Look Both Ways

838. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

“The poet and the engineer look at things through much different eyes,” said Saul-the-Chi-Lantern. “When you say, ‘One moves, all move’ the poet understands immediately. Not so with the engineer!” He laughed. “The engineer will challenge the statement and require proof beyond the visual. The engineer will hear the statement as literal. The poet will accept without question that all things move when one thing moves because the poet lives with metaphor. The engineer does not.”

“The engineer will see the body as a structure. The poet will see something divine. Stand still and take a breath and notice how much of your body moves with a simple inhalation. It all moves! It never stops moving. The engineer will see the breath as mechanism. The poet will see breath as inspiration.”

Saul returned to the beginning position of the tai chi form and prepared to lead us through a round. Another thought occurred to him so before beginning the form he turned back to us saying, “One is not better than the other. An engineer sees what is most interesting to her. A poet sees what is most interesting to him. Different lenses. Different purposes. Different passions. Both are responding according to their need.”

Many years ago in a movement class the professor asked us to stand very still and pay attention to the way our body maintains balance. What became immediately apparent is that balance is not an achievement. One is never balanced. One is always balancing. Balance is a constant adjustment and readjustment. Balance is a dynamic physical, mental and spiritual relationship with the movement of the planet, the pull of gravity, the workings of the inner ear, and the tug of the moon creating our inner tides. One moves, all move. Follow that ripple and you’ll get lost in space; every star cluster dances with you.

I thought of Saul’s words as I walked home after class. All are responding according to their need. All are responding according to their purpose. These are statements of individual necessity. One moves, all move is a statement of interconnectivity; individual necessity is a move that moves all and is moved by all. Both/and. Engineer mind perceives separation. Poet mind seeks unity. Neither is right or wrong; they dance.

See The Poetry

832. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

It rained all afternoon so when the breeze jostled the branches, water cascaded down on us. Josh said, “When the wind blows, the tree rains.” I loved the image. It made us see a tree that rains. Poetry!

It reminded me that we are not merely the passive receivers of visual information. We are the interpreters of what we see. We are the givers of meaning to everything we perceive. Everything. We are the givers of meaning to everything that we experience. The meaning is not outside of us waiting to be found, we give it, enjoy it, reject it, run from it, embrace it, dance with the meaning or deny it.

Recently I was reminded (again) that the meaning of every symbol I see and sign that I seek is already within me. I assign the meaning. I am the magic. I can believe that “things were meant to be,” or that the shooting star is a sign that I need to follow my bliss. I want to believe that the universe converses with me, leaves me a trail of breadcrumbs that I can follow to fulfillment or some greater meaning. And all the while I know that the meaning is not outside of me. I create it. In this way I am the universe or at least and expression of it.

I mirror the world and the world mirrors me. Joe once told me that we can only know ourselves by what comes back at us from others. We offer. We share. We project. And a response comes back to us. We interpret the response and adjust our offer, refine what we believe about ourselves and the world.

“The wind jostles the branches and the tree rains.” Josh sees the poetry in this world. I see the first star of the night and make a wish. A snake slithers across my path and then another and I know it is time to act on what I already know. I have a hunch and I follow it. I collect data and interpret it. I form a hypothesis and test it until I think I know. I sit still in awe and am certain that I do not know anything.

Step Down

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Megan-the-brilliant sent me a link to a very concise blog post that she wrote a long time ago. She and I recently had a conversation about grounding and centering and in sharing the link she asked what I would add or say differently. Her post was sparked by some event or experience that she cannot recall so the post lives as a universal statement of truth. Here is her post:

To be authentic is to live according to your truth
To be brave is to speak your truth
To be centered is to know your truth
To be grounded is to believe in your truth
To be free is to release the illusion of control over the truths of others.

It is an especially interesting question to me because lately I doubt my truth. To be more specific, the intuition, impulse, and knowing that I have always identified as truth and followed without question (often to my ruin) I now distrust. I wonder if I have inverted the inner guide with the inner used car salesman. I may have the only guide in the history of inner guides that wears a plaid polyester sports coat and sells truth in the guise of a jalopy. I’ve ignored this voice and listened to the very sincere, baritone inner opinion-giver who never panics, never gets excited and tells me it’s okay to sell the farm for a song. It turns out that I am an easy mark!

So, given my doubt of anything that sounds like truth, here are my additions to Megan’s post (for today. These may change according to the jalopy I purchase tomorrow):

To be authentic is to question your truth and live according to the question.
To be brave is to stand solidly in “I don’t know” and refuse to pretend that there is an answer.
To be centered is to step off the pedestal and stand without shame in the muck of life.
To be grounded is recognize that you are ordinary and cease any attempts to be separate from or better than the herd or the animals or the plants or the sky or the stars.
To be free is to realize that the sacred is in the ordinary, the muck, the not-knowing, and the questions. To stand above anything or anyone is an illusion and can only distance you from the sacred because the sacred is always in the direction of unity and never in the direction of distinction.

Want The Sunrise

826. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

This morning I watched the sun rise from the top deck of the ferry. It was a clear calm summer morning, warm even before the sun peaked over the mountains. I was alone on the deck to witness the dawn and wondered why the other passengers weren’t up there with me.

The ferry was packed which was unusual for an early Saturday morning but there was a marathon in the city and most of my fellow commuters were runners and their families. As I boarded I passed groups stretching, others were applying icy hot patches, most were checking their gear and making sure they had what they needed for the run. They were too busy preparing to pay attention to the sun. The main deck was frenetic with carbo-loading and pre-run anticipation!

As chaotic as it was below, the upper deck was equally as quiet. The sky was electric with velvet blues and hot oranges morphing to pink and purple as the sun rolled into view. It made me quiet inside. There was nothing more important to me in that moment than being present for the start of another day. I wanted to know what it is to sing the sun up, to welcome it back, to live within the consciousness that pays attention. It was utterly magical to be on the water, standing at the bow of the ferry, crossing the Sound, the summer morning air rushing through me as the heat of the morning sun reached and washed over me. I drank deeply and knew that this morning would be one of the moments I would remember on that future day when my life flashed before my eyes.

I realized as I left the ferry amidst a throng of runners that I am running a different kind of race. Many years ago I was a runner. I ran to feel alive. I ran to find my limits. I ran to stay ahead of the pain. I ran as a meditation. Now, I am alive and my life is a meditation. I no longer need to find my limits because I’m fairly certain I create them. With great intention and even greater dedication I walk slowly so I can see. I have raced through too much of my life trying to get to starting lines and finish lines. I no longer care about starts or finishes, I want to be in it and not merely move through it. I want the sunrise, the feel of the breeze off the water and the new sun on my face.

See A Sentinel

824. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Each day as I walk across the city I pass many, many homeless people. There are four that have caught my curiosity because I’ve come to believe that they are sentinels for the city. All four are otherworldly, calm and very still. Two are women and two are men. They keep watch. Each has a specific post; they are at their post no matter what time of day or night that I pass by. They are diligent in their guardianship.

To the east (facing west) is a woman. She sits very still beneath the marquee of the Cinerama. She sits upon her worldly possessions, arms wrapped around her knees, a slight smile that I read as contentment on her face. She wears sunglasses day and night. She watches. Occasionally, she rises to clean the sidewalk in front of her. She gathers food scraps and feeds the birds and then returns to her post.

In the south, on the far south side of the bricks of Pioneer Square, a man stands watch. He is directly beneath a tree, inconspicuous, texting. Each time I pass, regardless of the time of day, he is texting. His long graying beard parts in the middle flowing around his hands and phone. His communications are steady. He is not in a hurry. His eyes never rise from his phone. He stands his post sending records of his thought. I do not know what he sends into the world but I hope it is poetry inspired by the world that flows around him.

To the west is a man who sweeps the bridge to the ferry terminal. He sits on a crate next to a shopping cart filled with bags of his possessions. He holds vigil for commuters. I’ve passed him dozens of times and he’s never asked for change. He sits. He watches. When the walkway is littered, he stands, pulls his broom from the cart, and sweeps clean the walkway before returning to his crate. There is ease to his movement and clarity to his task. He holds vigil. He cleans.

To the north is the woman who lives in the covered bus stop. Her possessions occupy one half of the bench and she sits on the other half. She is plugged into music. She holds in both hands an old Walkman. I’ve never seen her without her ear buds in and her music playing. Sometimes she will rise and dance a slow dance of invocation. And then she returns to her bench and sits very still, watching and listening.

The east cares for the birds. The south scribes the flow of life. The west clears the way for the commuters. The north invokes the spirit. Each holds a special vigil unique and precious to the life of a city that considers them invisible. They are stillness in the mad rush of the city. Until I recognized them as sentinels I wanted more for them, whispering prayers of protection for them. Today I realized that they have what most of us lack: they are still. They are clear and carry no illusions about belonging. Their tasks are distinct and self-appointed. I suspect they whisper prayers of protection for us.

Root And Reach

822. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Here’s a simple image that came to me from Megan-the-brilliant. She and I have been having an extended conversation about roots and hope. She told me that roots are filled with hope. The green plant that grows from the hope-root is an expression of faith. Hope reaches into the earth providing a sturdy basis for faith to reach into the sky.

Both are nourished in their reaching. Hope is fed from reaching deep into the warm, fecund earth. Faith is fed bountifully by opening its green leaves to the sun and drinking deep draughts of light. The earth nourishment is released into the sky while the sunlight is pulled into the earth via the hope-root.

One cannot live without the other. They are, in fact, not separate even though it would seem that they reach in opposite directions and are nourished from seemingly different sources. The separations do not exist. The root-hope and plant-faith are in fact a single organism – as are the earth and sky. The separation lives only in our language and necessity to distinguish the parts.

Lean And Rest

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[continued from 811, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19]

Bali Journal Excerpt #10
At lunch, Rai told me that he also had no religion and then he corrected himself. “My religion is goodness,” he said. “Dharma,” he added. “In my religion you only need do your action and god will determine the result.”

In Bali, it is common to see a woman making an offering in the middle of a busy intersection, motorbikes flying by her. Her offering is normal to them. Each morning a new flower appears in my room. I never see who places it there. In a crowded temple, a man I have never before seen leans on me to rest. It has been a long night and he is very tired. I am filled with warm gratitude for what he teaches me.

This is the final excerpt from the journals. It is the one that touched me the most almost 13 years after writing the words. I realized that I am still filled with warm gratitude. I realized that my religion to be goodness. I am learning to do my action and let go of trying to determine the result. This, especially, has been my lesson during this long winter of wandering.

How Long Has It Been?

819. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

[continued from 811, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18]

Bali Journal Excerpt #9
The beach at Tulamben is course black lava stone. It is from another world. Lora sat at a distance as I said my prayer and made my offering as Jero had instructed. I invited my soul to come home. I asked it (me) to be happy. I made an offering in my own way – also as Jero had instructed. It felt right. When I was complete, I joined Lora and we watched the sun rise. After a moment she said, “Sometimes you have to slow way down before you can see the clouds move, before you can see the shapes in the clouds. How long has it been since you watched the clouds?” She showed me a mermaid and a spaceship. I saw a swordfish and a lion. The clouds moved into one shape and then another and another still, appearing and disappearing and then reappearing in yet another form. It was just like the message of the Wayan Kulit, the shadow puppets. The forms of this life are transitory, they appear and disappear, ever moving.

The ocean accepted my offering and I sometimes remind myself to slow down and look at the clouds that always remind me of how transitory is this life. I have a habit when I awake each morning of saying to myself, “This is the only day of life I will ever have….”

Count To Three

814. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

[continued from 811, 12, 13]

Bali Journal Excerpt #4
There is an important number in Bali. Three. I come from a culture built upon the number two. Everything in my culture is a duality. Until coming to Bali I was not aware of the degree to which I saw the world in terms of opposites: black/white, success/failure, good/bad, /left/right, religious/secular. Between two points there can only be a line, a distinction. Judgments are the result of two – guilty/innocent. Lady Justice stands blindfolded holding her scale aloft. Which way will the scale tip? Democrats or Republicans? Make a choice! Are you for us or against us? Pro-choice or pro-life? In school I was taught that a good play, a good story, is driven by conflict, the place where two opposing forces collide. Will the major character win or lose? Will I be a winner or a loser?

These many years later re-reading this entry I marvel at how little I see the world now in terms of two. If there is a two there is also a space between and that space is dynamic. It is vibrant and alive. I see shades of gray. I see the middle way. I’ve worked hard to break my pattern of two-seeing. Budhi told me this space between was god. It is energy. One-ness. Why would I live in a universe built upon the number two if it precludes the space between?

I am sitting in an airport right now and it is just after midnight. I’m going on a trip of transformation. I am journeying to touch a heart that is precious to me. I am not popular for making this journey. Today, the people in my story are seeing pairs of opposites. They want me to see in terms of two and I am consciously reaching into the space between. They are invested in my choice. One or the other? They want me to “do what is right” yet right looks like left to half of the people who are invested with the choice they think that I am making. They cannot see the choice that I am making because their number stops at two.

Heart lives in the number 3. Heart is found, not in the noun, but in the verbs, in the action, in the space between.

Listen To The Past

811. Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Lora returned a sketchbook to me, drawings from our time in Bali. In the sketchbook I found tucked into the pages several excerpts from a journal I kept during my time there. The entries are typed, something done after the trip. After reading the passages I was amused at how similar they are to entries that I am making in my current journals. I’m writing a lot about helping hands. This winter has been extraordinary in the guidance that I feel, the nudges along the path, the deep sense of knowing, the mind-boggling serendipities,….

There are ten entries in the Bali journal. Over the next ten days I will post them.

Excerpt #1:
I’m giving myself over to the “helping hands.” That is what Bali is teaching me. They’ve [the helping hands] always been there but I was moving too fast to see them or I liked to call them “coincidence” or perhaps serendipity. From the moment I accepted the idea of coming to Bali (the helping hands left me little choice in the matter), I’ve been repeatedly reinforced to let go, relax, and let the helping hands help. It has been hard to accept and even harder to do. First, I had to discover that I wasn’t relaxed and that I was holding on very tight. I didn’t know that before. My story in Bali is about letting go so that I can feel the current and trust it to support me and take me where it will. Resisting has only made me tired.

So the lessons from 2000 that I am re-learning in 2013:
• Give yourself over to the helping hands.
• Move slow enough to see/feel them.
• Relax. Let go.
• Feel the current. Trust it. It will support you.