’s cool. Why does that make you feel icky?” I asked.

“Because it’s upside-down!” she declared, outraged. Disappointed.

I should have confessed that the photo made me feel off-balance because, the top of the list in Kerri’s Brat Book of Rules is this: “If at first you don’t succeed, escalate.” Now I have to watch my back.

Side note: Oy! It is way-too tempting to draw a parallel between rule #1 in Kerri’s Brat Book of Rules and the state of the rogue government as we roll into the midterms. So far they haven’t succeeded in rigging the election so they are escalating. If we want our democracy to emerge intact, right-side-up, we have no choice but to watch our backs.

It all makes me feel icky.

read Kerri’s blogpost about THE MARINA FLIP

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Choose Your Path

Posted on January 21, 2017 by davidrobinsoncreative

a detail of my painting And Now

Months ago Steve told me that he’d read my book. “I liked it,” he said, “But the only thing I don’t get is the first chapter. What do you mean when you say that we don’t have problems, we have patterns?” Since we were in the middle of a rehearsal we didn’t have the chance to discuss it. I forgot about that conversation until yesterday. I was digging through some old notes and found my original note, the first time I told a group that they didn’t have a problem, they had a pattern. I was facilitating a very dysfunctional group and having a great time untying their collective dedication to misery. Afterwards, I wrote extensive notes because the day’s conversation spun my dials. In rereading these notes I find them more relevant today than ever. Here’s what I recorded:

On the road to power the path splits: one path leads to power-with-others. The other road leads to power-over-others. The fork in the road is determined by where you seek your worth. It is, when all else is stripped away, a matter of focus placement. Where do you seek your worth?

1) If you seek your worth from others, you will take the path to power-over others.

2) If you seek your worth within yourself, you will take the fork that leads to power creation with others.

If you seek to glean your worth from others you are essentially trying to control the uncontrollable (what other people think, feel, see,…is out of your control). Control is a fear path and requires protection, shielding, etc..

When people stop trying to control what they cannot control, when they place their energy and focus not on what others think of them but on what they think of themselves, they open. They become safe in the world primarily because their safety is not located in what others think (it is located in themselves).

To pay attention to the self brought from the group an assumption that they would become self-absorbed; they would ignore or disconnect from others. I asked them to imagine this: make the basic assumption that they were loved, that they were already worthy beyond measure. A healthy self-worth does not require self-absorption but its opposite. Respect for others is not possible in the absence of self-respect. Given the imagined assumption of self worth, what might be possible? It all depends upon where they place their focus (where they aimed their focus). Focus placement is a learned pattern.

I have always been interested in comparative religions and have often been confounded by the split that runs through the three primary western faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam – all people of the book sharing a common root). To stir my pot Linda and Bill loaned me a book that speaks to the split in the Christian tradition entitled If Grace Is True by Philip Gulley. The essence of its message: what you see (and therefore, what you believe) depends upon where you place your focus. You can focus on the god of righteousness and retribution or you can focus on the god of grace. If your focus is on righteousness and retribution, you will necessarily believe in a chosen people, an us-and-them paradigm, and fear will be your driver (power-over). This god will send hurricanes to punish. If, however, you focus on the god of grace, then there can be no divisions. Grace is for everyone. This god does not send disasters nor takes sides with who wins wars because division is made-up by humans seeking power. Grace creates power-with.

Our nation, at this moment, is in a heated debate about where to place its focus. Standing at the fork it is embroiled in a dispute about which path to take. The danger on the path of power-over is that it invariably and inevitably eats itself. Fear is a potent driver for a little while. Pushing others down to elevate your self might feel good for a time but will always blow back on itself. Diminishing others is a lousy path to (dare I say it?) true power.

For a short time in the 80’s I did work at a school in Los Angeles that served children in gangs. We played a lot. We laughed as a way of loosening the grips of fear-seeing. The epicenter of our work together always came down to this truth: any idiot with a trigger finger can take a life. It is easy to push others down. It takes a heart and a mind (and a community) to give life. The real work of courage is to lift others up; that is what using your gifts in service to the world is all about. And, in the end of the day, the only difference is which path you choose, where you decide to place your focus, and which pattern you decide to reinforce.

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