The Direction of Intention

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Today I cleaned my studio. I made space for the new. There are few rituals I enjoy more and few rituals that I take as seriously. It has been months since I painted. I have been empty, in winter. The first time I experienced this emptiness I panicked! I wondered if my artist had left me. I wondered if the well of my gift had run dry.

The answer to both questions was, of course, yes. I’m not sure if other artists experience what I do, but I have seasons. I go fallow, dark, underground. The first cycle I panicked and pushed and became more empty and dark. It was the magic Karola who told me that my cup could not refill unless I allowed it to drain completely. So I stopped chasing. I sat still, lost in the woods of my self-pity and without faith. One day, months later, I felt a stirring; the seeds buried deep within me began to crack open, tender shoots (impulses to draw) reached the surface and I found myself again with a pencil in my hand.

Now, I know enough to sit still, to be quiet and enjoy being alive without purpose or direction. I’ve even learned to rest (my inner puritan always grouses but I’ve learned to love that voice, too – like a cranky old neighbor who wants attention I listen to the unforgiving work ethic and smile. “More lemonade?” I ask). When I feel the seeds stirring, I set a full day aside. I go into the studio, close out the world, put on some “welcome home” music, and do some spring-cleaning.

Faith is no longer an issue. I’ve learned that faith, like trust, follows experience, not the other way around.

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