The Direction of Intention

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My mother pulled me aside and whispered to me, “you might want to keep your ideas to yourself,” she pulled me closer saying, “you could get hurt here.” I thought she was kidding until I looked up and saw her eyes. She was genuinely concerned! I was in Olathe, Kansas for my nephew’s wedding and most of the wedding party and guests were conservative and fundamentalist Christian; I am neither of those.

At my home in Seattle I am surrounded by people who love to debate ideas. In fact, a disagreement of opinion is, to my friends, seen as a good thing, a necessary thing. Multiple perspectives are valued because ideas are seen as fluid and not fixed, truth is relative and so a healthy, hearty debate is essential. When I leave my community, I am slow to remember that there might be a different set of expectations; one in which concurrence is the glue that binds and speaking an opposing point of view is not welcome.

My mother’s caution took me by surprise. I looked around the room and saw my family, people I love though have rarely agreed (I have always been more liberal than my clan), I saw joy and laughter and celebration. I was invited to attend and did not perceive the danger that she did. Was I welcome as long as I kept my perspective to myself? This was her danger story, not mine.

This was a wedding, a ritual bigger than politics or points-of-view. A time when a community gathers to give witness and support to those they love at the beginning of their passage into a new identity of togetherness.

It is so easy to be in the bubble of agreement. We surround ourselves with people that are similar – my community is in agreement about the need for multiple perspectives – that is the agreement that binds us. We have conversations within a community of like minds. It is easy to agree when surrounded by others who share your belief. My mother’s caution was my cue to ask questions, to remind myself not to assume that I know what anyone thinks or believes. I don’t know but I am curious to ask.

More and more I want to shout, “Step out!” “Ask!” What keeps us in this game of tug-of-war and out of creating a new identity together? Diverge a little bit. Challenging your assumptions may help you see some things anew.

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