The Direction of Intention

61.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” Swedish proverb

I was just introduced to the work of Stanford neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky. He has spent his career studying stress and has more than a few eye-opening insights to his credit. Some have to do with the story you tell yourself about yourself.

For instance, in the animal kingdom, stress is a lifesaver: when you are a zebra and there is a lion on your tail, feeling stress can be a very good thing. And, as a zebra, when you avoid becoming lunch for the lion, you also completely release your stress. There is no story, no need to rush back to the herd and recount the trauma of being chased by a lion (thus perpetuating the stress). The stress served a purpose and is gone.

In people, what was once a life-saving mechanism has turned on and we can’t seem to turn it off. We treat traffic jams, difficult bosses, unpaid bills, bureaucratic knots, traffic tickets, the wrong kind of shampoo, what we think people will think about our clothes, etc., as a lion ready to devour us. It seems that we are afraid for our lives much of the time. In Sapolsky’s words, “We are constantly marinating in corrosive hormones triggered by the stress response.” Prolonged exposure to stress is deadly.

The lion chasing us is often a lion of our own making. There is no doubt that there are many aspects of contemporary life that are stressful. Are they the equivalent of being devoured by a lion? Perhaps. Perhaps not. The difference is in the story you tell. And tell, and tell, and tell.

The pertinent question is, “why does everything look like a hungry lion that never stops chasing me?” It seems that we have either lost our sense of scale or that we need to turn around and look at what is really there.

Who might you become if you stopped telling yourself the story of hungry lions?

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60.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

“History is a fable agreed upon. So too is identity, which is a story not only arrived at by the individual but conferred by the group. There has to be both a public and private coherence to the story of our self.” John Lahr

I’m helping Amy with her graduate project. She is getting a master’s degree of science in Creative Studies. The science of creativity! Her project is a performance piece, a one-woman show that traces the choices that brought her to this incredible study and what she has so far found there.

One of the passages in her play explores how we dynamically draw a future toward us by the way we story ourselves in the present. And, how we very rarely live in the present because we are seeing and storying this moment through a category we created in the past. Do you see the dilemma? Marshall Mcluhan said it best,  “We drive into the future using only the rearview mirror.”

It is necessary to a point; you have to somehow locate yourself to know who you are, what you believe, and why you are here. What you imagine is what you create. What you imagine is defined by the categories you created in the past. What you are capable of doing or not doing, what you believe is possible or not possible, what you fear or think will fulfill you, what is your purpose? All of these questions are rooted in your experiences and how you interpret them.

Ellen Langer tells us that humans are really good at creating categories – it is necessary for language acquisition. And, one of the key to presence and the creation of a more expansive future is to consciously challenge the categories that you’ve constructed. The great gift of being natural category makers is that we can consciously create new ones.

To what categories from your past are you attached? Can you re-story your past (you are doing this anyway – a topic for another day) to create a new category called wholeness? Imagine the future you will unfold when you’ve created that category!

Imagine the future you will unfold when you can extend that category to everyone you meet.

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59.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

“By making art a specially precious part of life, we have demoted it from being all of life.” Margaret Mead

My great aunt Dorothy and great uncle Del lived on a hillside above the mining town of Central City, Colorado in the time before it was converted into a casino pretending to be a town. On the hill above their house was an old abandoned mining operation and beyond that was a graveyard. Many of my ancestors are buried in that graveyard and as kid I spent many hours making rubbings of headstones wondering about the lives of the people buried there.

There is not much information on a headstone: a birth-date and a death-date; maybe a phrase like, “loving mother,” or “Civil war veteran.” A life reduced to the barest minimum.

Because the stones offered no details I would make up stories. I would imagine what a day in their lives must have been like before television and electricity, before central heat and motorcars. I imagine that their lives were like mine: filled with love and yearning and pain and striving and disappointment and revelation and drudgery and elation and regret… all of the colors of life.

Sometimes while looking at paintings in museums or talking to school administrators about art, I think about those headstones; a life elevated/reduced to one precious phrase when the truth of the life was in the experience of living it. Art is the same way: when made precious or thought as a luxury it is reduced to the barest of minimums. It becomes untouchable. The truth of art is in the doing, in the messy, chaotic, contradictory, full-spectrum experience of expressing a life.

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58.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Twice in my life, for a few short days, I experienced what it means to live within a narrative shared with my community; we were inside a common, single story, we were the story. The first was after the Northridge earthquake in Los Angeles. The second was during the days after 9/11.

Once in my life I experienced a community that was always inside a common story, no tragedy was necessary for connectivity and shared experience. Their purpose in their life was to keep the story alive – consciously and intentionally, to live it everyday, to revivify it every year. Without the story there was no life.

Is there a story in your life that carries that much power? Are you in service to a story that matters that much?

All stories are ancient. And, at the same time, all stories are new. Right now, if you really listen to yourself, you’ll find that you are telling yourself a story, and it’s your story of being here – in this world, as you define yourself to be. It is a new story because it is yours. It is also an ancient story, because it is your version of the very same challenges, questions, passages, celebrations and disappointments that all the peoples have faced who have walked on this planet before you. It is your turn.

The story of an individual makes no sense unless it is plugged into a cohesive communal narrative. Where do you fit? Why do you and your actions matter?

Stories are like maps for navigating life. Because we are always story telling, every minute of every day, people quite naturally convey their deepest truths through their stories and their myths. These stories and myths – when alive – enable us to enter into a rich meaningful relationship with our circumstance, a dynamic conversation with the powers of the universe.

The story of a community makes no sense unless it is plugged into a cohesive universal narrative. Where do we fit? Why do we matter (I call this “deep story”)?

When stories are not alive we consume them. They serve a momentary identity function and then go back in the mail. Deep narrative requires delayed gratification. It is like a fine wine that opens slowly over time. The point is not in telling a new story but in the known, the oft told story, hearing it again and again and again it becomes like your heartbeat.

What does it mean, what does it feel like to live inside a greater common story, to tell a story that also ‘tells’ you? What stories do you repeat over and over again? Are they deep story? Communal story? Or, is it the story that only you experience? What story are you telling yourself again and again and again?

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57.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

If I were a fish I’d be in a frying pan. That is how hard I bit the hook! I was included in a Facebook discussion with a group that is philosophical polar opposite of everything I believe. I am their nightmare participant so I can only imagine that someone added my name by mistake or perhaps I was the supposed to be the main course in a very ugly meal.

I generally do not engage in online discussions (I’m too busy and too scattered as it is) but on this day I saw a comment before I hit “delete” and stepped squarely into a moral dilemma. As my pal Horatio reflected, “Silence in the face of bigotry is a form of consent.” I saw the comment, my name was (somehow) associated with the group, I chose to step into the arena.

My dilemma was that I didn’t count to ten thousand before I responded (dare I say, “reacted”;-) and I jumped into this pool of extremism with a voice of extremism: I heard myself become the thing I detest.

Their extremism was a mirror of my extremism! That’s why the hook was so tasty!

I believe that all forms of fundamentalism or extremist belief are expressions of fear. Playing the Victim is the required role: extremism makes no sense unless you believe there is a wolf knocking on your door. Rigid doctrine is useful for providing absolute certainty: no thinking required (and that was my hook!). Absolute certainty feels good because the primary certainty provided is moral superiority. The other person, by default is less-than. All of those black and white answers relieve you from the bother of having to consider the validity of the other person’s point of view: they are less so you are more, they are evil because you are good.

And, what’s really going on is that there are things in the world that you don’t understand and you are not yet able to walk toward them. Everyone looks like a wolf until you remove the label. The need to be right, to be absolute is about control.

All of us have an inner extremist that usually comes out in some places and not in others (what hits your buttons? What makes you angry and reactive? What hooks are too tasty to ignore?). My first post was a self-righteous diatribe. I was absolutely invested in being right. And I saw my fear all the way to its root.

There is a sweet perfection to this story: it took a fundamentalist to expose my fundamentalism. In my subsequent posts I asked some questions along with making statements. I entered a dialogue with no need to blunt my point of view and, more importantly, no need to negate theirs. I put down my end of the rope.

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56.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

When people entertain the idea that they need to change something in their lives they generally sort to the radical. Change is an ominous word and it both excites the imagination and stokes the fires of fear. When organizations call Patti and me to facilitate change they always reject the notion that a small action (like saying, “Yes, and…”) will have more impact than a new strategic plan or a massive restructuring. “It can’t be that easy!” they protest.

Alter one word in your vocabulary and you will transform your life. Make one small choice – and choose it again and again everyday, and your life will begin to change (you are doing this anyway so why not do it consciously and with intention).

A complexity (like a human being) is never changed through applying another complexity. Complexities are changed through simplicities.

Here’s a key: change begins with a single new choice. That’s it. And, when you will make the new choice, the old story will rage at you. Each day, for many days, the old story will rage at you, you’ll hear all the reasons you can’t or shouldn’t or why this choice will alienate you from your friends, how it isn’t working, why bother, how hard it is, how ridiculous you look, etc.

There is a difference between the action and the story. Make the choice, detach from the story. See what is there versus what you think is there. The choice is rarely hard once the investment in the story is released. One small step each day: make the choice, release the story.

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55.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

The actions you take each day are the things you are practicing in your life – they are the things you are reinforcing. What is the difference between what you are practicing and what you want to practice?

A friend once told me that his definition of health was the difference between who you are (what you practice) and who you believe yourself to be (what you want to practice): the shorter the distance the healthier the person.

Most of us experience a gap between those two poles. This is really a question of what you are willing to reveal and what you think you need to hide or protect; sharing yourself is vulnerable stuff especially if you are invested in what others might or might not think.

The days leading up to my first solo art show were excruciating. I loved my paintings while they were in the studio and hated them the moment they were hung on the gallery walls. They transformed before my eyes. I wanted to rip them down, apologize for my incompetence; I drowned myself in the fear of being a fraud.  The prospect of other people seeing my work, of seeing it through eyes over which I had no control, was terrifying. It was easy to be the artist secluded in the studio. The artist who shares his work was another matter entirely!

Many people came to the opening. I practiced hiding behind a glass of wine. What I learned was that some people liked my work, some people were indifferent, some people didn’t care for it, some people pretended to understand it, some people contemplated, some people came for the food…and none of what they saw or did had anything to do with me. My paintings provided a common focus for multiple perspectives. My fear of being a fraud was my own to nurture (practice) or release.

I learned the growth is always found in the gap. What are you practicing?

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54.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

“Relationship is a mirror in which you can see yourself, not as you wish to be, but as you are.” Krishnamurti

I called it the Angel experiment. I used to give it as an assignment. My students were adult learners. They’d stare at me with the wide eyes of disbelief; one of them would inevitably ask me to repeat the assignment. “I want you to go into the world this week and be an angel to someone for 3 hours – but you can’t tell them that you are being their angel. Then write about your experiences.”

They would protest: “You have to tell us more, I mean, what does it mean to be an angel? How can someone be an angel?”

I’d say, “Do whatever that means to you. What does being an angel mean to you?”

Then came the fear: “I can’t do it! People will think I’m crazy! I’ll get arrested!”

I’d say, “Maybe. It will be interesting to see what you find out.”

They’d return a week later excited to share experiences that were varied in interpretation and always joyful. They’d delight in each other’s stories and recognize a common theme: when they became an angel for another person, the other person became an angel for them.

They literally saw the other person in a different way and so were able to see themselves in a different light.

Try it. Mirror to the world what you desire to see in yourself.

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53.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

“If you want things to stay as they are, things will have to change.”

Guiseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa

Stories are meant to teach. They are meant to help us know who we are and what is valuable and what is not. They are full of rich imagery meant to guide us and help us live meaningful lives. They hold metaphors that blossom with meaning when read as metaphor and not literally. Here’s one of my favorite story teachable moments:

Sisyphus wraps a chain around Hades and padlocks him to a post. Hades cannot move. He struggles against his chain; he huffs and curses. He threatens Sisyphus. And, with Hades safely chained to a post, Sisyphus returns to his breakfast and takes a good long look at death.

Because Hades is captive, no one can enter into the underworld. No one can die.

Hades is madder than a hornet. He is the embarrassment of the gods. Without death, nothing changes, nothing can change: old folks keep on going, brutal injuries aren’t fatal. Disease and pestilence come along – nothing works as it should. Summer refuses to give way to autumn.

The gods are not amused. They command Sisyphus to let Hades go! They threaten him! They put enormous pressure on him. Still, he sits and contemplates. He cocoons.

The people put enormous pressure on Sisyphus to keep the padlock locked. Even though they live days with no end, life without mystery, they beg Sisyphus to keep Hades in chains. Without death, the sun stops moving through the sky. Crops wither. Wells go dry. People hunger and thirst but at least they know what tomorrow will be like!

Sisyphus watches nature go awry. Nothing works as it is supposed to. He watches people grow completely numb to each other. Life is predictable and, therefore, fundamentally meaningless.

Sisyphus is in a bind. To let Hades go will surely mean the end of his life – at least as he knows it. To perpetuate this meaningless-ness, even for one more moment, is un-bearable. He is terrified.

(Here’s the moment I love!) He realizes that to open the lock is to choose death and uncertainty. To keep Hades chained is also to choose death, another kind of death that comes from absolute certainty. The first kind of death fires his imagination, makes it run wild; it terrifies and exhilarates him. The second kind of death kills his imagination and smothers his desires.

Sisyphus stands, opens the padlock and he lets Hades go free.

The path of uncertainty will always fire your imagination and make it run wild. It will terrify and exhilarate you. If you are feeling smothered, if you have chained yourself to a post of predictability and too much certainty, will you open your lock and step into uncertainty?

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52.

Join me in inspiring truly powerful people. Each day I will add a new thought, story or idea to support your quest and mine.

Locating yourself in your story is one of the necessities in the story you tell yourself about yourself.

You locate your self in physical space: where do you like to sit in a movie theatre? I always sit on the end of a row. In a restaurant Lora sits with her back to the wall. Enter a classroom or a conference room and notice where you place yourself.

You locate yourself in the roles you play. Who you are with your family is different than who you are with your friends is different than who you are at work. Everyone plays multiple roles; you define yourself in relationship to those you are with. Notice how you locate yourself.

Judgment is a form of locating. People judge themselves and others when they are uncomfortable or stepping into uncertainty. Judgment provides a false certainty. The next time you are uncomfortable, notice how you locate yourself: “I’m an idiot,” or “they are idiots.” Judgments can tell you a lot about the story you tell yourself about yourself.

How are you locating yourself in your world? How do you want to locate yourself?

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