The Direction of Intention

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Generally people withhold their voice for two reasons: because of what their thoughts will reveal about them or because with giving voice comes responsibility.

I do not underestimate the difficulty in reclaiming your voice once you’ve silenced yourself; vulnerability and ownership of perspective are easy to talk about but difficult to live. Patterns of silence and suppression are wicked to address until you realize that your actions in the world are a kind of voice, a form of practice. Silence and inaction are clear statements of belief. You are giving voice all of the time by what you choose to do.

One of the major stories most of us walk into is the story that we have to be this or that for others. For some reason, meeting the expectations of others is more important than meeting our own expectations. It is safer to be silent until the silence suffocates you. I suspect at the base of it all is a variation of the “I’m not good enough” story. I remember swearing to myself, after one particularly shame filled slap, that I would never give voice to my thoughts again. I mistook the slap for a statement of no-value. It took me a long time to recognize that the slap came because what I said was honest; I said what others were thinking and could not say. The only true shame from the experience was in my silencing of myself.

Voice-less-ness comes from practice. Keeping your thoughts to yourself is a learned skill. The opposite can also be true: what would happen in your life if you began the practice of sharing your thoughts? What would you need to change to feel safe enough to make strong offers regardless of how other people perceived your thoughts and ideas?

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