The Direction of Intention

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I’ve learned that where life lessons are concerned, learning comes in circles. I’ve had revelations and 10 years later I’m having re-revelations; same lesson, new level. Here’s the new/old learning I’m having today: I’ve been angry and frustrated these past several months and in all the things and people that I invest my discontent, in all the things that I think needs to change, the movement that isn’t (from my perspective) happening, I am the only one who is suffering. The anger and frustration do not exist outside of me. The expectation does not exist anywhere outside of me.

Lately I have been creating anger and frustration. I have been determined to suffer in a cloud of discontent. I am choosing it. Why?

I’m looking around me, all around me, and I see people walking on the beach. I see joy. There is sun. What is it that I do not have that I think I need? What am I trying to control that I cannot control. Or, perhaps a better question is this: what am I afraid to do that I am not doing?

What false expectation have I set that allows me stay angry and frustrated? I know enough to recognize that any investment in a victim role is an abdication of responsibility in disguise. What do I want others to do for me that I need to do for myself? The anger and frustration serve as blinders; what I can’t see I can’t address.

The old-new learning: I am the only person in this equation that is suffering. Perhaps answering the question, “why?” is not an important question to answer (or ask); any answer is equal – it is an explanation of victimhood – and so it doesn’t matter.

All that is required is to make a different choice. I am the only person making the choice. I can choose something other than suffering.

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