Truly Powerful People (229)

229.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

[continued from 228]

There is a direct relationship between healthy boundaries and power. Drawing boundaries is different than controlling. Taking on the responsibility for other people’s choices or investing in the idea that you can protect anyone from feeling the consequences of their actions is a study in weak boundaries; a weak boundary is a bunk buddy to controlling behavior. When there is a breach of boundaries, manipulation games abound. It creates energy blocks, confusion, and dependency; it zaps power.

Power creation often begins with healthy boundaries. Empowering yourself requires you to empower others because you clarify the boundary: what is yours vs. what is not yours. When you own and feel the effects of your choices, you grow. When you get out of the business of owning other people’s choices, they have the same opportunity; they grow.

Growth and power often begins with learning to draw a line. Learn to recognize the power of proper boundaries and you’ll see how quickly edges can become horizons – for everyone.

Truly Powerful People (228)

228.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Enabling is one of those words with a double meaning – and the mirror meaning is the opposite of its twin. You can enable 1) to empower, or you can enable 2) to dis-empower: take actions intended to be helpful but actually perpetuate the problem. Knowing the distinction is key to understanding true power. Knowing the difference is vital if you are going to be able to reinforce cultures of creativity instead of cultures of control.

The sticky word in the dis-empowering form of enabling is “intention.” If you intend to protect someone from feeling the impact of their choices, or to mitigate or take on the responsibility for their actions, or to make things easier by constantly moving the boundary or changing the game, no matter how well intentioned, you are actually making things worse. It might feel good – it might feel like love – but you are essentially blocking them from growing and preventing them from becoming powerful. In truth, you are drinking their power from them (Ana-the-wise calls this, “vampiring”); needing weakness in others to feel power in your self.

Feeling the impact of choices leads to the capacity to make better choices. Responsibility abounds in someone who owns their actions and choices, power is easy when boundaries are clear and easily drawn and held (holding boundaries is different than controlling).

Absorbing the impact of bad choices for others will teach them that no matter what they do, you will always swoop in and save the day. You get to be powerful. They get to be free of responsibility. No learning or growth necessary. It fosters dependency (both ways) and dependency is the essential ingredient of a culture of control. Think about it: if you’ve learned to expect me or the teacher of the state or the HR department to control you then you never need control yourself or be responsible for your actions.

Empowered people empower others. Truly powerful people inspire truly powerful people.

Truly Powerful People (227)

227.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

This morning I read an article in National Geographic magazine about the last reindeer herders in Scandinavia. I found myself yearning for the simplicity of that kind of life. I’m not romanticizing the difficulties. Theirs is a hard life and it is likely a community about to disappear into contemporary society. What I am aware of and yearning for is a community with a clear central focus that knows each member is necessary – it requires the best from everyone if the community is to survive and thrive. And each member of the community knows their value to the greater whole. Their rituals are meaningful, their narrative intact. To betray the community is to betray your self – it is unthinkable.

Last night I watched the documentary film, Inside Job that tracks the decisions and events that made our 2008 economic suicide possible. It is basically the story of how the largest financial institutions in America knowingly sold worthless products to the world in order to realize obscene profits – all with the collusion of the government and the agencies tasked with regulating them. When their ponzi scheme failed it took down the world economy, 30 million people worldwide lost their jobs, more lost their retirements, and savings,… and the bankers and government officials at the center of it all profited mightily. To betray the community was rewarded. To betray the community was profitable.

I found myself wondering what the reindeer herders in Scandinavia would do to a member of its community that so violently betrayed the trust and ruined the health of so many of its members. What must a community do when their rituals are violated and their narrative assaulted? We did nothing.

What does a community do when their rituals have no substance and their narrative is hollow?

The juxtaposition between these two stories about community reminded me why I started this exploration of power – and not power over other; power with. I wrote it yesterday but it is present for me again today, these power-over stories and structures are old, old, old, and they threaten our very survival. We live in the age of power-with (it’s called a global community for a reason), no single member’s actions are separate or distinct; if one member falters we all falter. Just ask your local financial services representative (I use that term loosely) what will happen to markets in America if Greece’s economy falls. No need to ask the Greeks what will happen to their economy if a few American bankers drive the USA’s economy over the cliff – they already know. There is no such thing as “us and them” in our times. It is a world of “we” and truly powerful people know that in their bones.

Truly Powerful People (226)

226.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

I remember leaving the meeting with the school superintendent and being utterly baffled. The district hired me to create art projects in their schools and to inspire and promote experiential learning processes. Apparently, the art projects were becoming too powerful. The experiential learning was uncontrollable. The teachers, students, and parents were debating issues and engaging in meaningful conversations about big ideas, conversations that had no easy answer and required wading neck deep into deeper questions, they’d started digging into issues and challenging superficial responses, in short, they were thinking critically. They were on voyages of discovery and resisting attempts to contain their exploration. They were having fun. The board, through the superintendent, asked me to stop it. They wanted something more tame – the art was meant to be a distraction, an entertainment. It was the first time I truly understood the purpose of the public schools and the revelation was as disorienting as it was breathtaking.

I wrote a letter as part of my resignation explaining the purpose of the arts to the board and to the superintendent: it is through the arts that a community identifies itself (asks, “who are we?”) and engages with the deeper questions (asks, “why are we here?”) and has the capacity to re-imagine itself over time (asks, “what is ours to do?”). A community that reduces its art (and its expectation of education) to entertainment is a community on life support; it is already dead.

I wrote that letter 20 years ago and remembered it today as, more and more, I recognize the work of truly powerful people is to be the agents of retiring the old and make space for the new. The time for life-support is done. We have too many inert old world systems that we pump energy and resources into even though we know the patient is long dead. For instance, it is almost 2012; continuing to entertain the rhetorical blather that testing has anything to do with improving the quality of learning is to support the ill-intended purpose of education as taught to me by the board and the superintendent so many years ago. We’d get more for bang for our buck if we gave teachers bathroom breaks, time to eat lunch everyday, and the capacity to teach (as opposed to feed the insatiable needs of the test).

Or perhaps we should continue to focus on the short-term market gains and losses as the meter for how well we are doing in the world? How well are you doing? Who is explaining the market to you? Is the purpose of the market the same as the purpose of your life on this planet? How might you otherwise meter the worth of your time here? How might we as a nation set a more worthy intention?

Maybe we should continue to protect all the institutions that are “too big to fail” at the expense of the real health of the community; isn’t that the equivalent of saying, “The tumor is too big to remove so we will do nothing and hope that it takes care of itself.” It won’t. The heart continues to beat although the brain is clearly dead.

It is old, old, old, old thinking.

We live in the age of the internet. Bigger is not better. Connectivity and relationship rule the day and our systems and our expectations are decades behind. Better questions to ask in every sector, for a start, might be, “What are we doing?” Followed hard upon with a hearty, healthy series of the question, “Why?”

As Alan said after he returned from his recent teaching trip to Europe, our work as artists and coaches and teachers and leaders is to roll the old paradigm into hospice and become the midwife for the new.

Empowered people empower others when they look at the clearly naked emperor and cease to pretend that they see clothes.

Truly Powerful People (225)

225.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

The other day Ana-the-wise told me that we are now beyond the time when our actions are conditional. She told me it is the time for comprehension. This is what she means:

It is time to make strong offers without the inhibition of doubt. Offers with energy-leaching questions like, “What will they think of me?” or “Does my thought/action/idea have merit or worth?” minimize the offer. Release the investment in the doubt (the condition), make the offer, and see what happens. Make the offer; you’ll never know if it has merit unless you make the offer and make is powerfully. If you make a timid or half-offer, you’ll continue to question the worth of your offer (and yourself) and the only thing you will know with certainty is that you held yourself back. If you’re driving with one foot on the gas and the other foot on the brakes, it’s time to make a choice: hit the gas or stop the car. Either way, it is an action without conditions.

Empowered people empower others by bringing their best – as a choice. Bring your gift without apology or condition – it is your gift and the world needs what you have to offer. Bring it.

Truly Powerful People (224)

224.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Tamara wrote to me today a meditation about edges. She is a brilliant songwriter and has learned to stand in the fullness of life (instead of running through it or away from it). She inspires me.

She had an experience on the coast of Oregon that stirred the birth of a new song and for her a new process in music making. A potent experience generating a potent creative process, unknown and vital and necessary, a texture of living and artistry that is only available if you feel life and feel it deeply; all of it.

She must have known that I was on an edge in my life (she somehow knows these things), because her amazing words came to me at just the right moment, just as I was facing what will be yet looking over my shoulder at what once was. Here is just a bit of the timely meditation that she shared:

“That’s the thing about edges, isn’t it?? We are balanced there, right in the moment between either offering up the white flag and retreating back to where we feel more ‘safe’, or just leaping out into the waves. And sometimes we leap out to another amazing unexplored place where we create and become and breathe, and sometimes we back up to the grassy area, where the ocean looks like a lake instead of crashing waves, and we see a different kind of beauty from there.”
There is beauty and new perspective either way. And with her wise words I know that mine to do this time is to leap, the beauty I seek is in the “amazing unexplored place.”

Mostly, I can’t wait to hear her new song and to share my new creation. What could be better than that?!

Truly Powerful People (223)

223.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

I am 12 years old and I am watching my grandfather slowly take apart a lawn mower. He is methodically removing pieces and lining the pieces on a towel according to the order of removal. His garage is a wonderland of tools and workbenches. His business is sewing machine repair and he seems to know how to do everything.

He asks me what I’m doing and I tell him I’m watching because I don’t have the slightest idea how to fix a lawn mower. He laughs and tells me that he doesn’t know how to do it either. I’m confused because he looks like he knows what he is doing. I tell him that and he laughs again. He sets down his screwdriver and asks me to sit next to him.

He tells stories about his first car. When he bought it there were very few service stations in the world. “If your car broke down you had to fix it,” he says. “No one knew how to fix a car and everyone had to do their own fixing. So, you figured it out.” He told me that’s what he was doing with the lawn mower – he was figuring it out. “But, here’s the key,” he said, “you can’t be in a hurry. If you give yourself time, you can figure anything out. It’s trying to do it fast that makes people believe they can’t do things.”

Forty years later I’m setting up a new website, new databases, ecommerce, for a new business and my grandfather has been with me in spirit all week. “Go slow,” I say to myself. “Give yourself time and you can figure anything out.” It is good advice for lawnmowers, new technology, and becoming power-full. It’s trying to do it fast that makes people believe they can’t do things.

Truly Powerful People (222)

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Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Today in class Alan asked a great question about the intersection of oneness and differentiation. He simply asked, “How do you understand these energies?”

At first glance these two words seem like opposite ends of a spectrum when, in fact, they play together in ways that are as necessary as two related words, doing and being. Can you ever “do” without “being?” Can you ever “be” without “doing?” Can your intellect be in opposition to your intuition if you don’t pit them against each other?

The distinctions are artificial yet we’ve built an entire system of belief based on the notion opposition – and so we experience our lives in terms of opposition.

The same is true with oneness and differentiation. They are more points-of-view than ends of a spectrum. By now you’ve likely watched neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor’s TED talk or read her book in which she recounts her experience of having a stroke. Her encounter during the stroke of shifting from the differentiation of her left hemisphere to the unity and oneness of her right; recognizing the necessity of both working together in concert to create what we know as perception. Unity without differentiation is as useless as individual without community.

There is a sweet spot, a place where both come together. As Alan asked today, “Why not be in both at the same time?” That is where the power happens.

Truly Powerful People (221)

221.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Clare said, “I wouldn’t be a good teacher,” and I challenged her about that. She was taking an encaustic painting class and one of her classmates was very needy of attention. “If you don’t respond to her story she’ll tell it again and again until you do and it drives me nuts!” Clare declared.

“That should drive you nuts so why wouldn’t you be a good teacher?” I asked.

“A teacher has to put up with that or pretend that stuff is okay.” She huffed. “I couldn’t do it.”

“What makes you think a teacher has to be an enabler of neediness? Isn’t a teacher’s job to support students to fulfill their potential? It isn’t a matter of putting up with it or not putting up with it – it’s not a fixed condition, inevitable, or a character flaw. It is someone who doesn’t yet see them self as powerful.” Clare looked at me like I was a Martian. “You might be a great teacher because it drives you nuts. You just need a different idea of what makes a great teacher.”

Truly Powerful People (220)

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Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Keith Johnstone was one of the early pioneer’s of what we call Improvisation. He was a playwright and interested in developing better ways of writing dialogue. Much of what we now know as Improvisation was a result of a eureka moment he had one day with the actors in the studio. They realized that every relationship – every relationship – is a status negotiation. When his actors became conscious of taking high or low status, or flipping status, their work became dynamic and interesting. The path to better dialogue was through status. And, often the status negotiations were screamingly funny. So they experimented and played and laughed and discovered. And now we have this thing called Improv.

The word “status” is loaded and is often mistaken for “power over” others. That can be the case but is not necessarily so. Every time I introduce status games to a group of non-theatre folk they bristle at the word largely because no one wants their true status to be revealed. It is not nice to admit that you want status over others; everyone wants to be royalty or a superhero or a movie star. Who doesn’t want to go to the 20th high school reunion and show everyone just how well you’ve done and rub certain noses in your success? But, I don’t want to be seen as doing it.

If we are constantly in status negotiations (and we are) then we are also constantly in alliance negotiations. Within status and alliance there is choice. If your negotiation is a tug of war attempting to get others to see and agree with you (to be right) then you are negating power in others – playing for power over. If you are trying to control what others see/think/feel then you are negating power in yourself. This is an outcome focus.

There is another option. If your negotiation is oriented toward what you bring to the commons instead of what you get from it, if you are invested in creating instead of being right, generating instead of controlling, then you are quite literally creating power with others. Keith Johnstone also recognized that there was one simple rule that made the whole thing work: “Say, Yes, and….” In other words, embrace and work with what comes at you. Make and accept strong offers and something magic will emerge. It is a process dedicated to creating something bigger than any single participant is capable of creating alone. It is a field of possibilities in which negation, enabling, control, or being ‘right’ have no place. And it is rich with status!