Truly Powerful People (196)

196.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Terry taught me to scuba dive in the ocean around Bali. I signed up for a class and was the only student and he taught the class anyway. It took me a few days to realize that Terry was teaching me more than how to dive. He was teaching me about how to be alive. Like all great teachers, the subject matter was not important: the content was the method.

Scuba diving is about buoyancy. The mastery of neutral buoyancy was his first lesson and was the center; all other lessons could be traced back to this simple focus: get neutral. Find that sweet spot of neutrality and release all struggle, let go of all resistance. When you are neutral, you are present. Your breathing slows, relaxes. You expend very little energy; you surrender. You see.

The surrender Terry taught was not the western version: the giving up, waving a white flag, a movement to weakness. He taught the eastern version: giving over to something greater (the power of the ocean), a joining, a movement to power.

I’m still incorporating his lesson ten years later. Get neutral. Surrender. Participate in the power.

Truly Powerful People (194)

194.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

This one comes from Diane and our conversation about sugar. I’m not sure how we got from food addiction to playing the Victim but here it is none-the-less.

The role of Victim is like an addiction to sugar. If you eat a lot of sugar your body craves it; you need it. The same can be said of The Victim. It is an addiction. The notion that things happen to you, that you are buffeted by the winds of time and the tides of circumstance affords a remarkable abdication of responsibility for the world you inhabit and relieves your from all recognition of participation. Life happens to you. “It’s not my fault,” is easy and comfortable. Above all, it is safe (saying, “this is mine to do” is dangerous. You might be seen. You might feel powerful).

The verb at the center of The Victim is “to blame.” Spend ten minutes in any coffee house, bus stop, lunchroom, etc. and listen to the stories people tell. You will mostly hear stories of blame. Once in a blame cycle, like sugar, you need to keep eating it to fill the craving. Once in the cycle you will feed off the blame stories of others – everyone will share their candy with you because it validates your craving and gives you a tribe.

And, if you break the addiction, clean your body of the need, a small amount of sugar becomes too much – it no longer tastes as good as you remember. The same applies to The Victim role. Once you break the addiction, it no longer feels safe (because it is ultimately powerless). You just can’t stomach it, anymore. Everyone will want to share their blame-candy with you and you just won’t be able to stomach it. You will have to walk away because instead of blaming you are choosing.

Recognizing that you are in choice every moment of your life is a powerful addiction treatment program.

Truly Powerful People (191)

191.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Today Lora and I hauled 7 sacks and 1 box of books to a used bookstore. Our shelves have never been this empty. This month we’ve cleaned out our closets, tossed mountains of paper and files from the office and I purged my studio. This need for space is primal. It’s as if we were possessed by a force – it makes no sense yet demands immediate response. We’re acting out of instinct; there is change in the wind and we can smell it. Space must be cleared.

The books we removed were not novels or pleasure reading, they were the “anchor” books, the source books necessary for work, the collected resource for a career. Taking them out of our apartment was the same as saying “I’m done with this part of my life now. I will never be that person again.” Of course, taking off one identity necessitates the creation of another. Now that space has been cleared, the question hanging in the air is, “Who will I/we become?” Are we on the edge or have we already stepped off?

Many years ago, before I left Los Angeles, I gave my theatre library to my friend Albert. Hundreds of plays, books on acting and directing, a collection that I’d spent years gathering; I had to rid myself of them. They morphed from treasure to burden in a matter of days. Once divested of my books I left LA feeling released, somehow. I drove into a future with no idea of where I would land or who I would become. I was exhilarated, standing squarely in the burning point of my life with no illusion of safety or security.

Almost twenty years later I enact the ritual again only this time I am not driving into a future looking for answers or the fulfillment of something that I don’t already possess. I am not running toward or away from anything. This is less about a new layer, a new suit of clothes, and more about a movement to the center. This is simplicity, a reveal-ation. This time I am not going some other place but sitting quietly as the burning point of my life.

Truly Powerful People (189)

189.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

I have initiated a new practice in my life. This summer was very difficult, perhaps the most difficult stretch of my life, and I fell into some old patterns and deep dark valleys.

Here’s the practice: When I wake up, before my feet hit the floor, I ask myself this question: what do I want to bring to this day?

It seems like a simple question until you consider the possible responses. Do I want to bring anger to this day? Anxiety? Do I want to infuse this day with despair? Shall I bring a big dose of depression? How about investing in blame? That is always a salty sweet snack! Those possibilities do not exist outside of me. They are mine to choose or not.

I’ve been amused by the answer that has been the most dynamic, most interesting and vital to climbing out of the trenches: I want to bring my curiosity, every last bit of it. I want to bring all of my inquisitiveness, 100% of my capacity to not know. That’s it. That is my choice for what I want to bring to my day. You’d be amazed at the difference in the world I see since deciding to bring curiosity instead of my resistance.

I am reminded of two things each morning as I ask myself this question: 1) choices of significance always come down to matters of my being and have very little to do with aspects of my doing, and 2) I may or may not have choice in my circumstance (things happen) but I have infinite choice about who I am within my circumstance.

Truly Powerful People (187)

187.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

He asked me, with eyes downcast, “Yes, but when will I believe that I am whole?” We were sitting on the stage of an outdoor theatre. It was a hot summer night after a not-particularly-good-rehearsal. This young man, an actor, came dangerously close to being fully present, alive and available in his scene; he came very close to actually being seen without his armor. It scared him and he fled. I was secretly proud because he was brave and daring to come so close to his power. Now he was fully invested in pummeling himself. Had I a whip, a hair shirt, and a wee bit of salt to offer him he would have gladly added the torture to his self-abuse.

“You will believe that you are whole when you stop investing in the idea that you are broken.” Not a very useful response, but there it is.

A wise old mentor once told me that you can only give an actor one significant note a day. Give them too many things to incorporate and nothing will move forward. Give them the note to chew on and leave them alone to chew. So these are the things I did not say: When you deem that it is alright to be afraid, when you consider it useful to feel what you feel without a need to alter it to service the opinions of others, when you stop beating yourself for trying, when you stop abusing yourself for making strong offers and reward yourself instead, then you might feel whole. Wholeness is not something you attain. It is something you are. Feel it. Broken is a learned behavior, it is the hallmark of a people that reject nature, particularly their own nature; it is a story guaranteed to keep you hiding (and, that is the point of the, “I am broken and need fixing” story – it is a central story, necessary in the maintenance of a culture of control). And, above all, I did not tell him that it is a useful thing to struggle with; finding yourself is the whole point of being alive – or perhaps better said: finding yourself whole is the point of being alive. Wrestling with it makes for a good story and great life.

Belief is never the issue. Chew, baby, chew.

Truly Powerful People (177)

177.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

25 years ago, standing on Pismo Beach staring into the quiet morning surf, Jim E. told me that people come to the ocean to touch eternity; the rhythm of the waves carried the beat of life before you were here and will carry it far into the future beyond your life. Just for a moment, you glimpse the enormity of it all. You glimpse the belonging of it all.

This morning a dense fog blanketed Puget Sound, the foghorn moaned into the soup. The islands, the mountains, the shipping lanes were swallowed – it was as if I was standing on the edge of the world and somewhere beyond the fog was the end of all that is known. The birds were unusually quiet. As I stood at the water’s edge I remembered Jim’s words and realized that I am always standing on the edge of what is known; the gift of the ocean is available all the time when I stop assuming I know what is coming down the road, when I remember that time is a construct. When I recognize that I don’t know, when I stop assuming, then I can see.

Try it: stand in any spot, anywhere in the world and recognize that you do not really know what is coming down the road; take a gander into eternity, glimpse the enormity of it all.

Truly Powerful People (172)

172.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

All of us walk a path defined by our assumptions. We see what we expect to see, we see what we believe and when we believe we are not creative or not good enough, that is what we reinforce. That is what we create.

Assumptions are tricky because they are hard to see – they are the rules for the game you play. “That’s just the way things are!” is a statement steeped in assumptions. I once had dinner with a man that lashed out, saying. “That’s just who I am and I’m never going to change!” Now, that’s the statement of a man married to his assumptions! Assumptions can be scary to challenge especially if you need to be right (oily shame thrives in the dark space between right and wrong).

Growth happens when you can see and step beyond your assumptions.

Leaving the path of your assumption set is sometimes called divergence. It is sometimes called insight. It is necessary for this thing we call innovation. Divergence, insight, revelation, inspiration, ah-ha, transformation… is nothing more than seeing and then challenging assumptions. Maybe you are good enough! Maybe you won’t die if you show up and give voice to your thoughts! Maybe no one is trying to put you down. Maybe experience comes before trust.
In the same way, creativity is nothing more than your capacity to step into uncertainty. Try it. Do something without regard to the outcome. Stepping into uncertainty requires releasing control – as does challenging your assumptions. What are you trying to control? Needing “to know” before taking a step is highly over rated – as is being right all of the time – and guaranteed to keep you on a very narrow path. What assumptions are you ready to let go?

Truly Powerful People (166)

166.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

I’m having a Buddhist moment. Sometimes I think I have lived my entire life in a state of resistance: resistance to where I am (I should be better, faster, stronger, more successful, less busy, taller, fatter, thinner, tanner, straighter teeth,….).

If I am not in resistance, I am grasping for something (the next play, the next painting, the next project, the next pay check, more meaning, clearer vision, a simpler life, presence, one more dark beer, peanut M&M’s,….).

Who am I if I am not pushing back or chasing after? What’s the point if I am not resisting or grasping? What if there are no dragons to slay and no gold to accumulate? These questions are so simple and yet if I really stop and think about them the whole castle begins to fall. I know enough by now (I hope) to understand that happiness ensues: it is not something you chase. Rather, it is something that follows and it has a better chance of catching me when I stop chasing stuff and cease pushing my present moment away.

Maybe, the point is to let the castle fall, to see who I am if I am not fortified behind a stone wall or so busy looking ahead that I can’t see what is right in front of me.

I have this sense that my happiness is trying really hard to catch me. You?

Truly Powerful People (162)

162.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Today I began writing the workbook for Patti and my next telecoaching course, CreateNow, based on Patti’s latest book, Creative Is A Verb. These thoughts are the frame for the first week’s exploration. All day I’ve been thinking about the questions posed so I decided to post them here as they apply to the path walked by Truly Powerful People:

Creativity is your birthright. It is possible for you to believe that you are not creative but it is impossible for you to fulfill that belief. You are infinitely creative; all the proof you need is inside your head. Listen to that inner voice telling you that this day is good or bad, that you have worth or not, that you wish people would get out of your way, that people won’t like you if they really knew who you are, that your new shoes are cool or daring or comfortable: that is you creating. That voice is you narrating the story of your life. What story are you telling? What do you want to create?

Unfortunately, for reasons too many to enumerate, early on in our lives most of us divorce ourselves from our creative identity. Ask a kindergarten class who is an artist and every hand will shoot to the sky. Ask a class of 5th graders the same question and a timid few might dare to claim that they are creative. What happens to us?

In her book, Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach tells the story of a daughter holding vigil at her mother’s deathbed. The mother regained consciousness before dying and said, “You know, all my life I thought something was wrong with me.” And then she shook her head as if to say, “What a waste.”

There is nothing wrong with you. Why do you need to put a disclaimer on your identity as a creative being? How are you blocking yourself or limiting your full creative capacity?

Truly Powerful People (161)

161.
Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

When David O. turned 40 he had a dream. In his dream he saw the end of his life. He saw how the first 40 years passed in the blink of an eye and knew the rest of his life would pass just as quickly. In his dream he asked himself if he was doing with his life what he wanted to do with it. His answer was no.

He was a doctor and had a very successful practice. Being a doctor was what was expected of him. It was practical. It was lucrative. Some days he managed to believe it was a kind of service. It was a career but never a calling. It was work. He had no trouble answering the cocktail party question, “So, what do you do?”

He awoke from his dream and bought a camera. He began taking photographs of the seashore. He wasn’t interested in taking pretty pictures. He was interested in seeing the place where he lived, really seeing it. He wanted to engage. He wanted to be a part of this place, not merely move through it. He told me that photography became a way of putting down roots, an attempt at belonging.

As he began exploring his external geography, he also explored his internal geography; it is impossible to do one without the other. He recognized that, in putting down roots, he was creating a kind of legacy. With belonging comes commitment: to say, “I am part of this place,” means the place is also a part of you. The geography becomes you; you become the geography. You sense the air and feel the rhythms.

David O. told me that he was coming alive or perhaps he was coming back to life. Yes. I think he meant that literally: life is waiting for us to come back to it. All that is required is to awake from the dream (I’m a doctor) and recognize that you are so much more than what you do.