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Sitting in my assigned seat (7B) I was taken by this phrase: Use bottom cushion for flotation device. I’ve flown several hundred times in the past decade and I’ve seen this phrase on every flight and took little notice. For some reason today it struck me as odd. The airline stenciled it in 3 places on the seat back directly in front of me; that makes 9 stencils for every row! There are only 3 exit signs on the plane. The emergency exit rows have some escape hatch instructions that are also written in the language of toy assembly: pull red handle to position “A,” lift hatch bottom until it detaches from slot “C.” Thrust hatch out and let go. These instructions are given only once. Why the flotation device repetition? Getting out of a sinking plane seems a higher priority than knowing that floating is an option. It’s all very corporate. Legal.
I suppose that’s the point. The phrase is there to satisfy a legal requirement and is reiterated 3 times so the airline will not be liable for my death by drowning. The irony of that possibility made me cackle and my seatmates grew nervous. I pointed to the phrase and lied, “I find this a statement of hope!” and my seatmates looked away. In the age of the underwear bomber, humor is suspect. They worked hard pretending I wasn’t there so I made them stretch beyond their limits pointing to the 3 identical stencils saying, “Three times must be a charm.”
That must be the explanation! If my plane went down in the water (unlikely on my flight from Lincoln to Denver) and I survived the impact (unlikely on a flight from Lincoln to Denver) I doubt that I would be thinking clearly. I have a list of the things I’d probably think – none of which I feel good about writing. I cackled again and my seatmates eyed the flight attendant button so I said, “It actually might take 3 repetitions for me to grab my bottom cushion en route to flotation and eventual water rescue.” Their panic was palpable so I said, “I guess you should be glad I’m not sitting by the door. We’d all drown.”
The image of me popping through an airplane hatch riding like a cowboy atop a seat cushion and bobbing to the surface of a mountain lake was too much. I laughed outright and couldn’t stop myself from saying, “I wonder where they keep the oars?”
Filed under: Language, Random, Truly Powerful People |
The Direction of Intention 
I’m not surprised your seat mates were a little unnerved, David. I’m nervous sitting in the comfort of my office chair. Where’s my oxygen mask???
You need to fly with me. I will keep you entertained and encourage you to sing (other weary travelers would delight in a Janna-song flight!).
Sounds great! Maybe a little Joni Mitchell’s “This Flight Tonight.”
During my recent flight from Seattle to San Francisco, the instructions and the flight attendants were very adamant about the availability of life rafts stored in the ceiling. The instructions outlined their exact locations. I looked at the ceiling. I looked again. I looked at the floor. I looked all around. No raft compartments. No rafts. Truly, where were the oars! Remember, don’t inflate your lift vest inside the aircraft! (But you’ll be able to hold onto that seat cushion in a flooding plane.) I do enjoy the flights (of fancy).
You are a flight of fancy! There is nothing so absurd as the rules and instructions we post on seats, walls, planes,….. 😉