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I’m having a Buddhist moment. Sometimes I think I have lived my entire life in a state of resistance: resistance to where I am (I should be better, faster, stronger, more successful, less busy, taller, fatter, thinner, tanner, straighter teeth,….).
If I am not in resistance, I am grasping for something (the next play, the next painting, the next project, the next pay check, more meaning, clearer vision, a simpler life, presence, one more dark beer, peanut M&M’s,….).
Who am I if I am not pushing back or chasing after? What’s the point if I am not resisting or grasping? What if there are no dragons to slay and no gold to accumulate? These questions are so simple and yet if I really stop and think about them the whole castle begins to fall. I know enough by now (I hope) to understand that happiness ensues: it is not something you chase. Rather, it is something that follows and it has a better chance of catching me when I stop chasing stuff and cease pushing my present moment away.
Maybe, the point is to let the castle fall, to see who I am if I am not fortified behind a stone wall or so busy looking ahead that I can’t see what is right in front of me.
I have this sense that my happiness is trying really hard to catch me. You?
Filed under: Awakening, Truly Powerful People |
The Direction of Intention 
So beautiful put David. I too, was a pretty great chaser and pusher…i was a perfect student of the ideals not of my own…i prescribed to someone else’s story of me – therefore the grasping – the pushing to FIND it, something, anything…but I was really looking for me. My castle fell, really freakin’ hard, and as it began, the process was the scariest I have ever experienced, the underlying torment was Trust. I had to trust that the falling away would bring me to me. In surrendering to the crumble, I was surrendering to ME. Damn, who knew?? We ARE under that castle, banging on the dungeon doors to get the HELL OUT OF HERE… Our castle becomes us as soon as allow it to. My new castle is full of me.